| REFLECTIONS
My husband and I took our grandson to a Colorado Rockies baseball game a couple of years ago simply because someone gave us tickets. They weren't a winning team at that time, and we were nominal fans at best. But this year they started looking pretty good, and we went to a couple more games. They were looking like a winning team, and we were hooked! We cheered their victories and mourned their losses all through their season and into the post-season as they won the National League Championship and actually made it to the World Series where, sadly, they were swept in four games. More than once during their phenomenal run, I found myself saying, "It's fun to be part of a winning team!"
Folks, as believers, we are part of a winning team-the ultimate winning team! We have the privilege of celebrating the victories and mourning the losses of the members of our team, the body of Christ. "Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep." (Rom. 13:15) And we can look forward to that ultimate victory when our Lord finally defeats Satan and gathers all of His children together to reign forever. What a celebration that will be! The World Series can't hold a candle to that one. "The kingdom of the world has become the kingdom of our Lord and of His Christ, and He shall reign forever and ever." (Rev. 11:15b)
Rejoice! It's fun to be part of a winning team!
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 Bev Henry, L.C.S.W., is a retired school social worker and therapist and currently works part-time in the Counseling Department at Focus on the Family in Colorado Springs, CO. She and her husband, Larry, enjoy many outdoor activities in the beautiful Rocky Mountains. ____________________________
HOLIDAY STRESS
Thanksgiving leftovers are not eaten yet before Jingle Bells is heard at the malls and the Salvation Army Santas ring their bells at the grocery stores. These "reminders" push a button inside us, telling us to "Hurry!" Christmas is right around the corner. Let the stress begin!!
Instead of basking in the wonders of a holy and beautiful season, we begin to panic and wonder, not about God's great gift to mankind, but how in the world are we going to get everything done.
Depression and anxiety reach an all time high during the months from November through January. Instead of joy, happiness, and good cheer, many suffer through long days of smiling on the outside but desperate on the inside, fearful and dreading each day. We anticipate time with family members and friends, hoping that this year it will be better and determined it will be fulfilling and fun--just like the greeting cards, movies, and television programs tell us it will be.
Instead of love, laughter and celebration that is meaningful and joyous, there descends frenzy, fear, competition, frustration, and disappointment. God has made us for relationships -- meaningful ones-- relationship with Him, with others, and with ourselves. Meaningful relationships don't "just happen" but are cultivated and grow out of an inner connectedness. Our culture carries a loud and clear message that a bigger, better, more expensive gift is just the thing to cultivate love and caring. Nothing could be further from the truth. We long for moments when we feel valued and loved, when we value and love others. Inside our hearts and minds is an "inner sanctuary," a holy place. We get so disconnected from this inner sanctuary, this place of peace, joy, and love, and we miss the small things of beauty, of God, in our daily lives. . .a child's smile, a bird's cheerful singing, a sunset, rustling leaves. . .
We have lost the Art of Doing Nothing (the title of a wonderful little book that lies on my book shelf). Chapters in this book are The Art of Whistling and The Art of Meandering. The Word of God tells us "Be still and know that I am God," words so easily brushed aside for later.
The longer I live, the more I am learning that the smallest, simplest things are often the most life changing and valuable. Things like taking a moment to breathe deeply, taking in with each breath the abundance of the world around me; or looking deeply into the eyes of a homeless person as I place a dollar bill in their cap and recognize their humanness; or looking straight at the clerk at the store, saying "Thank you. I really appreciate your help;" or when purchasing flowers for my table, taking a moment (only a moment) to look closely at the colors, the intricate detail in the perfect petals and leaves, the strength of the stem that holds them erect. And when I do these things, these simple and free things, taking a moment (only a moment) to thank God for the abundance of His blessings, I feel something deeply inside that brings peace and a knowing that God is with me.
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 Char Sandberg is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor at the Wheaton, IL, clinic. She earned her degree in counseling from Wheaton College and works with clients on a wide range of issues including stress.
============== "Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."
Colossians 3:2
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The Benefits of Forgiveness
By Mary Beth Woll, M.A.
