She Is Everywhere! Volume 3
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|Donna Henes is an internationally renowned urban shaman, award-winning author, popular speaker and workshop leader whose joyful celebrations of celestial events have introduced ancient traditional rituals and contemporary ceremonies to millions of people in more than 100 cities since 1972. She has published four books and currently writes for the Huffington Post, Beliefnet and UPI (United Press International) Religion and Spirituality Forum, and serves as ritual consultant to the motion picture industry. Mama Donna, as she is affectionately called, maintains a ceremonial center, spirit shop, ritual practice and consultancy in Exotic Brooklyn, NY where she offers intuitive tarot readings and spiritual counseling and works with individuals, groups, institutions, municipalities and corporations to create meaningful ceremonies for every imaginable occasion.
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Ever since I first introduced The Queen as a helpful archetype for midlife women, I have received hundreds of requests for detailed instructions on how to become a Queen.
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The reality is that I cannot possibly know how anyone else will attain her Queendom, I only know how I came into mine, and that is largely through hindsight. The truth, my truth, at least, is that there is no one true truth. We must each find our own way in this world.
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When you come to me for help and spiritual guidance, I listen to your concerns and embrace your needs. I pat you on the back, give you a good, swift kick in the butt, or let you cry on my shoulder, as needed. I can tell you what I did in such and such situation, how I did it, what I learned from this or that lesson, but I cannot tell you what you should do. How do I know what your soul needs?
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Midlife Crisis into
Your Crowning Achievement!
I am mad. No, that doesn't begin to describe it. I am pissed. I am angry. I am irate. I am incensed. I am enraged. I am livid. I am FURIOUS.
"All men are created equal," states the Declaration of Independence. From the very beginning, women were denied equality in the this country. It has taken over two centuries for women to win the right to vote, to have alleged protection under the law, to earn 77 cents on the dollar that men are paid, and to gain control over our own bodies and destinies.
And now, nearly 250 years later, we are seeing our rights being stripped away, one by one, by mean sprited misogynistic right wing religious super- conservatives.
Several new state laws dictate that before a woman can get an abortion, she must (without her consent) be subjected to an internal sonogram by means of shoving an apparatus into her vagina and up to her uterus. I don't know about you, but I call this RAPE. Legislated, officially sanctioned rape.
Rationalizing his state-sponsored bill mandating vaginal probes, Virginia Republican Delegate Todd Gilbert declared that a women already consented to being "vaginally penetrated when they got pregnant."
A parallel rule would be that if a man wants a prescription for Viagra, he must undergo an anal probe or an electric shock to his penis to see whether he really can't get it up. As if this would ever in a million years happen.
The latest outrage is a Colorado bill working its way through the state legislature that would allow an employer to fire a woman if she uses contraceptives. That is, unless she can document that she takes them for health reasons and not for birth control.
While Virginia is pushing legal personhood recognition for an unfertilized egg, women, the creators and bearers of eggs are being denied our personhood. This is really scary, like something out of Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale.
In a review, Kathleen A. Cameron describes the book as "a vision of a fictional theocratic regime that reduces the value of women to reproductive commodities. This depiction is a disturbingly accurate account of the status of women in the Middle East and other parts of the world, [but worse,] in many ways it reflects political, legal, and cultural doctrines, ideologies, and practices [right here] in the U.S."
All this talk by the Christian Taliban about going to war with Iran is such a complete farce. Why not just make the American War on Women official and join Iran in Holy Sharia Brotherhood?
When Congress recently held hearings on birth control, the panel of invited experts giving testimony consisted of five male religious leaders.
To her credit, Representative Carolyn Maloney (D-NY) loudly demanded, "Where are the women?" before she and several other democrats stormed out of the hearings. This, I believe was a total mistake. Better they should have stayed and created a rumpus.
The one proposed woman witness in favor of subsidized birth control, a third year law student at Georgetown University, a Catholic school, was ruled to be "not appropriate and qualified." by GOP Chairman Darrell Issa who defended the exclusion of a woman from his all-male panel on contraception.
