Reprinted with permission by
Michael Gros
Originally appeared in
Jewish Press 12/23/11
Searching For Truth~In all the wrong places
by: MIchael Gros

In our previous column we wrote about the mutual journey of Mandi Biles and Andy Griffin, who navigated through Christianity until finally finding Orthodox Judaism and each other. For Mandi, who was born Jewish but became enmeshed in Messianic Judaism at a young age, her journey back to Judaism was filled with the most raw of emotions. Hers is a story of lies versus truth, of families torn apart and a Jew finding the courage to overturn all of her beliefs and identity.

 right wrong sign

Mandi grew up in northern Georgia. Her Jewish mother and Christian father decided not to follow any single religion in their home. However one day Mandi asked why her family didn't attend church and Sunday School like the other children in her school. The question motivated her parents to search for a religion for their family.

 

Mandi's parents visited a local congregation belonging to the Messianic Jewish movement, which purports to combine elements of Christianity and Judaism (though is really geared to converting Jews to Christianity). Mandi's parents felt very comfortable in the congregation. The family joined and became passionate adherents.

 

As a teenager, Mandi frequently attended Messianic youth group conferences. At one she met Andy, who was Christian but tried to follow many Jewish practices. Mandi and Andy fell in love. They remained committed adherents of Messianic Judaism, but he taught her some of the Jewish rituals he followed. He also introduced her to the Orthodox Jewish community in Atlanta and Congregation Beth Jacob he had visited on a few occasions.

 

The two went to Atlanta once for Shabbat. The experience was the exact opposite of what Mandi expected.

 

"I just remember looking around [in synagogue] and thinking it was very beautiful. I remember crying. Experiencing a real Kabbalat Shabbat service - it was very beautiful," Mandi said. "I remember thinking I must have been lied to because I was told that Judaism is a dry, dead religion, and here it wasn't."

 

That Shabbat Mandi was filled with a range of emotions. On one side she loved the experience and everything she saw and heard. On the other side she was intimidated.

 

"[During dinner] I thought, 'What am I getting myself involved in?' I remember the meal going on and on forever. I think it went till midnight."

 

After dinner Andy walked Mandi back to her car, and she told him she was not coming back for lunch the next day.

 

Mandi did not return for Shabbat lunch, but returned several weeks later to attend the annual community-wide Purim parade and carnival at Congregation Beth Jacob. At the event she met a man named Rick Halpern who runs an anti-missionary organization. Rick showed her a book he had written called Choose Life, which refutes Christian claims about Judaism and the Messiah.

 

"I knew I needed a copy of that. I thought I would go through it and refute their claims on Christianity, that I'd use it to bring more Jews to Chrisianity.

 

"I brought it home but I soon saw I couldn't deal with what it said, so I put it on a shelf in a box."

 

Sometime later her curiosity got the best of her and she took the book down from the shelf. One by one, the book described the falsehoods of Messianic Judaism and Christianity. She began seeing how all of Messianic Judaism's teachings contradicted true Judaism. Mandi began reading anti-missionary websites from Rabbi Tovia Singer and other materials and spent several more Shabbatot in the Atlanta community. Her initial goal was not to break with the Messianic movement but she needed explanations for the contradictions she was seeing.

 

Mandi's parents had separated several years earlier and at the time Mandi was living with a friend's family. Her friend's father ran a Messianic Bible study group at Mandi's congregation and Mandi began asking her questions to him. He responded with more fabrications and inconsistent statements. Every question that Mandi asked was returned with an angry comment. One day the leader threw down his Bible and ran out of the room. The group's leaders were concerned about the influence Mandi would have on the other members and eventually asked her to leave.

 

Mandi contacted Orthodox Rabbis involved in anti-missionary work and pounded them with questions. She asked the same questions to Messianic leaders. Where the rabbis were eager to speak with her, she received anger and insults from the Christian teachers.

 

"I saw the Messianic people didn't want me to ask questions, but the Rabbis didn't mind. That was a big eye opener. Something was being hidden from me," Mandi said. "If we believe in something as 100% truth, absolute truth, it should be able to stand up to any questions. I didn't see any problem asking questions, but the Messianics didn't want me to."

 

From there, her beliefs quickly unraveled. She continued to ask questions, and was soon kicked out of the home where she had been staying. She was still torn between two worlds - she recognized the truth but couldn't pull herself out of the only world she had ever known.

 

"The last time I went [to the Messianic church] was for Sukkot. They were singing all these songs about Jesus. I couldn't stand it. I knew it was my neshama feeling uncomfortable. In the middle of the service I grabbed my purse and ran out."

 

Several years earlier Mandi's mother had stopped attending the Messianic congregation and no longer believed in its teachings, so Mandi moved in with her. Mandi's mother was very supportive of her journey towards Judaism and the two grew closer. Mandi's sister is still a Messianic Jew and refused to speak to Mandi for several years afterwards, though they have since restored relations. Mandi's best friend of many years continues to refuse to speak to her. Mandi heard afterwards that she was denounced from the Bima of her Messianic congregation.

 

After moving back home, Mandi also began spending Shabbat in the Beth Jacob community. Mandi soon committed herself to following Orthodox Judaism. After years of separation she met Andy again. He had already converted to Judaism and they got married.

 

For the two of them, after years of living lives based on falsehoods and deception, settling into an Orthodox lifestyle with authentic beliefs has been welcoming. After years of searching for the truth, they know Torah-true Judaism is the one belief system that can stand up to all of the questions thrown at it.

 

 
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