July 2007
 
E-News from Meier Clinics
 

"One of the most trusted names in Christian Counseling"               1-888-7 CLINIC 

Premarital Counseling
by Stan Russell, LLPC  
 
   Most churches have some kind of premarital counseling program in place.  These range from handing a couple a workbook to having a minister or lay minister guide the couple through a workbook to referral for counseling through a trained therapist.  What is not always clear is how to determine what is best for a specific couple.
    Some factors that indicate a couple may be at risk of marital failure include, but are not limited to, poor self-awareness or values, poor conflict management skills, and poor communication skills.  Couples who demonstrate a great deal of rigidity, immaturity, or poor insight in these areas are candidates for higher levels of premarital care.  Other indicators may include personal histories of drug or alcohol abuse, physical or sexual abuse, and previous marriages.  Self-help books and pastoral counseling are certainly of great benefit.  However, when these at risk factors are present, marriage preparation can become problematic and the couple may need the expertise of a professionally trained therapist to give them the best opportunity for marital success.
    By assessing marital candidates and screening for these and other risk factors, churches can increase their effectiveness in providing resources to engaged or dating couples that will increase the likelihood of marital success and satisfaction.  Churches and other organizations can explore resources and training options by contacting a qualified counselor.   
    Focus on the Family (719-531-3400) and Meier Clinics (888-7-CLINIC) are happy to help individuals, pastors, and organizations find quality pre-marital and marriage counselors.
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Stan Russell, MA, LLPC, is a licensed counselor at the Meier Clinics in Battle Creek, Michigan.
 
WHY ARE THE FIRST FIVE YEARS OF MARRIAGE SO IMPORTANT?
 
By FOCUS ON THE FAMILY'S
Phillip J. Swihart, Ph.D. and Wilford Wooten, LMFT
 
    When it comes to the Indianapolis 500, it may be difficult to predict which lap will be most critical.  But in a marriage, the first five years are central.  That's when key adjustments are made and expectations are tested.
    How you deal with the large and small crises of your marriage during the first five years sets important patterns for the future.  That's true whether you're a woman or a man, and whether you tend to run in panic or stay and bury your feelings.  Researchers have found consistently that those first years uniquely predict which marriages are likely to flourish and which may die an early death.
 
Blissed Out or Stressed Out?
    Most marriages start with the delight of "being in love" and honeymoon excitement.  The question is what happens next.  Does bliss lead to adjustment, compromises, and learning to really love another person who may have very different needs and expectations?  Or does it give way to poorly handled conflict, power struggles, and deepening frustration and resentment?
    Even in marriages that end up thriving, marital stressors may be--or at least seem to be--more intense during the first five years than later.  Financial problems, for instance, challenge so many young couples in the first few years.
    Trying to agree on priorities is stressful for new spouses, too.  What purchases should they make?  What should they forgo?  Where should they live?  Should they buy a house or rent an apartment?
    Other stressors include getting used to the in-laws.  Discovering what your mate's family is really like can be a shock.
    Another frequent stressor for many recently married couples is pregnancy--and the joys and strains of parenting.  Trying to learn a whole new skill set is hard enough, but it's much harder when you're desperate for a few more hours of sleep.
    The spiritual dimension of your relationship can be a point of contention early in your marriage, too.  These years often form fertile ground for spiritual attack by an enemy who would love to destroy a relationship that God has blessed as holy.
 
A Guide to Working It Out
    Many of the challenges of the first five years stem from distorted expectations.  We live in a fast-food culture with a sense of entitlement to having everything happen on demand.  But marriage doesn't work that way.
    Many spouses are blindsided by the complexities of married life, having assumed they instantly and naturally know all they need to know about making a relationship work.  Radio Bible teacher, Alistair Begg, suggests that we should expect to work out the marriage relationship "with fear and trembling" rather than being cocky and deluded by the notion that it will all come easily.
_______________________________
 
The preceding is an excerpt from the book, The First Five Years of Marriage:  Launching a Lifelong, Successful Relationship, A Focus on the Family Resource from Tyndale Publishers, 2006, ISBN #1-58997-041-1.  Books may be ordered online at www.family.org.
 
corrinPhillip Swihart, Ph.D.  is the Director of Counseling Services and Community Relations for the Counseling Department at Focus on the Family.  He holds a doctorate in clinical psychology from Purdue University.  He has been married for 37 years to Linda; they have three adult children.
 
Willy WootenWilford Wooten, MSW, LMFT, LCSW,  is the Senior Director of The Counseling Department at Focus on the Family where he has served for 13 years.  He has over 35 years counseling experience and is a licensed marriage and family therapist as well as a clinical social worker.  He has been married to Joan for 39 years; they have two sons and six grandchildren.
 
 
 
Taking A Vacation?
 
    It's vacation time for many people.  The time of year to take a break from work, see new places, relax, and unwind.
    But not everyone can take a break this summer.  Their depression, anxiety, loneliness, strained marriages, rebellious children don't take vacations.  Many are feeling hopeless because they can't afford the help they need to send their problems packing.
    Would you consider using a small portion of the funds you have set aside for vacation this summer to help one of these people?  All contributions are tax deductible and may be made at www.meierclinics.org or 800-848-8872.
 
    Enjoy your vacation even more this year knowing you've given someone else a break!
 
  
 

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interest of others."     Phil. 2:3-4

 
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