February 2008
 
E-News from Meier Clinics
 

"One of the most trusted names in Christian Counseling"               1-888-7 CLINIC 

REFLECTIONS
 
by Wilford Wooten, 
          MSW, LMFT, LCSW
 

   We, in the helping professions (counseling, medicine), are in the business of trying to respond to peoples' pain and suffering and find solutions.  People want answers, relief.

   Perhaps more than answers, it is significant questions that are vital to our journey and relationships with God and each other.  Jesus asked the man who sat by the pool of Bethesda for years,   "Do you want to get well?"  (John 5:6-7)  We may also ask ourselves, do we want to change?

   Some other questions to ponder:

· What do you have/are you, if you no longer are able to do what you currently do?  (What is our significance?)

· Is there a good fit with God's plan for you?  Or are the abilities and passions God has instilled in you seen in what you do?

· What is a life well lived?

 "No greater love has any man than to lay down his life for another."  (John 15:13) 

   In the world's economy, John wasn't a significant contributor, but in God's economy, he was "spot on."  John was born with severe mental disabilities; his parents were told that John would never walk without braces.  He never spoke a word in his 35 years of life, yet during a Special Olympics race, a friend fell and John fell back from the lead in the race to help his friend who had fallen get up and finish the race.  On another occasion, John came to the rescue of a bus driver who was being attacked and placed himself between the hurt bus driver and the attackers.  John recently went to be with the Lord and now he stands straight and tall - healed.

   What do you want said about you when you leave this physical world.  "Yes, [your name] lived life well!"  Every day counts!  Let us not waste time or opportunities.

_______________
 
corrin

Wilford Wooten is the Senior Director of The Counseling Department at Focus on the Family where he has served for over 13 years. 

Ten Top Intimacy Needs
 
by Mariah Peltier, M.Ed., L.P.C.
 
    Ah, love is in the air!  With Valentine's Day being in February, many people focus on the ideas and images of love, cupids, and romance.  But as therapists, we know that couples struggle with maintaining romance, and romance often gets lost in all of the complaints that each spouse has about the other.  God has designed a specific role for each spouse to play in the marriage.  Men are called to be the provider, protector, and leader of the family, while women are called to be the helpmate.  Women desire to receive the protection and nurturing from their spouse and often focus more on the romance of the relationship.  Barbara Rosberg* writes that women desire friendship, romance, and intimacy in a relationship.  
    The ten top intimacy needs are defined by Ferguson et. al.**  These needs are:
1.  Acceptance
2.  Affection
3.  Appreciation
4.  Approval (blessing)
5.  Attention
6.  Comfort
7.  Encouragement
8.  Respect
9.  Security (peace)
10.  Support
    Reviewing this list of intimacy needs can open discussion and communication between spouses and can begin to deepen their relationship.  While men and women do have different ways of relating to one another, we are all designed in God's image, with the capacity to nurture, care for one another and, yes, love one another!
 
*  Rosberg, Barbara.  Connecting with Your wife, Tyndale House Publishers, 2003.
** Ferguson, David, et. al.  Intimate Encounters:  A Practical Guide to Discovering the Secrets of a Really Great Marriage, Thomas Nelson, Inc., 1994.
______________
Mariah Peltier
 
Mariah Peltier, M.Ed., L.P.C., provides counseling care at the Meier Clinics in Richardson, Texas.  Some of her special areas of interest include eating disorders, abuse issues, blended families, parenting, conduct disorders, women's issues, anxiety, depression, grief and anger.
 
 
 
