Tibetan Buddhism instructs us to "come to each other not to get, but to lose." We want to lose our suffering, which comes from ignorance, negative emotion and unwholesome actions. Alternatively, happiness is created through the cultivation of the characteristics of compassion, peace, and wisdom. In order to reach this level of relating, we must learn to observe and tame our minds. If you transform your mind, your perceptions will transform and your very experience will transform. This will overcome all fear and all anxiety, because the mind is at the root of each of these emotions. Fear will arise in the mind, but if you do not attach to it or give it credence, it will disappear or transform into courage as you act in the face of it.

When we are fearful or anxious, we are usually enmeshed in self-absorption and focused only on our own problems. I have heard it said that "when you are nervous, you should focus on service." There are infinite ways in which we can serve one another and endless reasons why it is good for us to do so. Recently there has been a lot written about mirror neurons. When we are nervous and anxious, we will tend to affect the people closest to us and vice versa. Fear feeds on fear, anger begets anger. More importantly, even in our own brains this phenomenon exists. When one part of the brain has registered the emotion of anger or fear, it will enlist the help of other neurons in order to get enough buy-in to send the correct neurotransmitter cocktail to the rest of the body that it is in "fight or flight." However, if it is isolated in its anger or fear, and other areas of the brain steadfastly refuse to join the "anger network," it will eventually lose steam and transform to match the rest of the brain's emotions of happiness and equanimity. This is where it becomes very important to just notice fear or anger and not give it any credence-just allow it to be noticed but do not attach to it or begin to build a case with it for justification. You will always be able to find just cause for anger and fear. There is always plenty of evidence if you look hard enough to justify a negative emotion, but what price do you pay for this self-righteous rage? You lose peace and happiness and the opportunity to be courageous. It takes courage to let a negative emotion go by without engaging in the ego's desire for retribution.

I would argue that this is the moment when you have an opportunity for true growth. This is the time where you can awaken to a new you. At this fork in the road you can choose instead to be a blessing rather than to be angry. You can give a blessing, you can commit a random act of kindness, without any hope of reciprocity. This is what a blessing is-kindness that is infused with your spirit and with no expectation of return attached to it. This kind of giving liberates us from the shackles of the ego that would keep us enslaved in an endless cycle of suffering, reactivity, and ignorance. This kind of generosity of spirit that occurs when someone gives of themselves freely enhances and expands consciousness, whereas giving with the expectation of return strengthens the shell of the false self, the self that only feels good if receiving outside approval. This grasping ego-self will tell you that you cannot be happy until you have proven yourself through worldly achievements.

David Spangler says that kindness is, "a blessing in seed state" and a blessing is, "a kindness with roots through which spirit flows in an act of life-giving circulation." We can be kind and we can be a blessing for those around us and for the world. When we learn how to do this, the two merge and become the face of love turned in compassion toward the world. Remember that "I" is in illness, and "we" is in wellness. Join together at the solstice and New Year and choose happiness in community with others rather than suffering in self-absorption and isolation. Spend time in reflection and learn to observe the patterns of your mind so that you may tame them. You want to be in charge of your ego, not have your ego be in charge of you! This makes relationship the highest expression of divine love since the ones around you reflect you back to you. As the beautiful Sufi verse says:

"Because the One I love lives inside of you, I lean as close to you as I can."

Happy New Year! And thank you for the many blessings you are to me!

Love,

Keesha