Have you ever heard the phrase "you have to love yourself first before you can love another?" During a journey process I was facilitating recently, the mentor in the process spoke these words. I paused, reflecting on how much I'd changed since I first heard these words spoken. Over the twenty plus years since that day I've learned the deep truth of these words.
If you want to have a great relationship, it starts with you!It starts with the love and respect you have for yourself. If you can't love, honor and cherish you, then why would your partner? Or anyone else for that matter?
I know that may seem frustrating to some. It did to me. I remember exactly where I was sitting with a guy I had a big crush on during my junior year of college. He said to me, "You're not ready for relationship. You have to love yourself before you'll ever be able to love another." I was hurt, angry, and "crushed" by his words. Only two years later I went on to marry a wonderful college sweetheart and we divorced four years after that.
My conscious mind had no idea how true those words are for nearly 17 years. When I finally got what that statement really meant, I realized that no matter how much my husband would have loved me, it never would have been enough for me to feel love. I so disliked myself and I so didn't believe I deserved love that I continuously felt empty. If I was really honest, I couldn't imagine how he could love me - even though he said he did - because I felt so bad about myself.
So began my journey to self-love...
What's you relationship like with you?
I heard someone say recently, the quality of your relationship with you determines the quality of your relationship with another.
It's sooooo true!
Ask yourself... notice....
- Do you honor your own needs, wants and desires... or do you go along with what everyone else wants?
- Do you make sure you take care of yourself before you take care of others... or do you self-sacrifice, pouring into others from your own cup which is only half-full or, worse yet, empty?
- Do you have compassion for your own weaknesses or challenges... or are you critical and self-judging?
- Do you love yourself... or do you hold back reserving "love" for others but not for yourself?
If you are noticing ways in which you short-change yourself in the love and respect department, notice... do you also commonly feel disrespected, unseen, unappreciated, or even unloved in your relationship? If you're not in relationship now, have you felt that way in the past? Could these have been contributing factors in your breakup?
Self-love is the key to success... to greater loving
It's available to you now
I can tell you the love, honor and respect I have for myself now is 1000-fold greater than what I had even five years ago. I moved from a deep place of self-hatred where I was a raging self-critic to the gentleness, tenderness, compassion and love that I have for myself today. I love who I am. I so often say now, "I feel blessed to be me!" and I really mean it!
So why don't we love ourselves? We're conditioned by words like "good girl/boy" or "You're bad." Criticism can shut down our love. If someone leaves we can decide we're not worthy of love. We might learn that if we're hard on ourselves, we'll try to work even harder to be even better.
You can begin undoing this conditioning, this disrespect, this self-hate or self-judgement by first starting to notice the patterns of interactions with yourself and then through Journeywork or some other cellular healing process we can start to permanently clear out the pain, the hurt that holds these patterns in place. When you clear out the root - the whole root - the patterns will no longer be needed and will fall away effortlessly... leaving you in a bath of peace, joy, love and passion.
Deepen your journey to self-love today!
With much love,
Joanna
www.greaterloving.com
