Naikan self-reflection is an excellent way to change your perspective on your stressors. The cornerstone of Naikan practice is the daily self-reflection on three questions that will help you gain insight into and a deeper appreciation of their connectedness and indebtedness to others.  

The three questions are:

-          What did I receive from others today? *

-          What did I give to others today

-          What troubles and difficulties did I cause others today?

Reflecting on these questions for 30 minutes (10 minutes for each question) at least once a week forms the basis for developing grace and expressing gratitude. Developing grace, and becoming more grateful for what you have and what others have done for you shifts the focus from you and your "problems" to others, what they have done for you, and what problems you have caused them. Expressing gratitude for what others have done for you helps establish a deeper connection with others. In time, and with regular practice, such a shift away from yourself and your problems helps you feel less distanced from others and more connected to them.

Instructions:

1. Tonight, spend 30 minutes reflecting on the following three questions:

-          What did I receive from my spouse this year?

-          What did I give to my spouse this year?

-          What troubles and difficulties did I cause my spouse this  

You can substitute your mother, father, sibling, or anyone for your spouse if you are not married or do not want to focus on this person. Allocate your time so you spend 10 minutes on each question.

2.  At the end of the 30 minutes review your lists and compare what the other person did for you compared to what you did for him/her or the problems you caused.

3. Write a mindful thank you note to the other person thanking her/him for something specific that s/he did for you or gave to you during the year.

Try to be as specific as possible when describing what the other person has done for you. For example:

My spouse contributed 50% of the household income.

My spouse contributed to 40% of our savings account.

My spouse cooked 70% of all the meals prepared at home.

My spouse washed 80% of all the loads of wash done last year.

My spouse bough me a new sweater that I really love.

My spouse made me a beautiful birdhouse for my garden.

Although it may seem silly or petty initially to break down your relationship like this it is especially helpful when compare the lists (what you did for your spouse vs. what your spouse did for you). Think about what would your life be like without that person and how much s/he contributed to your wellbeing.

*As a variation, examine a longer time period. You might consider breaking down your life up until this point into 10 year segments and reflect on the same questions over a longer period of time.