Queen Mama Donna
Donna Henes is an internationally renowned urban shaman, award-winning author, popular speaker, and workshop leader whose joyful celebrations of celestial events have introduced ancient traditional rituals and contemporary ceremonies to millions of people in more than 100 cities since 1972. She has published four books, a CD, an acclaimed quarterly journal and writes a column for UPI (United Press International) Religion and Spirituality Forum. Mama Donna, as she is affectionately called, maintains a ceremonial center, spirit shop, ritual practice and consultancy in Exotic Brooklyn, NY where she works with individuals, groups, institutions, municipalities and corporations to create meaningful ceremonies for every imaginable occasion.
CALLING ALL QUEENS!
The Queen's Chronicles
upbeat, practical, and ceremonial inspiration for all women who want to
enjoy the fruits of an influential, passionate, and powerful maturity.
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The Queen's Chronicles
Dearest Queen Mama Donna,
With your help, I made a shift and a commitment. Thanks for all the good work and great fun you do. Blessings,
- Queen Paddy, ND
The transition from Maiden and Mother to Queen can be a difficult one, fraught with hard lessons and lots of loss. It takes great determination and courage to confront and embrace the changes brought about by the midlife passage.
It can be really helpful during this confusing time to have the inspiration, advice and encouragement of a counselor, coach, or mentor - someone who has been there and done that and is ready to help you do the same.
Queen Mama Donna offers upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity.
TURN YOUR MIDLIFE CRISIS INTO YOUR CROWNING ACHIEVEMENT!
Further information: www.thequeenofmyself.com
Click on Individual Consultations.
Sessions are available in person and by phone. To make an appointment, call 718-857-1343 or email the Queen at TheQueenOfMySelf@aol.com
Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be.
- Grandma Moses
A Queen Event
Tuesday, October 28
IT'S ALL ABOUT ROMANCE Radio with Al Cole
Call-in Number: (347) 237-5774
Monday, November 3
POSITIVE LIVING Radio with Patricia Raskin
Wednesday, December 3
LIVING JUICY Radio with Edie Weinstein-Moser
Thursday, October 23
BECOME THE QUEEN OF YOUR SELF: CELBRATE YOUR MATURE EROTIC POWERS!
A ritual workshop with Mama Donna Henes
119 W. 57th Street, 12th Floor
New York, New York 10019
$40 (includes: crown and royal amulet bag)
Sunday, October 26
HALLOWEEN PARADE BLESSING BAND REHEARSAL
Mama Donna's Tea Garden & Healing Haven
Park Slope, Exotic Brooklyn, NY
To join the Blessing Band contact
Friday, October 31
GREENWICH VILLAGE HALLOWEEN PARADE
Led by Mama Donna and her Blessing Band
Avenue of the Americas from Spring Street to West 21st Street
To join the Blessing Band contact
6 Mondays November 3, 10, 17, 24, December 1, 8
SPIRIT SUPPORT GROUP
Mama Donna's Tea Garden & Healing Haven
Park Slope, Exotic Brooklyn, NY
For information and registration contact firstname.lastname@example.org,
Saturday, November 22
BECOME THE QUEEN OF YOUR SELF: MEANING, MOXIE AND MAJESTY IN MIDLIFE
A ritual workshop with Mama Donna Henes
The Grace Within
195 Blue Point Avenue
Bluepoint, New York 11715
$100. (includes crown and amulet bag of royal treasures)
Sunday, November 23
INTUITIVE TAROT READINGS
With Mama Donna
The Grace Within
195 Blue Point Avenue
Bluepoint, New York 11715
Have Crown, Will Travel!To discuss booking Queen Mama Donna for a reading, presentation, workshop, or a keynote address in your area, call her at 718-857-1343 or e-mail her at TheQueenOfMySelf@aol.com
The Queen's Emporium
Make sure to visit The Queen's Emporium, which specializes in all manner of elegant, practical, and frivolous goods to fulfill all the royal needs and fantasies of The Queen of Your Self. Therein you will find a choice collection of goods to augment and accessorize your royal prerogative.
