I pulled my hand out of the bag one last time only to realize that I had eaten the entire contents without even tasting one bite. My first thought was, "What can I get my hands on next?" And my next thought was, "What the hell am I doing?"   

This was a place where I lived day in and day out for a couple of decades and I really don't like going back there for periodic visits. I have battled with emotional eating since I was a teenager - maybe longer. I have used food for comfort, security, as a friend, to reward myself, to make me feel better, to punish myself, and to just plain dull my senses.

My relationship with food has been tumultuous over the years. I seriously have had a love-hate relationship to food that was completely unhealthy in so many ways. I can remember days where I would wake up thinking about what I was and wasn't going to eat that day. Then I would mess it up and fight with myself about what to do next. I would then continue to obsess about food for the rest of the day. What a waste of time and energy!

As you can imagine, I've done a lot of work around food, body image, weight issues and the like. My relationship with food is completely different now than it was just 5 short years ago. I no longer turn to hot fudge sundaes for comfort - partly because of a dairy insensitivity and partly because I have created higher standards for myself and the food I put into my body.

I actually get a huge kick out of eating vegetables with breakfast, lunch and dinner. I actually love green smoothies. I actually eat kale, Swiss chard, and Brussels sprouts because I like how they taste. I admit my taste buds have completely changed over the past several years and I couldn't be happier about it. When I crave food, it's usually a big green salad, raw almond butter or some brown rice.

But it wasn't always this way and in fact, sometimes the old patterns of reaching for food when I'm feeling down, angry, overwhelmed, sad, or lonely resurface with a vengeance. My most recent experience, which happened on Mother's Day of all days, took me by surprise. I had to pull out all my tools from my handy dandy toolbox to overcome the hold food had so tightly on me.

I had a tough Mother's Day morning. My daughter would be leaving for college soon and this would be our last Mother's Day together before she left, but she had to work all day. We were both sad knowing that our Mother's Days would never be the same from this point on.  

I dropped so deep into my feelings of loneliness and a longing for things to remain the same that even my sons who were home and willing to spend time with me, just couldn't get me out of it. So, what did I do? I found solace in some of my favorite snack foods and health foods. Granted I wasn't eating Snicker's bars and Cheetos, but I couldn't stop packing in the food.    

The good news is I came to my senses before I had a chance to feel sick to my stomach. I asked myself some questions like, "What the hell am I doing?" "Why am I using food to comfort me?" "Do I really need comforting in the first place?" "Is life really all that terrible?"

As I took stock on my answers to these questions, I began regaining my composure and before I knew it the eating frenzy was over. So, here are the steps I took to get there. First, I acknowledged in the moment that I was binge eating. Next, I sat with the feelings I was experiencing and allowed myself to fully feel them without judgment. Then, I asked myself a series of questions like the ones I mentioned in the paragraph above.

I took it from there to another place...a place of gratitude. I took a deep breath in and out and asked myself what I have to be grateful for and before I knew it I had quickly listed about a dozen things that were and are beautiful about my life. Funny thing is none of those things had anything to do with food.

The binge was over. I was in my right frame of mind again and I forgave myself for being human. Fortunately, I've learned to catch myself early on in the process rather than days into it, but it has taken a lot of practice to get here. I am proud of myself for the work I've done to overcome my sugar and food addictions. And I am so grateful to be able to share my knowledge and expertise with other women who struggle just like I have.

I once thought that I would never be able to live in a body I love. I was wrong. I am not perfect, but I am perfectly content knowing that I treat my body with respect and love every day. I forgive myself for slipping up and give myself permission to use each mistake as a learning experience. Are you ready to do the same?

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