But the outrage didn't stop there. Rush Limbaugh then excoriated her on national radio:
"What does it say about the college co-ed [Sandra] Fluke who goes before a congressional committee and essentially says that she must be paid to have sex? What does that make her? It makes her a slut, right? It makes her a prostitute. [. . .] If we are going to pay for your contraceptives, and thus pay for you to have sex, we want something for it. We want you to post the videos online so we can all watch."
And while Congress keeps trying to defund contraception, Representative Dan Burton (R-IN) has proposed a bill to provide contraception for wild horses. (You can't make this stuff up.)
In South Dakota, Republicans proposed a bill that could make it legal to murder a doctor who provides abortion care. (Yep, for real.)
Can this war against women get any worse? Oh, yes! Maryland Republicans ended all county money for a low-income kids' preschool program. Why? No need, they said. Women should really be home with the kids, not out working. low-income kids' preschool program. Why? No need, they said. Women should really be home with the kids, not out working.
Wisconsin just passed a law to repeal the Equal Pay Enforcement Act for women. The shocker? The bill to repeal was authored and sponsored by a woman: Rep. Michelle Litjens, (R-Oshkosh).
Another female turncoat collaborator with the enemy of women is journalist Liz Trotta, who, in a Fox News report on sexual abuse of women serving in the military, asked "Well, what did they expect?"
That same old outrage of blaming rape on the victim. Unlike short skirts and revealing blouses, combat fatigues are hardly alluring. So according to her, the mere fact of having breasts is invitation and excuse enough for molestation. Maybe we should bind our breasts. And our feet, too.
A state legislator in Georgia wants to change the legal term for victims of rape, stalking, and domestic violence to "accuser." But victims of other less gendered crimes, like burglary, would remain "victims."
Are you angry enough yet? You've heard the saying, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." Well, ladies, it is time for some serious fury! Protest the war on women.
The Queen proclaims, "OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!"
(The little ones they think with.)
With blessings of righteous indignation and well placed fury,
Half the population of this country are women, and we will not be sent back to the Dark Ages, and we will not be denied our rights.
- Carolyn Maloney
By Eve Ensler
I am over rape.
I am over rape culture, rape mentality, rape pages on Facebook.
I am over the thousands of people who signed those pages with their real names without shame.
I am over people demanding their right to rape pages, and calling it freedom of speech or justifying it as a joke.
I am over people not understanding that rape is not a joke and I am over being told I don't have a sense of humor, and women don't have a sense of humor, when most women I know (and I know a lot) are really fucking funny. We just don't think that uninvited penises up our anus, or our vagina is a laugh riot.
I am over how long it seems to take anyone to ever respond to rape.
I am over Facebook taking weeks to take down rape pages.
I am over the hundreds of thousands of women in Congo still waiting for the rapes to end and the rapists to be held accountable.
I am over the thousands of women in Bosnia, Burma, Pakistan, South Africa, Guatemala, Sierra Leone, Haiti, Afghanistan, Libya, you name a place, still waiting for justice.
I am over rape happening in broad daylight.
I am over the 207 clinics in Ecuador supported by the government that are capturing, raping, and torturing lesbians to make them straight.
I am over one in three women in the U.S military (Happy Veterans Day!) getting raped by their so-called "comrades."
I am over the forces that deny women who have been raped the right to have an abortion.
I am over the fact that after four women came forward with allegations that Herman Cain groped them and grabbed them and humiliated them, he is still running for the President of the United States.
And I'm over CNBC debate host Maria Bartiromo getting booed when she asked him about it. She was booed, not Herman Cain.
Which reminds me, I am so over the students at Penn State who protested the justice system instead of the alleged rapist pedophile of at least 8 boys, or his boss Joe Paterno, who did nothing to protect those children after knowing what was happening to them.
I am over rape victims becoming re-raped when they go public.
I am over starving Somalian women being raped at the Dadaab refugee camp in Kenya, and I am over women getting raped at Occupy Wall Street and being quiet about it because they were protecting a movement which is fighting to end the pillaging and raping of the economy and the earth, as if the rape of their bodies was something separate.
I am over women still being silent about rape, because they are made to believe it's their fault or they did something to make it happen.
I am over violence against women not being a #1 international priority when one out of three women will be raped or beaten in her lifetime -- the destruction and muting and undermining of women is the destruction of life itself.
No women, no future, duh.