Anoint, Adorn, Enjoy!
Imagine Your Ad Here!
Welcome to our new advertiser,
Shira, psychic reader, medium and pet communicator. Thank you for your support and your desire to network with our fabulous royal readers around the globe. May you be successful in your endeavors and blessed with spiritual and material abundance.
Would you like to offer information about your business to the 4000+ Queens in our royal network across the country and around the world?
Advertising listings in The Queen's Chronicles are available for $50/per issue with significant discounts for ongoing listings.
For more information and to place your order contact: email@example.com or call 718-857-1343.
for Queenly Women
Our extended circle of Queens includes some mightily talented women. Please support them by availing yourself of their superior services and by buying their excellent products.
Maguire Pubic Relations
Expertise in journalism and marketing qualifies us to position and deliver the news of our clients
Licensed Acupuncturist and Chinese Herbalist.Focusing on women's health and other chronic issues
Psychic reader, medium,
Simple Recipes for Hibachi
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Offering Everyday, Practical Eco-Spirituality to Connect the Hearts, Minds and Spirits of People Across the Globe
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Unique gifts for Body,
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Kudos to the Queens!
Nancy Azara, NY; Marybeth Edelson, NY; Janet Goldner, NY; August Mears, CA; Linda Montano, NY; and Muriel Stockdale, NY, on the exhibitions of their art work.
Diana Dodson, CA, It's Your Life, Take Charge; Andrea Gale Goodman, ME, Lightning Holds My Hand: A Woman's Journal of Guidance; and Shiloh Sophia McCloud, CA, Heart of the Visionary; on their new publications.
Yayoi Hirano, Canada; Carey Lovelace, NY; and Michelle Mais, CA; on their theatrical successes.
Flash Silvermoon, FL, on her new radio show, What The Animals Tell Me!
Diane Dunn, Peru on her marriage to Christer.
Tamara Joy Flanagan, AZ, on receiving her National Interpreters Certification.
Victoria Moran, NY; and Dr, Jane Petro, NY; on their moves and new homes.
Judith Mullen, NY, on the birth of her first grandchild, Holly. Mom, Leah Woracek Mullen, England, and baby are fine.
your good news, achievements, accomplishments, successes and
celebrations so that our international circle of sovereign sisters can
send you blessings and accolades.
And we are glad to so. It is
a joy and a privilege to share in the fortune of another woman. I
recently heard Oprah say the saddest thing ever - "The hardest thing
about being successful is having someone to be glad for you."
takes a centered and confident Queen to break that pattern. There are
60 million thrones out there. One for each of us. There is plenty of
purpose, passion and power for us all. May we use it well!
Circle of Concern
Offer Your Purest Thoughts, Your Heart-Felt Prayers, Your Great Good
Feelings, And Your Very Best Blessings For Healing and Peace of Mind to:
NY; Amy, TX; Berenice, NY; Carol. NY, Daile, NY; Deni, NY; Dominique,
NM; Donna, NY; Edie, PA; Gail, OH; Geraldine, CA; Ilene, NY; Irma, FL;
Jo, AZ; Joan, ME; Josie, MI; Kimi, NJ; Letitia, VA; Linda, NJ; Linda,
NY; Lucia, TX; Lynne, NY; Maureen. NY; Marjorie, NY, Naomi, NJ; Randi,
NY; Roberta, NY; Sherli, NY; Susan, MA; and Terry, CA.
May Their Spirits Rest in Peace:
With Sincere Condolences:
send your requests for physical and spiritual healing and positive
energy so that the powerful women of The Queen's Court might send their
prayers and blessings to you in your time of need.
What do we live for if not to make life less difficult for each other?
- George Eliot
The Queen's Correspondence
Thanks so much for taking the time to respond to The Queen's Chronicles.
Please keep your comments coming. And do feel free to make suggestions
about content you would like to see. Or anything else, for that matter.
