Many of us grew up in less than ideal situations. We were domesticated. We were taught what ways were good to be and what ways were bad, we were rewarded for doing right and punished for doing wrong. The worst punishment was rejection-- being ignored, sent to the corner or to our rooms, threatened with being left out, left behind, or exiled.
In time, we learned to internalize the rejection and reject ourselves. It actually seemed like a good defense against outside rejection-- if we beat them to it, we knew it would be less painful than if
they rejected us. After all, we depended on them for all of the basics that supported our survival.
So, we became the masters of self-rejection. We created a judging voice in our minds, reminding us to do it right, perform properly, be good, and follow the rules the best we could. I'm often surprised when people aren't aware of their inner judge voice, or accept it as a normal part of their mind.
It's painful to be made wrong all the time. Nobody likes it from
the outside, but many people unconsciously tolerate in their own minds. What about you? If someone was following you around talking to you critically like your inner judge, what would you do? How would you handle it?
We don't need to tolerate all that rejection. We came into this world totally IN love with all of creation, and we learned to judge and reject ourselves. There is no reason we can't go back to that default state and live our lives in that same acceptance we lived in at the beginning.
We need to become masters of self-acceptance. It was natural for us until we learned self-rejection. Let's make it natural again. An adult life lived in acceptance of ourselves extends naturally to an acceptance of all creation. This could be a description of "Enlightenment." I can tell you this: It will make you very happy. Perhaps
that is a good description of Enlightenment.
For more about Active Self Acceptance,
join the conversation on my radio show or check the archives, here
So, since we actively learned to reject ourselves, I suggest we turn it around by actively learning to accept ourselves. Here are three simple (yet not necessarily easy) principles I use. They are borrowed from Nathaniel Brandon's book,
The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, with gratitude:
* Value Yourself: Be on your side! Be
for yourself. You are a child of the universe and have a right to belong here,
as you are. Repeat as needed: "I choose to value myself, to treat myself with respect, to stand up for my right to exist,
as I am!"
* Tell Yourself the Truth: Make real to yourself what is true about you, without denial or evasion. Refuse to have an adversarial relationship with any part of your physical, emotional, or spiritual bodies. "I choose to tell myself the truth about myself and to accept and love everything I am....and everything I am not."
* Be Your Own Best Friend: Have compassion for yourself. You are a perfect human being, doing your best. Be a good friend to yourself. Listen to your truth, your fears, loves, and needs, with compassion and acceptance. "I choose to be a gentle and loving friend to myself, and to accept my feelings and actions without judgment or blame."
in our minds to continue the abuse of self-rejection. But we must take
to stop it, and to learn a new way of speaking to ourselves. I hope you will join me for my radio show this evening on the
, for a conversation about this shift.
, you know the rest.
