by Clay Ratliff 

I love City Church for many reasons, but perhaps one of the greatest is that there's no perception of perfection. Vulnerability, honesty, integrity, and humility are essential for growth and intimacy between members of the body of Christ. Keeping in alignment with such a belief in transparency I need to confess and share with you, my church, about one of my greatest struggles in life; the not-so-secret sins of lust and idolatry manifest as an addiction to pornography.

I confessed my addiction to Andi before we were married, and we both thought it would go away once married. I knew the desires were not evil, but rather how I was satisfying them, and assumed that they would simply be replaced by the intimacies of marriage. Wrong.  

In 1 Peter 5:8, we're warned "Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith..." I recently heard John Piper say, "There is nothing passive in my will when the lion of lust comes out of the bushes. I don't lie down and wait for a miracle. I act the miracle." Early in our marriage I waited for a miracle rather than fighting against my sin. Instead I should've challenged myself as Phillip Brooks did when he said "Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no
miracle, but you shall be the miracle."

I have found that when fighting besetting sin you must be radical, persistent, and vigilant. 2 Timothy 2:22 says "So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace..." and Colossians 3:5 says "Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry."

I spent the better part of a decade asking God to kill this goliath of mine, but never spent enough time in the Word to learn the truth. The cross is key to sanctification, and the way the cross becomes effective in my conquering cancelled sin is by empowering my will to oppose sin in my life. Christ freed me from sin, but I had voluntarily returned to slavery. I am responsible for my own addiction.

Al Mohler said that "Every man must decide who he will be, whom he will serve, and how he will love. In the end, a man's decision about pornography is a decision about his soul, marriage, wife, and God." God brought me to a point where I had to make a decision. With the freedom bought by Christ, I chose to pursue righteousness by seeking the glory of God as my favorite pleasure, the ultimate pleasure. The only way to fight the lie of sinful pleasure is with the truth of righteous pleasure.

Andi is a daily reminder of the gospel to me. Andi has chosen to love me despite my sins against her; she prays for me and encourages me. However, I cannot imagine the depth of the hurt and pain I have caused her, and because of that I must warn you. If you struggle with this sin, you must put it to death now, or it could kill your spouse! Even if you are not married, do not trade years of intimacy in the future for moments of pleasure in the present.

Going back to 1 Peter 5:9, "Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world." I know I have many brothers experiencing the same kind of suffering. Pornography is an epidemic in our culture and that does not exclude the church. If you are reading this, you have your email open. Please send an email, right now, to someone who can help. You may email me at clay.ratliff@comcast.net, or your community group leader, or Dean. Do not wait! The sinful side of you that does not want to have accountability will talk you out of it, because a part of you wants to continue in this sin. We must
rebel against pornography, and we all need help.

Please pray for our church, especially the men who struggle with pornography. Pray this prayer by Scotty Smith, http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/scottysmith/2011/01/28/a-prayer-for-friends-struggling-with-pornography/.