It is a joy to connect with you
.Letters In Response To The September 2008 Issue
Mama D! I love your newsletter. My own birthday is 9/27. I love the
birthday book idea. Maybe I will start one this year. You are so
- Melissa, NY
Mama, My birthday was Sept. 17th.
I turned 60. We celebrated in the dark, as Hurricane Ike had stormed
through here on the 13th. No time to journal and do the September
things I usually do spiritually to prepare for my birthday. And this is
a very important one !!! I was feeling at a loss because everything has
been upside down since IKE. Your writing inspired me to go back and
have my ritual time now. I also think of myself as an Autumn woman due
to my birthday. Thank you for the inspiring words and guidance.
Blessings and Happy Birthday, Virgo woman. Peace,
- Lucia, TX
a lovely and wonderfully crafted email newsletter! Thanks! It was
great to meet you at the Love, Light, and Laughter Conference. With
love and light,
- Ellie, MA
Blessed Earthday to you, Queen Mama! We
met you at the WomenSpirit Conference in Chicago. We have been sharing
your emagazine and teachings about the Queen phase of womanhood here in
Detroit, with enthusiastic results!
- Sumarah & Gwen, MI Please send your responses to firstname.lastname@example.org.Your letters will be printed in the next Queen's Chronicles.
It is my
hope that as more and more women rise to reign in the fullest potential
of our supremacy, we will harness our purpose, passion, and power and
direct it toward creating a more balanced and peaceful world. This is
the legacy of Her majesty.
The women of
the country have the power in their own hands, in spite of the law and
the government being altogether of the male order.
- Victoria Woodhull
Turn Your Midlife Crisis
into Your Crowning Achievement!
It is so damn easy to feel depressed, frustrated and disillusioned right now. These are terrible times of artificial division, manipulated resentment and palpable fear. The real dynamic being played out right now is not about warring religious, economic or nationalistic factions. Not even about war. The struggle is actually between those who believe that the world is defined in terms of opposition - war or peace, right or wrong, rich or poor, with us or against us - and those who are able to see things in a more holistic, congruent manner.
These are deciding times. It is imperative for those of us who see the big picture to decide, to commit, to make a concerted effort to reach out in ever-expanding circles of affinity and embrace. Now is the time to create healthy, functioning networks in recognition and in honor of our mutual state of being and our common fate.
Because there really is still a chance for peace - and that chance will definitely increase if we each do our piece. It is ultimately up to us, each one of us, all of us, individually and together, to create the kind of world in which we want to live - starting right here, right now. Within the context of our immediate lives, within the concentric circles of our ordinary interactions.
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I once gave a presentation in Washington, DC about creating peace in our world and in our lives. During the question and answer period, a woman commented that she wished that she could drop her job and just devote herself to working for peace." "What do you do?" I asked her. "I'm a therapist," she replied. She surely has many opportunities every day to create peace in her professional capacity.
Some might argue that we don't have any choice in this upside down dangerous world and that we can't effect what will happen. But even if we can't immediately alter the course of human events on the world stage, we can certainly create change in our own lives and in all of the lives that we touch. And our thoughts are the seeds of that change.
Dr. Christiane Northrup writes, "Use your thoughts wisely. Understand their power. Thoughts have a tendency to become their physical equivalent. This is one of the fundamental laws of the universe. Another one is the law of attraction, which states that 'like attracts like.' Because it is consciousness that creates reality, the kind of consciousness you hold - your vibration - actually creates the kind of life you're living."
So our first order of business must be to stay positive. To entertain only positive possibilities. To imagine only affirmative alternatives. To surround ourselves with wholly uplifting, life-affirming people and influences. To align ourselves solely with the greater good so that our actions will be born of only the finest of our best intentions.
What we all have to do from now on is to stay alert, stay centered, keep connected and most important of all, keep talking. Talking, writing, protesting keeps the light of truth and tolerance shining upon the hidden agendas of governments, industries, institutions and individuals. Silence, like the dark of night, shelters nefarious deeds. Silence forgives violence.