 
hearts
 
 
Three Kinds of Love
 
by Richard Meier, MA, LPC, ThM, DMin
   
     Did you know that there are three kinds of love?  There is eros, phileo and agape love.  Let's take a look at each one.
    Eros Love   This is need love.  It is based upon physical attraction and fulfillment.  This love is necessary for marriage to succeed, however, marriage cannot be sustained by eros alone.
    Phileo Love  This is friendship love.  The Bible uses the word "companionship" several times in describing what a marriage relationship is.  Phileo love means reciprocal sharing of time, activities, communication, spiritual life, ministry projects, chores around the home, hobbies, games, and other objects of common fellowship.
    Agape Love  This is a giving love.  This can be unilateral in that one loves even when the other doesn't respond as expected.  It is self-giving in meeting real needs of the other with the purpose of helping the person become a better, more mature individual.  Agape love takes the initiative and energizes the other two kinds of love.  Agape's characteristics are in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.
    Following are some suggestions for nourishing each kind of love.
    Eros Love   By the lingering hug or touch; the deep kiss; candles and music at dinner; the special eye contact; the genuine compliment when the other person has taken extra care in their dress or grooming; the eagerness and enjoyment of marital sexual relations.
    Phileo Love  Walking through a shopping mall together; watching TV together; playing table games; reading the Bible or praying together; working on or enjoying a hobby together; eating breakfast together without the morning paper; talking about the new decorating plans for a room in your home; sharing your irritation or frustration in a loving yet assertive way; working on your home budget together; being best friends; laughing and having good times together.
    Agape Love   Acting lovingly toward the other person; being committed to care for the other regardless of any unsupportive feelings from the other or from within yourself; being gentle when the other person makes a mistake; squelching the urge to criticize when the other person does something that may not be up to your personal standards; listening when she/he wakes up and wants to talk at 2:35 a.m.; learning to live with less than perfection; using gentle encouragement instead of loud insistence; waiting to talk until after his/her special TV show is over.  It is the ministering to the spouse or another as a calling from God without regard for how the spouse or the other person responds.
_______________
Beverly Henry
 
Richard Meier is a counselor at the Meier Clinics in Richardson, Texas, and his special interests are marriage and spiritual issues.   In addition to over 20 years in the counseling field, Dr. Meier was a senior pastor for 23 years.  He is the brother of the Meier Clinics co-founders, Dr. Paul Meier and Mrs. Nancy Meier Brown.
 
 
CHATTING WITH. . .LANE OGDEN, Ph.D.
 
Lane Ogden

Editor:  When did you start working at Meier Clinics and in what capacity? 

Dr. Lane Ogden:  January 15, 1987.  I have been a psychologist at the Richardson clinic for 21 years.

 

E:  Did you always know you wanted to be a psychologist? 

LO:  As a sophomore in college, I knew this was what I wanted to do.  I never thought I should be anything but a psychologist.  It fits with who I am as a person.

 

E:  What is one of the most fulfilling aspects of your job as a psychologist? 

LO:  On a regular basis, I get to see people that have damaged, impaired lives find healing.  I get to see people changed.  I get to see the transition from the first to last session - to see them become productive and functional, and to know that I played some part in that.

 

E:  How do you integrate your faith in your counseling practice? 

LO:  How do I practice in a way that's different from "brand X" psychologist?  First of all, I think of the Christian aspect as an added dimension rather than just something different.  In other words, I strive to be the very best psychologist I possibly can as anybody would define being a good psychologist.  Then, additionally, I bring biblical principles into the mix; it's a "bonus" instead of a substitution.  As to the practicalities of how I interate my faith, there are several things.  First of all, I spend time in prayer for my people and ask them to pray for me and for healing.  I have a firm belief that this changes things.  Secondly, I'm very open to and encourage direct discussions about what the Bible says about particular issues that may come up in therapy.  I think all truth is God's truth and that the Word is one of the primary ways we can find this truth.  Finally, and perhaps I should have said this first, I think we must filter everything that science, culture, or society says through the grid of Biblical truth.  This sometimes excludes certain techniques or attitudes a psychologist might otherwise endorse.  I see myself as requiring a higher standard of validity out of which I strive to operate than if I chose not to present myself as a hybrid - a "Christian Psychologist."  

 

E:  What do you see as one of the biggest problems people come in with? 

LO:  The biggest problem, I guess, is that Christians get caught up in day-to-day life and lose sight of the big picture.  They lose perspective.  They forget who they are and what's really important.  Losing perspective or priority can take you down many disasterous psychological pathways.

 

E:  Who had the most influence on you growing up? 

