New Mattress - Our mom needed a new mattress for her antique bed, so my brother, Josh, and I decided to buy her one as a gift. The problem was we weren't sure what to get, because it was an odd size. Fortunately, my brother happened to be visiting my mother one day when I called home. "Measure the bed frame before you leave," I told him.
"I don't have a tape measure." He said.
"You can use a dollar bill," I suggested, "each one is six inches long."
"Can't," he replied after digging through his wallet, "I
only have a ten."
Boss - This man was talking to a group of men at the office and he said, "In my house I am the boss, I say when the laundry is done, when the cooking is done and when the dishes are washed."
One of the guys at the table said, "How long have you been married?"
The man says, "Oh, I'm not married!"
Elijah and the Steer - The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces and laid it upon the altar.
And then Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times.
"Now, said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"
A little girl in the back of the room raised her hand
with great enthusiasm. "To make the gravy," came her enthusiastic reply.
Knees - Our kindergarten class went to the fire station for a tour and some instruction in fire safety. The fireman was explaining what to do in case of a fire. He said, "First, go to the door and feel the door to see if it's hot." Then he said, "Fall to your knees. Does anyone know why you ought to fall to our knees?"
One of the little tykes said, "Sure, to start praying
to ask God to get us out of this mess!"
Prayers of Praise and Thanksgiving: 
