"My Lord God I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so." (Thomas Merton)

Four times, Thomas Merton expresses doubt and confusion about the future and his understanding of himself. "I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead. I cannot know for certain. Nor do I really know myself." Then he writes: "Just because I think I am following your will doesn't mean that I am actually doing so."

More than admitting an occasional mistake or lapse of judgment; Thomas Merton is possibly asking the deepest question imaginable for a follower of God. "Lord, am I doing what you put me on this earth to do?"

Merton continues: "But I believe that my desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it."

There is the key. "A desire to please you." The desire to know God, please God and serve God. I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I never do anything apart from that desire. If my desire to please you remains strong then I will please you. So, I pray for a continued desire to please God. Never let me lose that desire. Never let me give up.

"And I know that if I do this, You will lead me." Where is God in the midst of all your struggles? God will lead you. This is the reassurance of faith that calms our fears, satisfies our deepest longings and nourishes our very soul. "And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it."

Merton writes: "Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."

Therefore... summing up everything, despite all my doubts and fears, despite my muddled plans... I will trust you always. Therefore... I will not fear for you are ever with me. Finally, I know that even in the midst of my fiercest storms, you will never leave to face them alone.

Are you wondering whether you are doing what God wants you to do? Are you questioning whether you are in fact the person God has called you to be?

"My Lord God I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so."

(I do not know if I am on the right path. Help me!)

 "But I believe that my desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope that I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it."

(Help me maintain my desire to please you.)

"Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."

(I trust you. I will not fear. You will never leave me to face my perils alone.)

Amen.