I have been haunted recently by the words written by a Protestant minister after the downfall of the Nazi regime. "First they came for the gays. I am not gay, so I didn't say anything. Then they came for the Gypsies. I am not a Gypsy, so I didn't say anything. Then they came for the Jews. I am not a Jew, so I didn't say anything. Then they came for the Catholics. I am not a Catholic, so I didn't say anything. When they finally came for me, there was no one left to say anything."
Make a statement.
Make a stand.
Make a difference.
In light of the widespread oppression, manipulation, intimidation that surrounds us today, we most certainly need to say something. We need. In fact, to talk to everyone who we meet, actually engage on a human level with those who we encounter as we make it through our day. Not just our families, friends and colleagues - those of presumed like-minds - but also the shoe repair guy, the waitress at the coffee shop, the post office clerk, the bag boy at the super market.
A good example is Dianne, one of the wonderful people who regularly attend my healing circles. She not only prays for the homeless men and women who live on her block, she calls them each by name. I am so impressed and inspired by her personal outreach to the "untouchables." Everybody is, after all, somebody.
If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.
- Mother Teresa
If we ignore, exploit or patronize those people whose lives intersect with ours, how can we expect international relations to be more civilized? We need to walk our talk wherever we go, whatever we do, remembering always, that by doing so we do make a difference. Let us each be a sun, sending our caring energy out into the world, shedding light wherever we go. You never know whom you might touch with the radiance of your warmth.
I have an outgoing message on my answering machine that doesn't even say, "Hello." It just starts right in with, "You know there really is still a chance for peace and that chance will definitely increase if we each do our piece. So let's make peace - in our homes, in our own hearts, in our relationships, in our communities, in all of our dealings and in the world. Peace be with us all."
Much to my surprise, the very people whom I never would have thought would respond favorably have. The overwhelmingly positive reactions that I have received from workmen, telephone solicitors and service personnel has been an important lesson about the necessity to reach out beyond the boundaries of our biases, assumptions and expectations.
A few weeks ago, I came home to a message from the plumber who was making an appointment to fix my sink. After listening to my taped pep talk, he answered in his gravely Brooklyn brogue, "Yeah, what is this war all about, anyway? Why are we fighting those people? They never hurt us." This, from someone I would have assumed to be a proponent of the war.
The electrician, another guy who really shocked me, loves the message and calls in daily just to hear it! Once I was here when he called and when I picked up, he complained. "Let me call back again," he implored. "I want to hear the message. It makes me feel good." The reason, he explained, is that it is not political. It is personal. And it touches his heart.
But why was I surprised? People are just people, after all. When you think about it, all people are of a like-mind when it comes to living a life unthreatened by hatred and violence. The urgency for war only seems enticing when it is waged elsewhere. Ask anyone. "Do you want bombs and missiles to blow up your house?"
Every parent has the right to put her/his child to sleep each night without any risk of that child being shot, trapped in the midst of some hostile crossfire - be it in Iraq, Afghanistan, Ireland, Angola or the South Bronx. No one wants to live and work in a war zone - in Palestine, Bosnia, Zimbabwe, the World Trade Center or East L.A.
So, buck up and say what is on your mind. The more you do so, the more empowered you will feel.
And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.
- Erica Jung
The Queen Who Would Be President
Victoria Woodhull was a Queen
who lived a century ahead of her
time. She is unknown to most
people today, but when she ran for
President of the United States in
1872, she was one of the most
famous women in the country.
Victoria California Claflin was born
September 23, 1838 in Homer,
Ohio, to a down-on-its-luck family.
She was only 15 years old when
she was married to Canning Woodhull, an Ohio medical doctor.
As it turned out, her new husband was an alcoholic and a womanizer, and it soon became clear that she would often be required to work outside the home to support herself and her two children, Byron and Zulu.
"Rude contact with facts chased my visions and dreams quickly away," she wrote, "and in their stead I beheld the horrors, the corruption, the evils and hypocrisy of society, and as I stood among them, a young wife, a great wail of agony went out from my soul."
