Every Woman

Is The Queen of Her Own Heart

Every woman is the Queen of her own heart.

She must decide how to govern her own domain.

She seeks friends and allies that honor

who she is now

and who she is becoming.

She has the power to create miracles.

Her prayers and intentions manifest in right order.

She does not know how

or when her needs will be met,

but she trusts the will of the Divine.

Being the Queen of one's domain is not about being

the ruler over anyone else's life or ideas.

And it isn't even about calling herself a Queen.

It is about self honor. It is about choice.

It is about knowing her limits

and setting her boundaries.

And about encouraging others

to live their possibilities.

It is about learning how to live

with what comes her way,

with as much grace,

majesty and justice as she can.

And sometimes, yes, she has to have her own way!

She claims her unique destiny and recognizes

she has a calling.

A calling to greatness within her own life.

And within her own heart.

The Queen of Her Own Heart isn't something she does,

it is a way that she is.

When she if full, bountiful

and living from the overflow

she invites others to join her there -

in the middle of her awakened sacred heart.

She encourages others to love powerfully - unconditionally -

while at the same time practicing discernment

and wisdom.

She is forgiving. And she believes healing is at hand.

She leads her own life as grand experiment

in happiness, in creativity, and in abundance.

She offers her gifts to others,

but not to her own detriment.

She rests as she needs to,

ruling one's own life takes energy.

She chooses to embody wholeness, her sovereign essence,

even when she feels fragmented

by all there is to do, and be.

She holds the prayers of the world within her

because she cares what happens - with everyone -

even though she cannot reach them all.

She reaches whom she can.

She often feels like she is not pulling it all off,

and sometimes she isn't.

But she keeps reaching anyway.

She keeps opening her heart

and being in her own power.

She chooses to govern her life in gratitude.

- Shiloh Sophia McCloud, CA 

"Men walk, women talk." The veracity of this the popular saying was recently proved in a landmark study conducted by two women scientists at UCLA.

The long-held idea that the familiar "fight or flight" mechanism was the universal human response to stress, (based on studies that were conducted with only male subjects), was turned on its ear by Drs. Laura Klein and Shelley Taylor. Their research suggests that women don't necessarily run away or engage is confrontational combat when they are threatened. According to their stunning findings, women seem to operate from a larger range of behavioral options.

"Until this study was published, scientists generally believed that when people experience stress, they trigger a hormonal cascade that revs the body to either stand and fight or flee as fast as possible," explains Laura Cousino Klein, Ph.D., now an Assistant Professor of Biobehavioral Health at Penn State University and one of the study's authors. "It's an ancient survival mechanism left over from the time we were chased across the planet by saber-toothed tigers."

But women react completely differently. In stressful situations, women experience a cascade of brain chemicals that cause us to make and maintain friendships with other women. Specifically, the hormone oxytocin, released as part of the stress response in women, lessens the fight or flight response and prompts us to tend children, old people, and animals, and gather together with other women and stand our ground instead. This is a circling of the wagons response.

And once women do engage in this tending or befriending, studies suggest, more oxytocin is released, which further counteracts stress and produces a comforting effect. "This calming response does not occur in men," says Dr. Klein, "because testosterone - which men produce in high levels when they're under stress - seems to reduce the effects of oxytocin. Estrogen seems to enhance it."

What do you do when you are worried, or threatened, stressed to the max, or scared shitless? You call your girlfriend! Consider the enormous significance of this behavior and the ramifications of its effect on our health and well-being. Study after study, years of research, has found that social ties reduce our risk of disease by lowering blood pressure, heart rate, and cholesterol. "There's no doubt," says Dr. Klein, "that friends are helping us live longer."

Friendships not only keep us alive, they enhance our quality of life. The famed Nurses' Health Study from Harvard Medical School found that the more friends women had, the less likely they were to develop serious physical impairments as they aged, and the more likely they were to be leading joyful lives. The results were so significant that the researchers concluded that not having close friends or confidantes was as detrimental to your health as smoking or carrying extra weight!

