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Kort's Korner Newsletter
"We do not choose to be gay . . . we are chosen".
- Suzanne Westenhoefer, lesbian comic


October, 2009
Dear  ,
 
Happy October. I always joke that October includes the gay high holy day which is Halloween.
 
This month I bring you book titles and articles on the coming out process.

It is a fun time for Coming Out this month as we have many gay DIVA's releasing their CD's such as Barbra Striesand, Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston and Madonna's Greatest Hits.

Also Mattel announced a new celebrity doll BARBRA STREISAND!! As many of you know I have a collection of celebrity dolls such as Diana Ross, Cher, Beyonce and others both at my office and my home and now here is my new one coming in November!!

 


And big news for me as a major Tony Orlando and Dawn Fan from the 1970's is that Joyce Vincent Wilson who comprised one of the members of Dawn is joining the singing group, "The Flos" which are the Former Ladies of the Supremes with Linda Lawrence and Sherrie Payne. Linda and Sherrie joined Diana Ross on the Diana Ross and The Supremes tour in 2000.

Anyway, I am a happy gay man this month and so will you be if you are chosen to come out this month!!!

 

 
IN THIS ISSUE:
Joe Kort is now a Board Certified Sexologist!
Stages of Coming Out
365Gay.com Advice from Joe
Featured Article
Joe Kort is now a Board Certified Sexologist!

Last month I received my certification as a Board Certified Sexologist. As many of you know my practice has been focused on sexual abuse and sexual addiction. I have primarily focused on sexual problems such as sexual addiction and sexual abuse and not much on sexual health and what healthy sexual behavior looks like once a client is in recovery.
 
This past year I have been in training to become a clinical sexologist to provide individuals and couples healthy sexuality for themselves and for their relationships.

Those certified by The American Board of Sexology are known as Diplomates.

ABS is dedicated to taking certification out of the area of subjectivity to a process based on academic achievement, dedication to the discipline as evidenced by scholarship, evidence of competence under supervision and the empirical results of examination. Most Diplomates are clinicians-those practicing in therapy and counseling.

What is Sex Therapy?

Sex Therapy is the application of professional and ethical skills to deal with the problems of sexual function of people. It assumes recognition of the concept that sexuality is of legitimate concern to professionals and that it is the right of individuals to expect expert knowledge when seeking remedies with sexual concerns. Sex Therapists and Clinical Sexologists focus their specialized skills to help individuals and/or couples to deal with their sexual concerns.

Now I add to my work the ability to help people achieve sexual health and satisfaction. Issues I am now able treat to help folks with include:

Erectile Difficulites
Delayed Ejaculation
Premature Ejaculation
Vaginusmus
Male Sexual Health
Female Sexual Health
Female Orgasmic Responses
Male Orgasmic Responses
Sexual and reproductive anatomy and physiology
Gender identity issues-relationships.
Medical aspects of sexuality and sexual functions
Diagnosis of sexual disorders/dysfunctions
Treatment of sexual disorders/dysfunctions
Sex offenders, sexual abuse-diagnosis and treatment
Issues of aging in sexual relationships
Paraphilias
Sexually transmitted diseases and prevention techniques

 
 
Stages of Coming Out

 Vivienne C. Cass's Homosexuality Identity Formation model (Cass, 1979) best reflects the stages I've observed in my clients. According to her, the stages of identity formation are:
 
Stage 1: Identity Confusion
Stage 2: Identity Comparison
Stage 3: Identity Tolerance
Stage 4: Identity Acceptance
Stage 5: Identity Pride
Stage 6: Identity Synthesis
 




 These stages are not necessarily linear or consecutive. Many individuals go from stage 1 to 3 and back to 1, depending on many factors, such as their personality and the circumstances in their lives.

Coming out is a process not an event. To read more about coming out here are some articles:

Stages of Coming Out

Why Clay Aiken's Coming Out Matters

18 Things To Consider Before Coming Out

Recommended Reading:

Books on Coming Out under the heading Books on Gays and Lesbians
 



Article Headline
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Here are two articles of my responses from 365gay.com. I hope you might find them helpful.

How can I reignite the passion in my relationship?

Question: How can I reignite the passion in my relationship? My partner and I have been together 14 years, and I feel like we've become more like roommates rather than partners.  We enjoyed a healthy sex life early in our relationship, but now we rarely have sex.  I find myself thinking about other men and looking at internet porn more and more often.  Is there any hope for us?

Sex Starved Gay Couple, MN

Read my response HERE

 How do I communicate with my partner?

My husband of six years and I just don't communicate well! We have the occasional unpleasant flare-up, but our bigger issue is simmering long-term dissatisfactions. I'd like to blame it all on him, but I know it's a two-way process.
We're both 50ish and have each had previous long-term relationships. He's clearly uncomfortable-in fact, aggressively unwilling-to discuss any substantive relationship issues.  He habitually answers my question with a question-even if I simply ask what he might like to do on any given day.  He interrupts, talking over what I say if he doesn't want to hear it.  He pulls "facts" out of thin air, adamantly refuses to check them, and will put words in my mouth, too!

I'm sure I can be accused of being a know-it-all, but it's hard to avoid growing annoyed when I can't get a straight answer.

We do love each other and value our commitment to each other.  He's great in the crunches, while I'm good at faithful long-term support. But our day-to-day desperately needs improvement, and I suspect our long-term relationship depends on it.  And, no . . .  he's not willing to do relationship counseling, because he doesn't see any problem!
Help.  Please.  And thank you.

-Dissatisfied in Beaverton

Read my response HERE
Upcoming Presentations and Workshops 
 Joe's Calendar of Events

TALKS


Psychotherapy Networker Symposium
March 25-28, 2010

MaleSurvivor's Twelfth International Conference New York 2010
March 18-21, 2010


For more information about these upcoming talks click HERE



WORKSHOPS


Reclaiming the Man in the Mirror
January 22-24, 2010

http://www.joekort.com/workshops/default.htm#stop

Rowe Camp & Conference Center
Go to www.rowecenter.org and click on calendar of events and click on Gay men: Sex, Love & Intimacy to register



About Joe Kort, LMSW
Joe Kort professional photo 2009
Joe Kort, LMSW  provides individual, couples and group PSYCHOTHERAPY. He also provides COACHING over the telephone and skype for those unable to work with him in person. His specialties can be found by clicking HERE.
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