I want to wish everyone a happy holiday season and a safe, healthy new year.  While this is a time when people celebrate, there are many who may smile only on the surface.  Underneath they may be experiencing loneliness, isolation, and a sense of loss when their parents or other loved ones are no longer here. 

Some people may try to compensate for their sadness by buying their children and other family members expensive gifts, which increases their financial strain.  It is not unusual for people to feel anxious when they look at their bills in January and realize that they spent above their means during the holiday season. 

In addition, there are the risks that come with consuming alcohol and/or drugs during holiday parties.  If you choose to ingest alcohol or other substances, please be very careful that you give your keys to someone who is completely sober. 

I want this season to be one of rejoicing for you, but it is also important to acknowledge some of the problems that may come up during the holidays.

           Let me ask you: What negative beliefs do you have that prevent you from having peace of mind during the holidays, and perhaps during other times as well?

          Here is a survey about common negative beliefs that many people secretly hold.  Please note: this is an informational guide only, not a scientific assessment.

On a scale of 0 - 10, where 0=never and 10=always, how often do you believe these statements?

___I am not lovable.

___I am not good enough. 

___I am a failure.

___I am defective.

___I am not worth caring about.

___I don't deserve happiness.

___I don't deserve peace of mind.

___I don't deserve to be loved.

___I don't love myself.

___I don't deserve success.

___There is something wrong with me.

___I can't change.

___I can't make good choices.

___I'm not smart enough.

___I am a fraud.

___I am a bad person.

___I am hopeless.

You may find that many of your negative beliefs, when challenged, are not true at all.  Some of these beliefs may have originated when you were younger; perhaps, for example, you may have been mistreated by some of the people with whom you are celebrating these holidays.  Please do not use this newsletter as a reason to confront these people.  Rather, use it to raise your awareness about the personal healing that you may wish to do.

Self-Help Resources

             Here are some suggestions for reducing your negative feelings on your own:

 -     Read Tara Brach's book, "Radical Acceptance"

 -     Read Dr. David D. Burns' book, "The Feeling Good Handbook"

 -     Visit the website dharmaseed.org

 -     Take a look at articles on my website, including depression & sadness

If you feel that you need more help than these resources can provide, you may wish to seek treatment by a mental health professional.  You are welcome to contact me by phone at (516) 731-7611 or by email. Myself and other mental health professionals are available to assist you if needed.     

Best wishes for a happy & healthy holiday season.

Sincerely,

Mark Dworkin LCSW and his staff, Tenaya Parchment & Robyn Goldberg