Twelve is the maximum number of people about whom you can care deeply at any one time, according to journalist Malcolm Gladwell writing in The Tipping Point (Back Bay Books, 2002.)

The idea that we have a "channel capacity" when it comes to relationships - a natural limitation to the number of relationships we can process and maintain at a time - is not new. Jesus invested in the lives of the 12 disciples. When He really wanted to share deeply, He got together with just three: Peter, James, and John.

Intimate versus "just social"

Ministry doesn't happen without authentic relationships. But relationships take time and energy to build.

It can be tempting to buy into the current Facebook mentality that says you can have 2,156 close friends who follow your every movement on social media. Yet as you increase the number of genuine relationships you maintain, you increase the time you must invest to build and maintain them - and time is limited. Human beings are wired to for 10-15 intimate relationships, although we can maintain genuine social relationships with up to 150 people. Beyond that, people become strangers to one another.

Your 12 may change during life's seasons. Some consume energy. Others generate energy. All are messy and take time.

Who's in your 12?

Effective leaders understand their natural limitations when it comes to the number of healthy, deep, significant relationships they can maintain. The point is intentionality. With whom does God want you to grow close? You can't be everyone's best friend.

During Jesus' ministry on earth, he interacted socially with large groups numbering in the hundreds. He cultivated deeper relationships with 12 people. What about you?

People have the capacity to care deeply about 12 people at any one time.

Jesus replied, "Have I not chosen you, the Twelve?" (John 6:70)