Forgiveness is a sore subject. It hurts to do it, so we don't. We may defend against twinges of conscience and postpone the process. We may think, as the Spanish proverb says, "If I die, I forgive you. If I live, we shall see." Forgive and forget seems much too glib compared to the pain caused by the wrong endured. Shouldn't we protect ourselves from the wrongdoer? If we forgive, won't we be vulnerable? As former President John F. Kennedy once said, "Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."
Why Forgive?
Though we are aware, at some level, that we should forgive, we may not know how good forgiveness is for us. Recent research shows that forgiveness can actually benefit us in many ways. According to Dr. Giacomo Bono and Dr. Michael McCullough, forgiving someone may promote physical, psychological, and spiritual health (Positive Responses to Benefit and Harm: Bringing Forgiveness and Gratitude Into Cognitive Psychotherapy, Journal of Cognitive Psychotherapy, Volume 20, Number 2 · 2006).
Physically
According to Drs. Bono and McCullough, not forgiving can hurt us physically. Negative emotional states, such as those that result from ruminating on an offense, can hamper one's immunological and cardiovascular functioning. Conversely, the positive emotional state from forgiving someone can result in improvements in heart rate and blood pressure, as well as a decrease in cortisol, the stress hormone.
Psychologically
The psychological benefits from forgiving an offense can include freedom from many of the distressing emotions so common with psychological difficulties such as depression and anxiety. Forgiving can increase positive thinking, decrease despair, improve self-worth, increase ones' sense of social and emotional support, and decrease defensiveness, blame, and thoughts of vengeance.
Spiritually
Not surprisingly, forgiving those who injure us can benefit us spiritually too. Bono and McCullough report a "greater sense of transcendent consciousness and communion with God." Additionally, Christians know that forgiveness is very important to God, because He paid such a high price for forgiveness. Hebrews 9:14 (NIV) says that "the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse(s) our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God!"
So, though forgiveness may be hard to do, consider the adverse physical, psychological, and spiritual states that result from not forgiving. Obviously, God takes forgiveness very seriously. He places a high value on forgiveness because He loves us very much and, like a caring Father, knows what is good for us too!
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 Mary Beth Woll, M.A., is a therapist at the Bothell and Marysville, WA, clinics. She has had special training in the area of Inner Healing and works at a local church providing support to the leaders of a 12-step recovery program.
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By Bradley Kahle, Psy.D.
I've been seeing Christmas decorations emerging since the middle of October. It seems like summer just ended, we've skipped fall and jumped right into the holiday season. For most of us, the holidays bring thanksgiving, the joy of our Savior's birth, fun with our families, and a season of celebration. However, it also brings an overly busy schedule of activities, financial stress as we shop for those perfect gifts, preparations for those parties to attend, and frustration with our dysfunctional families! Then there are those individuals who have experienced the loss of a loved one, loss of a job, or a divorce. They are anything but cheerful during this time of year. Those heart warming Hallmark ads strike a painful cord for people with families fraught with pain and disappointment. The holidays bring both joy and sorrow, so how do we cope?
There are a number of sources of stress during this time of year. Holiday burnout is a significant source of distress. When we over book our schedule and run ourselves ragged, we turn "the most wonderful time of the year" into a "nightmare before Christmas." Set limits on your schedule. There are many wonderful things you can do. Just don't do all of them! Don't be afraid to say "no" to some of the parties and activities of the season. Friends and family should understand since their schedules are too busy as well. And if they don't, you still need to take care of yourself. Set boundaries and schedule only the important events. Don't forget to schedule down time too. Remember to enjoy the season. We sometimes run so fast we don't even remember the season.
There is intensity to all of the cooking, cleaning, shopping, packing and traveling during the holiday season. Plan accordingly and don't be afraid to delegate responsibilities. Everyone in the family can help out. Working together is not only helpful, but it can be fun too. My wife is great at making lists and planning ahead for the variety of tasks that have to be done. When hosting a gathering, plan ahead and do as much as possible before an event. Ask for help. Friends are usually more than happy to bring a dish to pass and help you clean up after dinner. You don't have to do it all, and you need to enjoy your gatherings! And remember that it truly is the thought that counts, so don't over spend. Budget your gift spending and stick to it.