LO:  Two men.  First is my father who could and still can always find the positive, the good, the hopeful in situations and people.  No matter what happens, he sees the glass as half full and the next step is just to wait and see what God is going to do with a half full glass.  Another is Frank Pollard, a man who was my pastor in high school and early college.  He was incredibly skilled at helping me and others figure out how to apply the Bible to our lives and so to make it become a source of faith, not religion.  In my practice, I still utilize many of the principles, the sayings, the words he shared with me many years ago.

 

E:  Would you share one of those sayings with us? 

LO:  "One of the good things about blame is that there is always enough to go around and so that's not an issue."  That helps a whole lot in moving people towards forgiveness.  Another is, "What God wants for me is exactly what I'd want for me if I were as smart as He is."

 

E:  When and how did you come to know Christ as personal savior? 

LO:  It was a summer time revival where my dad was a pastor.  I was 7 years old.  It was in a little bitty country town in Oklahoma.  I had talked to my dad a lot of times before, but it suddenly dawned on me that there is a time and place you make a decision about what you want to do and this was the time.  I walked down to the front and made my profession of faith.  I was in the second row so it wasn't a long walk.

 

E:  What gets you up and out of bed in the morning? 

LO:  Just knowing that no two people are the same and no two days are the same.  It's an adventure to see what's coming my way.

 

E:  What kind of activities do you enjoy outside of work? 

LO:  Anything that can be done outdoors.  I like to fish and hunt, and just be outdoors.  I also enjoy gardening and cooking.  The single most pleasurable thing I've ever enjoyed is being a father.

 

E:  What is one thing you've always wanted to do but haven't done yet? 

LO:  When I was in the first grade and learned there were seven continents and decided I wanted to go to every one of them.  I have not been to Antarctica or Asia.  I kid that if I finish and reach my goal, I might die so I'm holding off a bit!

 

E:  Is there an interesting fact about you that few people know that you would want to share?

LO:   I lived for a couple of years as a missionary kid in Africa.  That really was a big part of influencing who I became. 

 

E:  Thank you, Dr. Ogden, for taking the time to share a little about your life with us.  Is there anything else you would like to share with our readers? 

LO:  The idea that we are all in this together.  We're on a journey.  We're here as God's agents to help people on that journey.  It never ends.  We're all going somewhere.  Some times the things that seem horrible are just a turn in the road and we don't see where that needed to happen until later.  Maybe we can look back and see how what seemed horrible moved us closer to where we needed to get.

 
 
What's Valentine's Day All About?
 
by Sandy Newport, Editor
 

     Do you know the origin of Valentine's Day?  There are several theories of how and when it became a day of celebration.  A prevalent theory is that it was once a pagan tradition in the third century involving the god Lupercus who was said to watch over shepherds and their flocks.  As Christianity became prevalent, priests wanted to replace the pagan rituals surrounding the holiday.  The local priest would place saint's names into a box and young people would draw the names out.  During the following year, the boys and girls were supposed to emulate the life of the saint whose name they drew.  Other theories revolve around seven different men named Valentine or Valentinus and their various acts of love.

     I like the idea of stretching out Valentine's Day through the whole year as the boys and girls did centuries ago by emulating a saint.  But, I'd like to suggest that we take this one step further by emulating the one person who walked this earth that even these Godly saints pale to in comparison - Jesus Christ.  Jesus speaks of love numerous times in the Gospels and, in fact, commands us to love one another.  Can you imagine what this world would be like, what our neighborhoods would be like, or even our homes, if we were to show others just a fraction of the love Christ shows us!  We wouldn't be showing just those close to us our love, we would be showing it to strangers and even to those we consider enemies, and we wouldn't confine it to just one special day of the year.

     If you are looking for a powerful way to show Christ's love to others, please consider becoming a Compassionate Partner with Meier Clinics.  Through your tax-deductible contribution, you can help others find the love, healing, and hope they have been waiting for through excellent biblically-based, Christian counseling care.  Together, we can share Christ's love to a multitude throughout the year.

     To make a donation, log on to www.meierclinics.org, call us at 800-848-8872, or mail a check to Meier Clinics Foundation, 2100 Manchester Road, Suite 1510, Wheaton, IL 60187-4561.
 
 
"A new command I give you:  Love one another. 
As I have loved you, so you must love one another."  John 13:34 (NIV)
 
 
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