eWell March 24, 2010

"This Changes Everything" by Leslie Lewis

For anyone who hasn't experienced Tallahassee when the college students have had a break from school, it feels like a ghost town. A complete evacuation of almost everyone occurs in a days worth of time. About 2 weeks ago when everyone was gone for spring break I had a lot of time to myself. At first I was looking forward to some down time on the side of my crazy school and work schedule and for the first couple of days it was really refreshing.

Nearing the end of the third day, I felt so alone and as if I was insignificant to the world, meaning, my "world." With my boyfriend, Bryan, in Haiti and all of my friends in various places around the state, my "world" was temporarily on vacation...without me. Beginning to feel sad for myself I realized how horrible my mindset was towards what my "world" was about. I have always been aware of how easy it is to be selfish and make my life all about me but it became real to me that I am the god of my world. The people I love are my security and what I place the majority of my worth in. It was a harsh reality when my universe so quickly stopped revolving around me. I realized how severely my brain was programmed to have ME as my main focus; how my life had been planned by me to make ME happy. When everyone left, it helped me realize the magnitude of me only focusing on ME. It wasn't until everything that I had placed my security and happiness in was gone, that I noticed my large issue.

After feeling sorry for myself, I quite honestly became embarrassed and I finally could see myself for what I really was. Without any distractions (people) around me, I realized that I hadn't been allowing God to be in my life in the way He deserves. I had been exposed to myself as a weak person who doesn't rely on God for much in my life. I need to have peace with God and not only be content with Him but be pursuing Him passionately day by day. Whether I'm alone or surrounded by everyone I love, I should be kneeling before my Holy God who saved me. So for the rest of the week I battled back and forth with myself to be merely content with God but still feeling down. As a Christian living in this world that needs Jesus, I can't be feeling down about mental struggles that get in the way of me and God and other people. God requires it of me to be ready to give a reason for the hope that is in me as 1 Peter 3:15 says. I can't do this with effect if I'm putting myself in the center of my world. It defeats the purpose of telling of a God who is powerful to save, if I myself cannot even be spending time with Him everyday with peace and security for my life, outside of my worldly relationships. Jesus is sufficient for my life but gives us those relationships to encourage us back to God in times of struggle.