Healthy Stress Newsletter

People often get stuck because they fall into common thinking traps based upon myths related to cultural norms, outdated information, and common misconceptions. These thinking traps are also linked to unhelpful relational frames from the past.

While you can't stop your mind from creating these thinking traps in the first place, you can learn how to recognize them for what they are, traps, and learn new ways to behave in relation to them. Remember, although you can't stop your mind from creating or eliminating these traps, you can control how you behave once you realize you have fallen into them. With practice you can also begin to recognize them more quickly and avoid falling into them once your minds springs them.

Let's look at one of these traps, The Thoughts are Orders Trap. The following ddescirtion is taken from my book, Stress Less, Live More, how acceptance and commitment therapy can help you live a busy yet balanced life (2010, New Harbinger Publications) where I discuss all 10 traps.

The "thoughts are orders trap" is based on the belief that just because your mind thinks of something you feel you have to act on it. Remember, you can't control your unhelpful thoughts but you can control your behavior in relation to them. Since all thoughts are not equally helpful, and some are ridiculous and even embarrassing, it is okay for you to say to yourself; there goes my crazy mind again, I don't have to act on these silly thoughts.

For example, imagine that you get into a lot of trouble because you feel compelled to correct other people every time they cite an incorrect fact or make a mistake. You personally can't tolerate being wrong or making mistakes and you feel compelled to set this same standard for your interactions with other people. Even in situations where you like the other people and want to get to know them better you will often embarrass them in front of others by cutting them off and correcting their mistakes. When this happens you note that your mind tells you things such as; They should know that information or That is blatantly incorrect, I can't let them get away with that.

Just because your mind told you that the others were wrong and should not be allowed to get away with passing misinformation, does not mean that you had to act on these thoughts and correct them in public. It is perfectly all right for you to think, I really should not let them get away with this, but not act on this thought because doing so will embarrass the other people and work against your efforts to befriend them.

When you take such actions you compound your unhelpful thoughts with unhelpful behavior. You fall into the "thoughts are orders trap" when you mindlessly treat unhelpful thoughts as marching orders.