Even the event of the death of a spouse, perhaps the most intense stress inducer, failed to result in any new physical impairments or permanent loss of vitality in women who had a close friend with whom to confide and commiserate. Those without friends did not fare nearly so well.

There is a web of women living lightly in the world.

As gently as hand upon forehead, checking for fever,

the web touches the pulse of the planet

with intention

to help

to heal

to comfort.

There is a flood of women weeping softly for the world.

As tender as hand upon heart, cherishing her precious children,

the web cries for lost intention

to heal

to comfort

to help.

There is a circle of women dancing joyfully through the world.

As exultant as hand touching yoni, celebrating our mysteries,

the web sings for intention found again

to comfort

to help

to heal.

There is a web of women tenderly enclosing the world.

As sturdy as hands setting roots, knowing that we all are kin,

the web encircles intention held

to help

to heal

to comfort.  

- Barbara Ardinger, CA  

The Queen's Court is a gathering of sovereign women of a certain age - our dear peers - who graciously offer information, guidance, inspiration and encouragement to each other.

We Queens know what we know. And we know a great deal. Our experience has made us wise. So, feel free to consult with our cyber council/counsel when you are need of sage advice or wish to explore a particular topic of interest. 

The last issue on Mothering, featured a question from a sister Queen asking how she could find the mother in herself without having had a positive and nurturing relationship with the women in her family.

Here again is the question and two spectacular responses from our Queen readers:

A.  A thought or several to Queen Julie and her request for info re: the negative mother. As I approached the magical age of 50, I began to take mini-retreats once a month at a lovely facility in Central NJ.  Sadly, it is no longer there. It was called the Cenacle. I am not Catholic, but found the Catholic Sisters of the Cenacle to be so welcoming and wise. 

During those retreats I spent quiet time listening for the deep voice I knew was within me. It was a voice of wisdom that led me to do these retreats, so I knew it would have something to say to me during these quiet times. 

So much came out of those little gifts of sacred time that I gave myself. I am sure that my leaning toward the concept of the Divine Feminine Mother was nurtured and developed then. I was not strongly aware of it then, but now, more than 10 years later, I am almost certain.

In the last several years I have had many mystical and wonderful encounters with the Divine Feminine manifestation of La Guadalupe, La Nuestra Senora, La Morenita, etc. It has been most amazing! Her presence in my life has become a mothering presence. The Guadalupe Presence is now, for me a very strong symbol of the mothering concept.

Many years ago when I was traveling in Brazil, I went to a wonderful Candomble House (terreiro) that was led by a powerful Mae da Santo -the primary governing spiritual force, priestess, etc.  She introduced me to the concept of Yemanja (Imanja), a Yoruba ocean ruling manifestation of the Divine Feminine Force. I was unfamiliar with the faith tradition, but have since studied much with many other incredible women who serve as leaders in Candomble, Santoria, and other Yoruba religious traditions. 

The mother of all the other gods in this tradition is Yemanja. She became for me, before Guadalupe, a most important mother energy in my life. And to round off the triumvirate who grace my little altar is Kwan Yin, the Chinese Compassionate One. She too has shared with me the much needed spirit of the Great Mother of the universe energy as I continue to seek and sit with the Divine Feminine.

Each of these manifestations has taught me that I am not alone, I am loved, and I am mothered from the best source of mothering - that which is AllMother, PrimeMother, UniversalMother, ForeverMother. I have been blessed. I hope some of this helps Queen Julie and any of the other readers.

Regal-iciously,

- QueenDelight, NJ

A.  On the Mothering question that was posed to you, I really loved your answer. I was fortunate enough to have parents who were united in their raising of me and my siblings, and although their roles were defined they both shared in the nurturing bond of family values. But through the years there have been a dramatic breakdown of the family unit. Material things replaced love in many instances, and electronics replaced communication between us humans even more. It's not a wonder that the family unit as we knew it became a thing of the past. The isolation of this phenomenon within the family structure has indeed severed ties and brought about a dysfunctionalism that leaves some of us still searching for that motherly presence.