For many, the holiday season is a reminder of losses they have experienced over the past year. The first Christmas without your father or husband or grandparent is very painful. The memories can create both joy and sorrow. For many, coming to the end of the year divorced and alone causes much pain. Losing a job and the difficult financial constraints this causes also creates grief and fear. The pain of being childless when you see joyful children running all around is almost too much to bear. There are losses too numerous to list. Somehow, the holiday season accentuates our grief and amplifies our loneliness. People tend to isolate and retreat. "I don't want to drag others down with me." As Christians, we are called to bear one anothers burdens and weep with those who weep. If you are hurting this holiday season, don't grieve alone. Find safe people who will support you in your grief. Reach out and connect to others. If you know someone who may be hurting, reach out to him or her. Give them a call and let them know you are thinking about them and praying for them. Get together for coffee and simply listen. We can't fix the loss, but we can listen, pray, and care.
Finally, remember what this holiday thing is all about. Have a heart of gratitude and thankfulness for all of the good things that come from the hand of God. Take time to celebrate the birth of our Lord Jesus. "For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him." John 3:17. What a truly amazing gift, so let's give thanks!
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Bradley Kahle is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist at the clinic in Wheaton, IL, and is the Director of the Day Program. Dr. Kahle is a member of the National Register of Health Services Providers and is an Adjunct Faculty Member at Wheaton College where he teaches in the Psy.D. program. |
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CHATTING WITH. . .NORM HOSTETLER, LCPC
Norm Hostetler is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor at the Meier Clinics in Wheaton, IL.
Editor: How long have you been a counselor?
Norm Hostetler: Before coming to Meier Clinics, I worked part time at Grace Seminary in their counseling department for a short while. It was actually when I let Grace Seminary know that I had given two of my teachers' names as a reference for another counseling job I applied for that the secretary told me about a Minirth-Meier Clinic opening in Wheaton. I called them right away to apply, was hired as the third counselor on staff, and have now been here for over 21 years.
E: Have you always worked as a counselor?
NH: No. Before I started counseling, I taught school for 17 years and was in the insurance business for 14 years.
E: Why, after two other full-time careers, did you decide to become a counselor?
NH: I really didn't feel satisfied with the insurance business so I decided to go to Grace Seminary thinking that I might go into Bible Teaching. There wasn't even a counseling program when I started at Grace. One day I heard that Larry Crabb and Dan Allender were going to be teaching counseling courses and I decided to give it a try. I guess you could say that I just happened to be there at the right time to make this connection and get great training. I soon discovered that this fits me better than anything else I've ever done.
E: What are some of the biggest changes you've seen over the past 20+ years at the clinic?
NH: The way the clinic has expanded. It has grown and grown. I was one of three therapists when I started and now there are over 35. So, we've added a lot of great staff and are able to minister to a lot more people. I believe that this growth gives evidence that God is working here.
E: I know that you are often referred to as the "oldest" counselor on staff as far as years of service as well as age. What is your secret to staying young and vibrant?
NH: At 78 years old, I have to thank good genes. My father was 100 when he died. I'm also constantly learning and looking for new challenges. I think if a person stops learning, they're dead.
E: What is the most rewarding part of your job?
NH: Seeing how God works in peoples' lives. I know the results don't come because of my wisdom or skill but because of God.
E: What is the most frustrating part of your job?
NH: I look for those who are teachable. When they aren't teachable, it's frustrating.
E: What book would you recommend as a "must read?"
NH: Any book by Dan Allender and/or Dallas Willard. They give you a framework for thinking about your life and your relationship to God.
E: What do you do in your spare time?
NH: I enjoy gardening, reading and photography, especially taking pictures of scenery and my family. My wife, Marilyn, and I have four children, 11 grandchildren, and 10 great-grandchildren, the 10th being born this year on Thanksgiving.
E: What is your favorite Bible verse?
NH: It changes, but right now it is 2 Peter 1:3-11. I want to spend more time in it. It talks about finishing well. It's never too soon or too late to think about finishing well. We'll hear our Savior say "Well done my good and faithful servant." The question is, what do you want Him to say that about?
E: Do you have any advice you'd like to share with our readers?
NH: Yes. "More" is available. . .more connection with God, more of the Christian life, more spirituality. There is more available in the Christian life than people have experienced. I want to help people become hungry for the "more" that is available. I want more of what God has for me. I want more of Him, and I want to help others see they can have that too. | |
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