I am over this rape culture where the privileged with political and physical and economic might, take what and who they want, when they want it, as much as they want, any time they want it.
I am over the endless resurrection of the careers of rapists and sexual exploiters -- film directors, world leaders, corporate executives, movie stars, athletes -- while the lives of the women they violated are permanently destroyed, often forcing them to live in social and emotional exile.
I am over the passivity of good men. Where the hell are you?
You live with us, make love with us, father us, befriend us, brother us, get nurtured and mothered and eternally supported by us, so why aren't you standing with us? Why aren't you driven to the point of madness and action by the rape and humiliation of us?
I am over years and years of being over rape.
And thinking about rape every day of my life since I was 5-years-old.
And getting sick from rape, and depressed from rape, and enraged by rape.
And reading my insanely crowded inbox of rape horror stories every hour of every single day.
I am over being polite about rape. It's been too long now, we have been too understanding.
We need to OCCUPYRAPE in every school, park, radio, TV station, household, office, factory, refugee camp, military base, back room, night club, alleyway, courtroom, UN office. We need people to truly try and imagine -- once and for all -- what it feels like to have your body invaded, your mind splintered, your soul shattered. We need to let our rage and our compassion connect us so we can change the paradigm of global rape.
There are approximately one billion women on the planet who have been violated.
ONE BILLION WOMEN.
The time is now. Prepare for the escalation.
Today it begins, moving toward February 14, 2013, when one billion women will rise to end rape.
Because we are over it.
ONE BILLION WOMEN on this planet have been violated. One billion daughters, mothers, grandmothers, sisters, lovers, friends.
Next year on V-Day's 15th Anniversary we are inviting
ONE BILLION WOMEN and those who love them to walk out, dance, rise up, and demand an end to this violence.
ONE BILLION RISING on February 14, 2013 will move the earth, activating women and men to dance across every country. V-Day wants the world to see our collective strength, our numbers, our solidarity across borders. Join V-Day and ONE BILLION RISING today and SAY NO to violence against women and girls.
Sign up to learn more and join the global call. You can sign up at www.onebillionrising.org and friend us on Facebook.com/vday
|By Sister Joan Chittsler |
We have become single-minded. We see things only through the male eye. We know God only through the male mind. We recognize the spirit only in the male model. As a result, we can go to war, and no one at the table will talk about the effect of carpet-bombing on the eardrums of babies. We can pass church laws that cut women off from discernment about the very things that we say affect their eternal souls. We can argue in favor of the so-called just war that we know will kill thousands, but condemn birth control outright simply because it averts birth. We can use women to supply the support structure for a society that devalues what women do, but rely on it in order to free men to make money. We live with shriveled souls.
Things are changing, of course. The role of women is at least a question now. But what kind of world do we have, how holy are we really, when the intellectual and spiritual status of half the human race isn't a question at all?
I remember the pain in the eyes of Turkish women as they talked about the lack of civil rights for women. I think of Marta, the unmarried wife of a man in Mexico who, like the rest of the culture, takes two wives for granted and supports neither one of them completely. I think of Gloria, the abandoned welfare woman on our block whose aid had been cut, but who couldn't afford child care for the children left at home while she worked. So they labeled the children deprived and called her a bad mother.
Perhaps the most serious spiritual implication of all this is that we are at the point that we risk wallowing in self-deception. Only in the last half of the twentieth century did women begin to break down educational barriers and enter new world arenas. Only then did women historians begin to uncover the unpublished, unhung, unmarketed works of women from centuries past. Only then did the brave ones begin to write about the kind of harems the West had constructed for its own women: the closeted wife of the nuclear family whose role was to maintain the conspicuous consumption that demonstrated her husband's success. Only then did ideas like these ever hope to see the light of day in print.
Now we take the words for granted, but we fail to admit that nothing much has changed as a result of them.
Why extremists always focus on women, remains a mystery to me, but they all seem to. It doesn't matter what country they're in, or what religion they claim, they all want to control women, they want to control how we dress, they want to control how we act, they even want to control the decisions that we make about our own health and our own bodies.Yes, it is hard to believe, but even here at home, we have to stand up for women's rights and reject efforts to marginalize any one of us, because America needs to set an example for the entire world.
