We've looked at some of the ways we talk to ourselves, how that can have an negative impact on ourselves, and some ideas on how to refute or work with those messages.  Now let's look at how self-talk can lead to or reinforce addictive behavior.

Most, if not all, internal messages come to us from a young age.  Some we have heard directed at us, some we have acquired from observations of our environment. Our coping mechanisms come from these messages.  If we believe from an early age that uncomfortable feelings or situations are not ok to tolerate, we will learn how to avoid them.  We may learn this by observing the adults in our lives.  If every time conflict arises, drinking occurs, we may interpret this as a reasonable way to cope with conflict.  If every time we cry someone sits us down with cookies and/or other food, what we may learn is that food is the answer to handling unpleasant feelings instead of being shown we can have those feelings, work through them and still be OK.  This distraction may come in many forms such as eating, abusing substances, engaging in high risk behaviors, or other compulsive actions, such as smoking, gambling, or even internet use.

No one engages in these behaviors intending to become dependent, but it certainly is a risk.  When working on recovery from various addictions or compulsive habits, how we talk to ourselves is certainly important.  Using positive messages about recovery and about our ability to cope sets the stage for success.  In essence, we can create a positive self-fulfilling prophecy!  

Re-examining our inner messages and replacing them with more effective, positive ones is key to becoming healthier.  Instead of saying "I can't stand this feeling of pain or loss" replace it with the message "I don't like this feeling but it isn't going to kill me.  I can survive this even if it is uncomfortable because I can use other resources to handle it".  Doing this in conjunction with other forms of treatment leads to a better chance for recovery.  Support in all of these changes is helpful, but most essential is to support yourself.

Visit Solutions EAP online or call 1-800-526-3485 for assistance for all life's challenges. It is free, confidential, and open to family members.