"Relaxing Makes Me Nervous"
We all want relaxation and peace, but the fact is we can't stand it! Stillness and silence, which are the means of finding inner peace, are often far too scary. The thought of not talking, sitting still, and listening to the silence feels unnerving and seems purposeless to many.
Our craving for peace and relaxation is evident in the many spas and yoga centers springing up everywhere. But the peace and relaxation we seek can only be found within the stillness of our own minds. Without that stillness, our lives remain infected with a chronic busyness that keeps us going, doing and running. This speed and activity deafens us to the call of our soul and sadly we have mistaken this restlessness as the need for materiality rather than the need for spirituality.
This desperate pursuit is masking a fear of emptiness and loneliness. So we keep on moving further away from ourselves. It's as if we start living next door to who we really are.
It's true at first, when we tune into ourselves, we may encounter the grief and ache of our hearts that have been used, bruised or broken. Yet if we develop a simple practice of turning within and being still, we can find 'the kingdom of heaven within us'. Peace is not found in fancy holidays, home security alarms or credit cards as is advertised. It's inside us, ironically the last place we tend to look.
So why do we keep running like this? Because we feel terrified of letting go of our busyness. Our accomplishments and productivity have become synonymous with our worth in today's world. In our desperate race to be accepted for what we 'do' rather than who we 'are', we believe the more we get done, the more we accomplish the more we'll be loved. Even our 'workalism' is regarded as a 'respectable and glorified addiction'. But the true impetus for all this feverish striving is actually the impatient call of our soul. It is our yearning to find peace, relaxation and quietness so that we may experience the true nature of our being. Mahatma Gandhi said "Our life is a long arduous quest after Truth".
So if we yearn for it why don't we go for it? The simple answer is habit. Many of us who grew up in unpredictable families developed a kind of hypervigilance, a need to always be "on" and be on the lookout for the next crisis, drama or disappointment to manage. We may have learned to associate silence and quietness at home with a crisis brewing, or the punishment of the silent treatment.
Because we felt overwhelmed and scared by the chaos and the unpredictability we learned to hide, run, or move faster by getting involved in constant activities. The faster we moved, the less we would be noticed, and the safer we felt. Today, this habit persists.
In my therapy work I like to direct people within, to help them have an experience of themselves from the inside, a chance to contact their own wisdom and intuition. For many this is very difficult at first. Instead they want to explain, dissect or analyze. But just watching and being mindful in stillness is the first step towards finding the answers they need and connecting with the possibility of relaxation and inner peace. Mother Theresa said: "In the silence of the heart God speaks".
It doesn't matter how much you change your life on the outside, you must slow down on the inside. You can live a full life, even a busy life and still be relaxed if inside you maintain calmness.
Stillness and silence should serve as the scaffolding of our lives. If we want to hear the voices of our souls and our guiding intuition so they can help us find our way, we must be still. The bottom line is; there's nothing to do, nowhere to go but to be closer to ourselves.
In the end we need to have a balance between activity and stillness, the call of materialism and the call of spirituality.
Here are two suggestions to find peace and relaxation.
2. Experiment with spending half a day (or a full day) completely alone in silence. Take time to walk, eat, wash, rest and relax in silence. Do everything slowly and mindfully with the goal of having your full, undivided attention in the moment, on everything within and around you. Turn off your phone, radio, TV, internet and music. Arrange ahead of time not to be available to talk to anyone.
Be silent and listen within.