- Secretary of State Hillary Clinton
|By Maya Angelou|
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history's shame
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
The Queen's Court is a gathering of sovereign women of a certain age - our dear peers - who graciously offer information, guidance, inspiration and encouragement to each other.
We Queens know what we know. And we know a great deal. Our experience has made us wise. So, feel free to consult with our cyber council/counsel when you are need of sage advice or wish to explore a particular topic of interest.
After the last issue of the Chronicles focusing on Self love was published, I posed this question to the Queens on The Queen of My Self Facebook page as well as the readers of The Queen of My Self Beliefnet column.
Q. January is designated Self-Love Month. And if it weren't, I, Queen Mama Donna, would have declared it so! But why stop at just one month? February is a love month, too. Let's proclaim our love and devotion for our own true life-long lover this month. And every month to follow. Come on, Queens. Tell us! How do you shower your Self with love?
A. January, yes I will begin to celebrate it as Self-love, and Self-appreciation month. Also encouraging others to do so.
We do not love and appreciate ourselves enough. It is affirmation, to accept and be kind to the one person who is always with you.
- Lorraine, PA
A. Oooh. I love that! We do need at least one Self-Love Month. Let's make it so!
- Sage, CA
A. Sounds great! I'm going to make the whole year self-love for me.
- Danessa, NY
A. Meditation, healthy food, good wine, great times w/awesome friends, sleeping in, going to bed early, a little bit of retail therapy every now and then. Need I go on.....LOL
- Lynn, NC
A. Excellent restaurant choices for me, myself, and I when dining out alone. Journaling, a candlelit bath, and the freedom to do absolutely NOTHING if I feel like it.
- Lorraine, France
A. Spontaneous road trips, no schedule!
- Connie, TX
A. Massage, Duh!
- Deirdre, TX
A. Sex for one! Works every time!
- Susie, ONT, Canada
A. I give myself permission to be me - however that manifests.
- Rosita, NM
I would love to continue this thread of discussion. Please send your ideas, opinions and personal experiences about any aspect of women and power.
Please send your questions or responses to: firstname.lastname@example.org
Your letters will be printed in the next Queen's Chronicles.
The Queen's Correspondence
Thanks so much for taking the time to respond to The Queen's Chronicles.
Please keep your comments coming. And do feel free to make suggestions about content you would like to see. Or anything else, for that matter. It is a joy to connect with you.
Letters In Response to the January/February 2012 Issue:
Loved your "Love Your Body" and "Have a Love Affair with Your Self." I too had a major clean-up in recent weeks. It is our summer here: lots given away, moved around, thrown out. Making way for a new world - personal and collective. Along with much sadness and all kinds of emotions and insights, I also have developed some healthy new attitudes! My seasonal ceremonies help me process all this, as you would understand. Thank you,
- Glenys, Australia
Loved all of this issue's information and suggestions to be in love with one's self and when we do, how could we not be in love with others?! Thank you for the loving reminder about focusing on what we love about our bodies. I guess I need to go on and embrace these XL tata's! Thank you,
- Linda, SC
I, too, agree with you about women. Only when they become rulers, then Humanity will be happy. When the first globally suppressed writer becomes world leader, women get political power. You give publicity to my status as writer. Voltaire's Poor Brahmin.
- Katrpati, India
I was so disappointed to see you write that Etta James was born to a "low life mother" and to only speculate who her father might have been, but no mention of him not acknowledging Etta or being there for her either. I found it interesting that you would denigrate her mother in such a way when you are espousing that women should love themselves. Clearly Etta's mother was born into a world that did not allow her to love herself or the child she bore. Without really knowing her mother's history, it seems judgmental and unnecessary in an newsletter about loving others as you would yourself. After reading your words about Etta's mother, I found your whole blog on "Love Your Self..." a bit disingenuous.
Thank you for sharing your reaction to Etta James' obituary. I appreciate your honest appraisal, and I am truly sorry that you were disappointed, so I would like to clarify a few things.
The description I used of Etta's mother was taken from her (Etta's) book. I would not presume to denigrate her mother on my own. That was Etta's opinion and her words, (which really should have had quotation marks around them - one of a couple of unfortunate editing oversights in this issue). I agree that her mom did not have a positive Self-esteem, and Etta's low Self-image surely was born from her mother's example and rejection.
