Healthy Stress Newsletter

Words are Everything

Last month I introduced my approach to stress management by giving you my definition of stress. If you remember, a key aspect of the definition is viewing stress as a transaction between a potential stressor and your mind.

I can't emphasize enough how important your choice of words and self-talk (what you tell yourself about the potential stressors and your ability to cope with them) is in this transaction. They actually determine whether the potential stressor becomes an actual stressor.

The overwhelming majority of your stress is created by what you tell yourself about two things:

1. How threatening a potential stressor is.

2. Your ability to cope with it.

If you tell yourself something is threatening then it will be (regardless of any objective evidence to the contrary).

If you tell yourself that you can't cope with something you won't be able to (regardless of your true coping strength).

For example, think about the following two statements:

"Men (or women), I'll never be able to understand them and find someone to love me."

"Democrats (or Republicans, or Independents) are just going to destroy our country and there is nothing I can do about it."

In each case you let a stereotypical (men, women, Democrats, Republicans) potential stressor become an actual stressor because you underestimate your ability to cope.

Try replacing your stressful self talk with more logical talk such as:

"Not ALL men and women are impossible to understand. Eventually I will understand many things about the man or woman I love and accept the fact that I'll never understand everything about anybody."

"The Democrats or Republocans that are in office now may screw things up and get the country off the course I'd like to see it on but if things get too out of alignment I, and the rest of the voters will vote the offending party out of the majority within one or two elections."

Remember: Words are everything when it comes to stress transactions!!!!!!!!

You've probably noticed that I use the term potential stressors a lot. This is a conscious choice on my part.

Something is only a potential stressor until your thoughts about it determine that it is threatening and beyond your ability to cope with.

All of my students and clients keep stressor journals that focus on their potential stressors and what they tell themselves about them. This month's Stress Buster Tip focuses on how to keep your own personal stressor journal.

I use a lot of what I call Rethinking techniques in my work to help people assess their illogical, irrational, and inaccurate words and stress language and learn how to substitute more stress-reducing self-talk. This is a major focus of Acceptance and Committment Therapy (ACT) and my new book .