Stuck in an unhappy union in an era when women were bound to remain faithful with few options to escape - women who divorced were stigmatized and often ostracized by society - Woodhull concluded women should have the choice to leave unbearable marriages.
She railed against the hypocrisy of tacitly tolerating married men who had mistresses and engaged in other sexual dalliances. Victoria believed in monogamous relationships, although she did state she had the right also to freely love someone else if she so desired.
I am a free lover. I have an inalienable, constitutional and natural right to love whom I may, to love as long or short a period as I can; to change that love every day if I please.
She divorced Dr. Woodhull and married Colonel James H. Blood. The couple and her sister Tennessee moved to New York City where she found her public voice. In addition to free love and freedom for women, she advocated many things which we take for granted today: the 8-hour work day, graduated income tax, social welfare programs, and profit sharing, for example.
From an early age, Woodhull was extremely contradictory in her political and social views. Although she was opposed to the organized Christian religion, she lived its principles. She fed the hungry, cared for the sick, and visited the prisoners. She believed that living Christian principles was more important to saving souls than preaching the resurrection of Christ.
Along with her sister, Tennessee Caflin, she established the first female brokerage house on Wall Street. Woodhull, Claflin & Company opened in February 1870 with the assistance of Cornelius Vanderbilt, a wealthy benefactor and her admirer. They made a fortune.
Newspapers like the New York Herald hailed Woodhull & Claflin as "the Queens of Finance" and "the Bewitching Brokers." Many men's journals of the time published sexualized images of the pair running their firm (although they did not participate in the day-to-day business of the firm themselves), which tainted the image of independent, publicly-minded, un-chaperoned women with suggestions of "sexual immorality" and prostitution.
For a woman to consider a financial question was shuddered over as a profanity.
With the earnings from their business, Victoria and Tennessee established a newspaper, Woodhull & Claflin's Weekly, which debuted in May 1870 and stayed in publication for the next six years. The paper became notorious for publishing controversial opinions on such taboo topics as women's suffrage, short skirts, spiritualism, free love, vegetarianism, and licensed prostitution.
The sisters were muckrakers at heart and published exposÚs on stock swindles, insurance frauds, and corrupt Congressional land deals. They also printed the first English version of Karl Marx's Communist Manifesto.
Above all, Woodhull & Claflin's Weekly advanced the editors' commitment to the equal rights of women in the work place, the public political arena, the church, the family, and the bedroom. And the content of the paper showcased the words and deeds of ordinary and extraordinary women.
A year after she set up shop in Wall Street, Woodhull spoke at the opening of the 1871 National Woman Suffrage Association's third annual convention in Washington. She argued that women already had the right to vote since the 14th and 15th Amendments granted that right to all citizens. That all they had to do was use it.
This simple but powerful logic impressed some committee members. Suffragists, including Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, and Isabella Beecher Hooker, saw her as their newest champion. She thrilled them when she declared, "women are the equals of men before the law, and are equal in all their rights."
Her Constitutional argument was not original, but her notorious reputation focused unprecedented public attention on women's suffrage. Following Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Woodhull was the second woman to petition Congress in person. Newspapers reported her appearance before Congress.
Frank Leslie's Illustrated Newspaper, the Time magazine of its day, printed a full-page engraving of Woodhull, surrounded by prominent suffragists, as she delivered her argument.
I come before you to declare that my sex are entitled to the inalienable right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. I ask the right to pursue happiness by having a voice in that government to which I am accountable.
In 1871, 49 years before women won the right to vote, Queen Victoria Woodhull announced her intention to run for President of the United States. In 1872 she was formally nominated by the newly formed Equal Rights Party. The Vice Presidential candidate was former slave Frederick Douglass.
Her candidacy attracted a widely diverse coalition of laborers, female suffragists, Spiritualists, and communists, among others, who often had opposing positions. The need for governmental reform was the one platform that they all agreed upon. Although few seriously thought Victoria Woodhull would win, they knew her campaign would send a message to Washington that it was time for a woman in the White House.
