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Also online now are Joe's answers for men who have been sexually abused and their partners:
As a survivor, I don't feel I fit in anywhere!
I feel like I don't fit in anywhere! I am a Male survivor of rape, abuse and molestation. It started at age 6 to 14. I don't feel like I can relate sexually to a woman and I don't feel attraction towards other men. I actually feel like sex is a foreign country to me. I've learned to shut out and shut down. My question is: Is it possible to love and be loved even if I feel so damaged? Without going into too much detail, I just feel dead sexually/emotionally/physically, when in reality, it is supposed to be totally human and enjoyable!
Read Dr. Joe's response here.
High Sex Drive or Compulsivity
I am a healthy 49 year old man who was abused from 11 to about 13 years old by an adult man in my community.
I recently (1 month) let my secret out to myself, my family, therapist and pastor. I am married (strained marriage for a few years), father of 2 grown children and have 1 grandchild. Some of my most pressing issues that I discovered relating to my CSA were negative feelings about myself, shame, emotional neediness, a very high sex drive (really obsessive, which I think had to do with my equating sex with love), compulsive masturbation (at least once a day, frequently more)and the feeling of never being able to not be in control or relax. A few weeks ago I experienced what I'm told was a Eureka moment after which I felt a profound sense of relief and weight being lifted of my soul. I realized today that I haven't felt the urge to, and haven't masturbated in almost 3 weeks. I was wondering if it is normal for a change like that to occur so suddenly? Have you ever run into a situation like that before?
Read Dr. Joe's response here.
Partner in recovery
I am a male survivor who has done over 3 years of recovery. Before the therapy, I had many one-night stands and looked at porn often. I have been to two WoR and am now in a stable place with both my sexuality and my addiction.
I am with a steady partner who is just amazing. I have problems connecting with him during sex. When we are having it, I often have to resort to fantasy, or I have very retarded ejaculation (he goes very fast). I am wondering what I can do to make the sex pleasurable, connected, and non-traumatic. Any ideas?
Read Dr. Joe's response here.
Male Sexual Abuse Survivor and Porn
I'm a MSS and I'm gay. I went to therapy for two years and I feel very confident about myself now. However, I started a relationship 4 months ago with a wonderful man: he's super special, he cares about me and he has been very supportive about my past. At the beginning, the sexual chemistry was incredible but lately I have changed. I have always watched gay porn and my sex energy has been always good. For him, this is a huge deal and he was very offended to find out I was watching porn while dating him.
At some point, his sexual energy was too much for me and I felt offended. I felt he was only looking for sex. He want sex at least 3 times each week. I told him I was feeling like a sex toy! I must add, his penis size is bigger than the average so penetration is always painful. Maybe this is why I prefer looking at porn???
I'm confused because I know he is not trying to abuse me but I get mixed feeling about sex with him.
Read Dr. Joe's response here |
