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A Note From the Founder:
Falling in love is such a wonderful time. It means meeting that amazingly special person and dreaming about what your life together will be like.
We build such wonderful hopes and dreams of how it will be. We always develop fantasies about what life will be like, and can become hurt and disillusioned about those that don't happen.
This month's issue includes an article about those very fantasies that are unique to stepfamily life. Take some time to read them with your partner so you can both understand those fantasies you are struggling with. While they might not materialize how you expected them to, when they are identified and moved out of the way, stepfamily life can be very rewarding.
So sit down together, discover if there are any unrealistic fantasies your partner is having and begin to talk about them. It can build more intimacy between the two of you when you can talk about expectations, laugh about fantasies you thought would work, and find solutions that are workable.
Warmly,
Susan Davis Swanson
Founder/Executive Director |
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StepFamily Life Newsletter
February 2009 |
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The StepFamily Center proudly presents:
S.O.S. for StepCouples:
A 5-part series to help couples in stepfamilies!
If you're in a stepfamily, then you know things probably aren't going the way you imagined. They rarely do. S.O.S. for StepCouples is designed to provide help and useful tips for success to couples struggling through stepfamily dynamics.
Enroll now for the March class!
Also available is a StepMom's Support Group. Space in both is limited.
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The 5 Fantasies of StepFamily Life
You've pictured it since you met your new partner: the marriage, the children, a cozy home together. You never thought of all the things that could disrupt this idyllic picture: the chance that your stepchildren won't like you, the ex that will not seem to disappear, and the challenges of parenting a stepchild. Entering into a stepfamily often means entering into many unrealistic fantasies. Click here for the five common fantasies people have that often create disappointment in a stepfamily, as well as tips on how to create realistic expectations. |
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February's Tip of the Month
Make this a month that you and your partner get together and revisit why you fell in love with one another. Make special time when you don't talk about the kids, the exes or any of the problems associated with family life. Just focus on the two of you and reminisce on how you met, why you fell in love with each other, and what you respect and love about your partner. Laugh, make love and enjoy who you are as a couple. Start this tradition on Valentine's Day, then make a date for this every week, or at least twice a month. Being in a stepfamily is challenging, but when we keep the love alive with our partner we can remind ourselves why we are here. Remembering why we fell in love with our partner in the first place helps put many of the challenges into perspective. |
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StepFamilies in Film: Last Chance Harvey
Last Chance Harvey shows divorced parents coming together for the wedding of their daughter. Harvey (Dustin Hoffman) is a self focused and disconnected father who shows up for the wedding weekend only to find out he's been replaced in his daughter's life by her stepfather. The stepfather had obviously been there when Harvey was not, but Harvey was so disconnected that he was caught by surprise. Initially, Harvey is once again hurt and disappoints his daughter. But something happens before the wedding reception that allows Harvey to gain insight into his daughter's struggles. When he gets up to make a toast, it's easy to cringe wondering what he might say, but he instead acknowledges his daughter's development into the lovely young woman before him. It was beautiful to watch his daughter's face as she got something she had been needing from her father for a long time -- attention, consideration, love and acknowledgement. Last Chance Harvey, keep it up! |
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What is a StepFamily?
A StepFamily is a family of two adults, at least one of whom has a child by a prior relationship. More than 50% of Americans will live in a StepFamily at some point in their lives, and StepFamilies outnumber nuclear families in the United States! Find out more by visiting us at www.stepfamilycenter.com. | |
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