I take a "live and let live" attitude toward rats and other things as long as they stay outdoors where they belong.  But two years ago when I pulled the ladder down and went up in the attic to get our Christmas decorations, I found our boxes had been eaten into ... and when I got them down I discovered that rats had eaten almost all of our Christmas decorations.  Those rats!
 
Well actually the roaches helped them too.  They ate Baby Jesus, Joseph, Mary and the Wise Men (who would have been wiser if they had stayed out of the box).  A lot of the decorations were little handmade things that my three daughters had made for the trees over the years, so eating those were really a personal affront.
 
Down here in South Carolina, we have huge roaches.  Nobody calls them roaches.
The Chamber of Commerce calls them "Palmetto Bugs" as if giving them a nice name gives them a nice personality.  Other people call them "Water Bugs" because they seem to come in through the water pipes.  But believe me, they are roaches as in "a rose by any other name."
 
These suckers are big and mean.  They can fly.  They could carry away your chickens if you had any.  And you don't dare squish them because they have a belly full of Christmas tree ornaments inside.  Someone said they were eating the glue so they would probably stick to your feet.
 
It broke my heart to throw away all those eaten decorations.  They even ate the glass/plastic ornaments.  I had a big pickle ornament.  I'm not sure why I ever bought a pickle for the Christmas tree but it seemed like a good thing to do at the time.  Gone!
 
This is not my first encounter with S.C. roaches ... when I moved down here, they moved into my car like it was a second home for them.  I didn't dare leave my keys in the car for fear they would drive off with it. And, yes, they are big enough to drive a SUV.  I tried putting Roach Motels in the car .... they ate the motels and laughed at me.  I sprayed roach killer; they all put on gas masks .... grabbed the roach killer and sprayed me.  Finally I made a truce with them ... stay still and don't run around while I am driving and you can live here like you want.  That worked fairly well.   What they didn't know is that I had a plan to get rid of them permanently.  I was going to spend the summer in Maine, so I took them with me.
 
The black flies in Maine are as big as roaches in South Carolina so they had some insects to play with.  But what they didn't know is that Maine gets cold, cold, cold.  Right before I left to come home, I went over to a Laundromat ... opened all the doors and windows ... and gave the car a good spraying.  They all ran for their lives and I quickly closed the doors and drove off.  I saw them grouped around the front door of the Laundromat, huddled and shivering.  Even if they have roaches in Maine, nobody would understand them with their Southern accents.
 
I keep thinking they will show up here in S.C. again.  Lots of migrant workers come up to Maine at the end of summer to pick blueberries.  I figure the roaches have hitched a ride back down this way.  I keep looking for roaches with serapes and speaking Spanish.  But if I find them in my car, I'm calling Homeland Security and reporting them as illegal immigrants
 
Have a Happy Holiday Season, y'all.
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