But aren't you assuming and judging that her mother did not love her child? My own grandmother abandoned her five children in a desperate escape from a brutal husband. Women are often pushed to the edge, causing terrible consequences for their kids. But it doesn't mean that they don't love those children, just that they do not have the emotional wherewithal and/or strength of character to raise them.
Please understand that I was not judging her mom, nor Etta for that matter, but rather telling her history. And I was not speculating about who her father was. That was what she grew up hearing. I did say that she never knew him. Does that not mean that he wasn't in her life, whoever he might have been?
And finally, the newsletter was not about loving others as you would love yourself, but the opposite - being able to love yourself as you would love others. Something that neither Etta nor her mom was able to do. A sad story all around. Thanks again for writing me.
Thank you for the clarification on all fronts. All the best,
Loving myself is a daily struggle. So many years of built up negative programming has made loving, liking, and respecting myself an unheard of possibility. So imagine my delight when I received this issue in my in box. I have reread it many times already and will continue to do that until it starts to sink in. With grateful appreciation for your support,
- Charlene, ME
Why is it so hard for us to say that we love ourselves? I guess we were raised to believe that was not polite and lady-like. Your book really helped me to claim that feeling of Self-love. It has taken a long time and a lot of practice, but I can say it now. I love me! Thanks for inspiring that courage to feel good about who I am.
- Dorothy, GA
I find that a real benefit of aging is that I am much more tolerant of what I always used to call my faults. It's not that I don't care how I look or how I act, but I can be much more gentle and less judgmental with myself now. I can gladly trade a few wrinkles for that new peace of mind.
- Janice, MN
Thank you for all the work you do for women.
- Lee, NJ
We extend hearty congratulations to our multi-talented circle of Sister Queens for their impressive accomplishments and successes.
Creativity comes from trust. Trust your instincts. And never hope more than you work.
Alessandra Belloni, NJ; Jenifer Berezan, CA; Disband (Ilona Granet, Donna Henes, and Martha Wilson), NY; Carol Tandava Henning, NY; Pauline Oliveros, NY; Deborah Roth, NY; Marta Scmidt, NY; Stephanie Skura, WA; Annie Sprinkle, CA; Elizabeth Stephens, CA; Ekere Tallie, NY; Diane Torr, Scotland; and Debra Wanner, NY; on their performances and/or performances of their work.
Jennifer Berezan, CA, Home (CD); Mary Beth Moser, WA, and Mary Saracino, CO, She Is Everywhere (Anthology including QMD); Lynn Hershman Leeson, NY, Women Art Revolution (Film); Susan Joyce Proctor, NY, The Intelligent Women's Guide to Healthy Weight Loss with the Blood Type Diet (eBook); Agapi Stassinopoulos, NY, Unbinding the Heart (Book); Kay Turner, NY, Black Brooklyn Renaissance (Digital Archive); on their new publications.
Darla Bjork, NY; Lauren Curtis, NJ; Janet Fish, NY; Karen Fitzgerald, NY; Cheri Gaulke, CA; Janet Goldner, NY; Susan Grabel, NY; Ilona Granet, NY; Regina Granne, NY; Karen Guancione, NJ; Donna Henes, NY; Joyce Kozloff, NY; Sue Maberry, CA; Linda Stein, NY; Shirley Taylor, NY; Robin Tewes, NY; Mierle Laderman Ukeles, NY; and Martha Wilson, NY; on the exhibitions of their artwork.
Linda Mayo-Perez, SC, on her new business.
Dr. Susan Corso, MA, on her promotion.
Pauline Oliveros, NY, on receiving the 2012 John Cage Award
Kate Millett, NY; Carolee Schneemann, NY; and Martha Wilson, NY; recipients of the Yoko Ono 2012 Courage Award for the Arts.
Send your good news, achievements, accomplishments, successes and celebrations so that our international circle of sovereign sisters can send you blessings and accolades.
And we are glad to so. It is a joy and a privilege to share in the fortune of another woman. I recently heard Oprah say the saddest thing ever - "The hardest thing about being successful is having someone to be glad for you."
It takes a centered and confident Queen to break that pattern. There are 60 million thrones out there. One for each of us. There is plenty of purpose, passion and power for us all. May we use it well!
