"Ever since Jill
started in first grade, she's become louder, messier, and not as kind as she was
in kindergarten. I think her first
grade classroom must be the reason she is the way she is," Jill's mother,
Paula, said.
Susan,
a former kindergarten and first-grade teacher, smiled. "Paula, I heard this every year. What's happening with Jill is that she
has entered a new stage of development, one that's loud, messy and rude. Jill sounds like a six-year-old, a
perfect six-year-old."
Yes,
something different and mysterious begins to happen to our sweet and
well-mannered five-year-olds. They
turn six, lose teeth, get taller, and their hair loses it curl while becoming
coarser and straighter. And their brain changes.
As
physical changes occur in our children, we also see behavioral changes. Children--who a few months before were
content to eat what was served, wear the clothes in their closet, and enjoy the
activities available-become less accommodating. We begin to hear the phrases, 'that's boring", 'that's babyish",
"that's not fair" and 'that's yucky".
There is also the question "Why do I have to?"
Between the ages of six to twelve years, children are in a period of
development where they are trying to become more independent of their family
and close circle of friends. They are trying to 'break out into society" and
make themselves into social beings.
The child of this age has a strong desire "to go somewhere," whereas
younger children are happy to be home, and in fact might resist trips out of
the house. The older child wants
to dress differently than younger children. The older child, in fact, is striving to push parents away
as he or she develops independence within a group.
We
shouldn't be too quick to label a child discourteous or dirty. These behaviors manifest themselves as
independence grows, and can turn into rebellion if not allowed in some aspect
of the child's life. Children may
want to change their names, style of dress, hairstyles and favorite
colors.
At
age six, one of my daughters went from shoulder length hair with a penchant for
lavender party dresses and black patent leather shoes, to red and blue rugby
shirts, corduroy pants, and an over-the-ear haircut. She also changed her name to Luke, in honor of Luke
Skywalker. It was hard to miss
that she was not five any more.
During
this six to twelve-year old period of childhood, there are extremely powerful
forces at work within the child.
It is a period of robust good health. The colds and ear infections of the previous six years are
infrequent. Growth is steady
and good health gives strength to the mind.
The
intellect of the child is most receptive to learning at this age. The ability to reason appears, and the
use of imagination begins. A
developing sense of morality emerges in the child, along with an awareness of
good and evil. The child is also
drawn to the enormous or the oddball.
At this age children love exploring the Guinness Book of World
Records. Hero worship is also part
of this age child's activities.
As
you notice these changes in your six and seven year old, don't panic. Your
child is taking his or her first steps into a new world of independence, great
intellectual growth, and a developing a sense of right and wrong.
There
is so much of the world and life for the six to twelve-year-old to learn,
experience and understand.
Impatience can be read as rudeness. At the next stage of development, during ages twelve to
fifteen, we'll have an opportunity to reintroduce the grace and courtesy of
social skills to a more receptive audience.
Enjoy
the missing teeth, the new hair-dos, the different clothes, because these
changes let you know that your child is navigating the path to adulthood.
Next
week: A Child's Developing Sense
of Humor
Happy Halloween!