Dr. Joe answers question on male sexual abuse at www.malesurvivor.org
I'm a very happily married 42 yr old and I have recently come clean to my wife about my abuse, I'm a very open guy when it comes to most things but I nevr talked to a soul my whole life about my abuse.
I was molested and an attempt to rape me was made as a young male until the age of about 12, I thought I had buried those memories along time ago, but as time went on in life and the abuse stopped, I had some experiences in my teens and later that have made me very nervous about my "manhood"
When i was in my late teens I was in a mens steam room and got very aroused when I noticed another man in there with me was also very aroused, I did not go any further. As I got older my wife and I had some marriage problems and I strayed from my vows and had a one night fling with a woman, then as time went on I started to become interested in a male encounter, so for some unknown reason I went on Craigslist and found a nervous, bi man who was married and pursued a texting sort of relationship with this guy acting out a sort of fantasy.
I have since been caught by my wife for both, we have decided to work on our marriage instead of giving up and since has been really good, great in fact.
But I cant help but wonder because of my abuse do I have a tendancy to look for a bisexual fantasy, cause I'm not attracted to men in anyway except in a taboo sexual way and even then it's scary as hell.
Thanks for listening
Read Dr. Kort's response here.
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Hello Sex Doc,
I got one issue to ask you about (hope that I can talk openly);
its about pattern of sexuality that arouses me when I watch some porn sites and masturbate. I go to usual sites that is well known, nothing special, but the kind of videos I search and watch got some features and characteristic that arouses me more, and I think that they aren't quite good. See, I think that everything's got the thing with power, overpowering, blackmailing, extortion, controlling of every second of the moment, position, dammit...
I am a nice and quiet guy, but this is worrying me.
When I search for some porn videos, there are videos where both partners enjoy sex, smiling at each other, make fun of it, simply enjoy doing it, but that is not arousing me. I search for some scenarios where a female is tricked, manipulated or blackmailed into the sex. For example, one video is a bank robbery, a scenario where a few bank robbers take scared female workers and sexually exploit them threatening to them with the gun, so they would do everything they ask them. I'm not interested in physical hurting the female, but... I don't know what is it, some kind of excessive need for control. But then, if it is that, why it has to be through my sexuality?
Of course that this is only my imagination, but I desperately need an explanation for it so I can move further, into pleasuring and fun sexual contacts.
Can you give me some insights?
Thanks a lot in advance
Read Dr. Kort's response here.