Please Offer Your Purest Thoughts, Your Heart-Felt Prayers, Your Great Good Feelings, And Your Very Best Blessings For Healing and Peace of Mind To:
Adrianne, NY; Alison, TN; Amy, NY; Bebee, DE; Berenice, NY; Betty, AL; Chrissie, NY; Dana, CA; Dani, WI; Dominique, NM; Dee, NY; Glenys, Australia; Jo, AZ; Judith, NY; Karen, NJ; Kathleen, PA; Kay, NY; Kazuko, NY; Kimi, NJ; Lorie, KY; Lydia, CO; Lisa, PA; Lucia, TX; Mari, VA; Mary, MD; Naomi, DC; Pat, MA; Patsy, NY; Pearl, NY; Roberta, NY; Ruth, NY; Sandi, NY; Sandy, CA; Sharon, NY; Shirley, IN; Sherli, CA; Sid, PA; Smriti, CA; Susan, MA; Susan, NC; Terri, FL; Wicki, NY; and Yvette, NY; who are in the process of healing themselves from illness, accident, injury, or surgery.
Amy, NY; D. Barbara, NY; Carol, NY; Glenys, Australia; Joanne, NY; Kimberly, NY; Kimi, NJ; Linda, NY; Linda, NY; Maureen, NY; Meryl, NY; Dee, NY; Patricia, Australia; Regi, CA; Sheryll, CA;
and Svetlana, NY;
who would benefit greatly from some spiritual support.
Ali, VT; Annie, NY; Chrys, NY; Deni, NY; Erica, New Zealand; Gaetana, NY; Gail, NY; Hemetra, PA; Kathrine, Denmark; Lois, NY; Marla, NY; Nancy, NC; Roslyn, NJ; and Sharon, FL; the caregivers who are in weary need of care themselves.
May Their Spirits Rest in Peace:
De-Anna Alba, CA
Marie Colvin, England
Theresa Conroy, OH
Rosemary Frye, MN
Tonya Thelma Grant, NY
Barbara Grier, FL
Shirley Guenthner, CO
Whitney Houston, CA
Nancy Osborne, FL
Gayla Preston, OH
Lenore Andrea Simon, MI
Rebecca Seip, IL
Donna Wilshire, NJ
With Heartfelt Condolences:
Deb Frietag, OH
Carolyn Gage, ME
Barbara Gerber, FL
Connie Hoffman, MI
Maureen Kenman, OH
Donna McBride, FL
Lea Pierce, CA
Carol Peterson, CO
Diane Scholten, IL
Linda Siegel, NY
My cousin, who is like the sister neither of us, both being only children, never had, could use your healing energy. She has a history of intermittent respiratory issues as a result of her asthma and extreme allergies, but for the last 2 or 3 years had been "kvelling" (it's Yiddish. If you don't know what it means, that's OK) about the fact that her latest protocol had kept her OK. It is unwise to tempt the gods. (I don't know about the goddesses.) She is back in the hospital with such bad laryngitis that she literally has no voice and fits of coughing that have totally exhausted her. She is negative for whooping cough, Legionnaire's disease or any of the numerous other things one tests for, and her lungs don't seem to be brewing pneumonia, but it has already been a couple or three days. She is in Springville, NY.
- Beverly, FL
There's a community in Dexter, OR (15 miles from Eugene) that is dealing with aggressive mining of a butte. So, I would ask that "Friends of Parvin Butte" be added to the circle of care. Thank you.
- Lynne, OR
One's life has value so long as one attributes value to the life of others, by means of love, friendship, indignation and compassion.
- Simone De Beauvoir
Please send your requests for physical and spiritual healing and positive energy so that the powerful women of The Queen's Court might send their prayers and blessings to you in your time of need.
To the citizens of the United States of America
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy). Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (Look up 'vocabulary').
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler, although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. Australian beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body amour like a bunch of nannies).
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!
Photo: Chris Levine
I received this as a forwarded anonymous email.
Please Submit Your Royal Reports. Tell us about your Self and/or your Queen Group: Who, what, where, when, why? What Queenly topics do you explore?
What projects do you engage in? Describe some golden moments.
for Personal & Planetary Transformation
Information about seasons, cycles, & celebrations