eWell September 30, 2009

"Enough Said" by April Johnson

So despite my constant lack of follow through, discipline, and effort, God just will not give up on me. Now this is definitely not something I am complaining about, believe me. It is something that saves my butt in a place where I far too often slap God in the face with my choices and actions. Yet He never ceases to keep the blessings and love coming at a constant flow in my direction. This still blows my mind to no end sometimes that He chooses to love each and every one of us in this unconditional way. But it is also something that I have allowed myself to use as a crutch in becoming lazy. The whole I-really-shouldn't-be-doing-this,-but-it's-what-I-want-right-now-and-I'll-get-my-priorities-back-in-line-later thing is something that I've perfected over the last year, but it is not something I am proud of.

As some may know, I lost my dad, whom I was extremely close with, last year to cancer. God took that time as an opportunity to really pull me close to Him, and I grew in our relationship more than ever before. He revealed to me a lot of things about myself and my life during that time. Since then however, for one reason or another, I have become very idle in my walk with the Lord. I have not been in the Word and truly living a lifestyle that reflects what I claim to believe on a daily basis. Yet somehow I have rationalized to myself that this is okay. Lucky for me, letting me fall by the wayside has been the last thing on God's agenda. He has made his case clear to me in every way possible recently. The series that we just wrapped up, We're just NOT that into You, has been my current life in a nutshell. Each Sunday I've sat and listened as Dean spoke, thinking "Ok, God, I know, I get it." Yet I've continued to drag my feet along each week in their now habitual ways. And then this past Sunday as I was pulling into church a new song by BarlowGirl came on the radio and God really spoke to me again as I listened to the words pour out of my speakers:

"And it scares me to think, that I would choose my life over you. Oh my selfish heart, divides me from you, it tears us apart."

I just thought to myself, 'Wow, this is me. Have I really become that person who has chosen her 'life' over God?' I know just as well as anyone that this place is not our home. It's just temporary, yet I have trucked along with this lackluster faith day in and day out. The song goes on to talk about forgetting who God is and what 'our' ending will be. (You should listen to it, it might give you some perspective). I realize that I am reiterating what Dean has spoken about in the past few weeks but it is something that has personally resonated with me, and maybe it hits home with some of you as well.

As far as I'm concerned, my grace period is over, and God has been more than gracious. He has called me to step up (on multiple occasions, I might add) and I'm ready and willing for the change. So if you see me around, don't be afraid to ask if I'm really doing the things God has called me to do. And don't be afraid to take a step back and ask yourself the same question. It's not a mistake that God has equipped us in the unique ways that He has. He didn't give us these gifts for nothing and it is encouraging to remember that even though we fall short every day, He is "The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness." Exodus 34:6

(April Johnson is a senior at The Florida State University. She's a Well Kids volunteer, and helps brew the coffee for the 11:05 a.m. service.)