Life Dimensions
August 2009
The Relationship Resource
Teaching the Dynamics of Healthy Relationships
In This Issue
Ten Tips for Creative Conflict Management
Book In Review
Blueprint for Success
Quick Links
Marriage Fitness
Kids do and say some funny things. For example, when 10 year old Karen was asked, "How do you decide to marry?"  Her reply was, "No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry.  God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with."
Definition of Commitment
It is living and reaffirmed each time we reach out to one another in pure joy, tell the truth, each time one is there to support or comfort the other, each time a new insight or emotion is shared.  It is continually rediscovered as each day we discover who we are and how much love our hearts are capable of giving.

Ten Tips for Creative Conflict Management

                  Couple fighting               
  1. Respect each other's ideas and needs
  2. Think before speaking
  3. No name calling
  4. No personal attacking
  5. Listen so the other can talk and talk so the other will listen
  6. Turn problems into possibilities
  7. Express feelings without blaming ("I" statements and no "you's")
  8. Focus on the problem and not the person
  9. Create options (one way only prevents a win/win)
  10. Build on each person's strengths--Affirm what is working


Controlling People Book In Review 


I find myself reading all kinds of books, often recommended by clients and colleagues.  One such book is entitled Controlling People by Patricia Evans, published in 2002.   


The book is about how to recognize, understand and deal with people who try to control others. We all encounter people in our lives that tell us what to think, how to feel and how to be.   This kind of behavior can alienate others and can often cause the loss of loved ones. 


Evans' book is about connection and disconnection.  As she puts it, "the control connection substitutes for connection to self."  She goes on to say, "to the controller, love is not wishing a partner the power and strength of their own personal reality, because that personal reality is a sign of separateness."  Separateness is what the controlling person fears the most.  This is a fascinating read for anyone who is in a relationship of any kind with a controlling personality.
The best relationships is the one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.
                                                      --Joseph Newton
Blueprint  for Success 
Blue Print for SuccessMary Ann Van Buskirk is a  keynote speaker and author and has been selected from a nationwide search to be featured in Blueprint for Success, a highly successful book series from Tennessee based Insight Publishing. The book features best-selling authors Stephen R. Covey (Seven Habits of Highly Effective People) and Ken Blanchard (One Minute Manager.) Van Buskirk, Blanchard and Covey, are joined by other well-known authors and speakers, each offering time-tested strategies for success in frank and intimate interviews.
Mary Ann Van Buskirk, M.A., M.Div. is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Colorado, a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, a Fellow in the American Association of Pastoral Counselors and co-founder of Positive Coaching with over twenty years of experience as a counselor, trainer and national speaker.  People who have worked with her report vast improvements in their abilities to relate in healthier ways at home and at work.  Success is a result of healthy relationships.
Take $10 off our Seminar...
"Proven Ways to Improve your Marriage"
Treat yourself to a day enhancing your understanding on how to improve your marriage relationship.
Seminar Date:  Saturday, October 10, 2009
Time:  9:00AM-12:00PM
Location:  4155 E. Jewell Avenue, Suite 1100
               Denver, CO 80222
Cost: $35.00 per couple/$20 per individual.
Take $10 off the original price by mentioning you heard about the seminar through The Relationship Resource newsletter.
Register by October 7, 2009 (Space is limited)! 
Facilitator:  Mary Ann Van Buskirk, M.A. M.Div, LPC, 20 years counseling couples.
To sign up, email
"God must value listening more than talking because he made us with two ears and only one mouth!"

Mary Ann Van Buskirk
Life Dimensions
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