Yet life places in front of us that which we need. It is a most incredible discovery when you realize this. For the mother in all of us, it is also something that the universe gives to each and every feminine creature on this planet. I discovered it when I went through mynopause. When I took back the blood of creative lifeforce, and kept it for myself. The journey to do so was hard and intense and sometimes frightening, but what emerged was someone who had an epiphany of self-discovery. Through this grand event I found many things flowing out of me that were pure bliss.

The essence of who I was became realized. I felt more feminine than ever before, and although I could not give life, I could certainly nurture life. Everything about the natural world became sacred. I felt deeply connected to Mother Earth, and how much more motherly can you be than to be the mother of this earth?

From that point forward my inner journeys brought me even closer to the Great Mothers who have come before us, the Divine Goddesses whom we can honor and serve. I am humbled to know their history of suffering and perseverance yet they harbor great love and nurture without hesitation that which holds the seed of life.

Once we release our doubts and worries and embrace ourselves for who we are, we will find ourselves listening, sharing tears of joy and sorrow, embracing with healing hugs, and loving with passion and compassion. I am certain of this - you are already a mother by right of your gender. It is part of us from ancient times through our ancestry. We inherit our mother's mother's mother's mother's mother's traits, and with that the innate ability to mother. So be comforted, Queen! And rest well knowing yourare your own mother after all.

Warm blessings,

- Charlene, NY

I would love to continue this thread of discussion. Please send your thoughts, opinions, and personal experiences in response to Queen Julie's query or the answers by the Queens.

I read and walked for miles at night along the beach, writing bad blank verse and searching endlessly for someone wonderful who would step out of the darkness and change my life. It never crossed my mind that that person could be me.

- Anna Quindlen

Thanks so much for taking the time to respond to The Queen's Chronicles. 

Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.

- Marie Curie

Robin Bady, NY; Alessandra Belloni, NJ; Lynn Book, NC; Marcy Gordon, NY; Simone Forti, CA; Marcy Gordon, NY; Barbara Hammer, NY; Suzanne Lacy, CA; Yoko Ono, NY; Elaine Silver, FL; and Diane Torr, Scotland; on their performances and/or performances of their work.

Rita Cannata, NY, Thoughts, Feelings & Manifestation: Awakened Through The Stillness (Book); Miriam Sharon, Israel, Miriam Sharon: A Book Retrospective 2012 (Book); and Teresa Schreiber Werth, NY, Pink on Pink: Writing My Way Through Breast Cancer (Book); on their new publications.

Judith Bernstein, NY; Emma Amos, NY; Janet Goldner, NY; Micki Watanabe Spiller, NY; Joyce Cutler-Shaw, CA; Robin Tewes, NY; and Linda Vallejo, CA; on the exhibitions of their artwork.

Kristin Allocco-Fields, NY on her new home.

It takes a lot of time to be a genius. You have to sit around so much doing nothing, really doing nothing.

- Gertrude Stein

Send your good news, achievements, accomplishments, successes and celebrations so that our international circle of sovereign sisters can send you blessings and accolades. 

 I'm praying for women I've never met.

As I lay down and close my eyes, names tumble into my        consciousness

Like cottonwood seeds, descending from a quiet, summer sky.

Each day I'm touched as the tangled threads of our lives entwine.

A daughter of a friend, a mother, a neighbor's sister, cousin,

co-worker.

One by one, they take their place in my nightly prayers:

Theo, whose tumor they hope to shrink. Lisa, who's traded chemo for morphine.

Maureen and Suzanne, strangers all, but sisters of a stranger sort.

We've never met, but we have met the enemy

And it's not us.

We've cried and cursed, wailed and shaken angry fists at a rotten fate,

at a physical failing, a cause unknown.

We've hoped and prayed, trusted, queried,

Asked, begged and believed

Until there are

no more words,

Only the slish of oars skimming the water,

Softly whispering, "Hope, hope, hope..."

- Teresa Schreiber Werth, NY