I now announce myself as candidate for the Presidency. I anticipate criticism; but however unfavorable I trust that my sincerity will not be called into question.
Instead of debating Victoria on the issues, her opponents issued public attacks on her personal life and morals. They called her everything from a witch to a prostitute. They accused her of having affairs with married men.
The rumors eventually led Victoria and her family to be evicted from their home. They spent one night literally homeless on the streets of New York because landlords were afraid to rent to the "Wicked Woodhull."
Woodhull's campaign was notable not only because of her gender, but through her association with Frederick Douglass, which stirred up controversy about the mixing of whites and blacks and fears of miscegenation.
The Equal Rights Party hoped to use these nominations to reunite suffragists with civil rights activists, since the exclusion of female suffrage from the Fifteenth Amendment two years earlier had caused a substantial rift.
The circumstances leading up to Woodhull's nomination had also created a rift between Woodhull and her former supporter Susan B. Anthony, and it almost ended the famous, successful collaboration between Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton. Stanton, who had unsuccessfully run for Congress in New York in 1868, was more sympathetic to Woodhull.
Queen Victoria faced a myriad of obstacles to election besides the obvious one of running when women couldn't even vote. One major stumbling block was campaign fund-raising. When she began her run, she had personal funds to draw from, but eventually her money ran out and she couldn't get the support she needed to launch a formidable campaign.
The press suddenly divided between the other two great parties, refused all notice of the new reformatory movement. The inauguration of the new party, and my nomination, seemed to fall dead upon the country; and ... a new batch of slanders and injurious innuendoes permeated the community in respect to my condition and character.
Election Day found the first American female presidential candidate in jail. The United States government had arrested her under the Comstock Act for sending "obscene" literature through the mail. The alleged obscenity wasn't pornography, rather it was an article exposing the extramarital affair conducted by the popular Reverend Beecher, Harriet Beecher Stowe's younger brother and one of the nation's most prominent clergymen with Lib Tilton, the wife of Beecher's best friend, Theodore Tilton.
At first, people took the side of the government. They were glad to see the "Wicked Woodhull" in jail for besmirching the reputation of a favored celebrity. But eventually, people realized that free speech was endangered since Victoria, her sister Tennie and her husband Colonel Blood were in jail for publishing what they believed to be the truth.
It didn't matter to the government, whether the article was true or
not. Their intention was to ruin Voctoria Woodhull and her influential
newspaper. Some members of the press joined the attack. A Chicago
editor admitted to running a campaign to destroy her. He said, "Editors
know that all she has said about Beecher is true, and we must either
endorse her and make her the most popular woman in the world, or write
her down and crush her out; and we have determined to do the latter."
The scandal erupted into numerous trials for obscenity and libel. Victoria was on the defensive and was arrested eight times. The Beecher-Tilton trial was the biggest news since President Lincoln had been assassinated. It received more coverage than the impeachment of President Johnson.
Victoria, Tennie and Colonel Blood were eventually acquitted of any crimes, but the lawsuits ruined them. They spent a fortune in legal bills and bail. They lost their stock brokerage. The government confiscated their printing press, their personal papers, and their brokerage accounts.
The federal government was successful in its malicious prosecution. The resulting economic demise coupled with the stress of receiving blackmail letters and death threats, bankrupted its first female presidential candidate financially and emotionally.
In October 1876, Woodhull divorced her second husband, Colonel Blood. Soon after, exhausted and burnt out, she and Tennessee left for England to begin a new life.
In 1877 she made her first public appearance as a lecturer at St. James's Hall in London. While on the speaking circuit, she met banker John Biddulph Martin whom she married in 1883.
Under the name, Victoria Woodhull Martin she published a magazine called The Humanitarian from 1892 to 1901. But her zealous spirit of reform never recovered to pre-scandal heights.
Victoria Woodhull was a creative and courageous soul with strong abilities, notable accomplishments, and provocative dreams. She promoted shocking changes in the prevailing attitudes about sexuality and the family structure that frightened and embarrassed her contemporaries.
Ever audacious, she challenged male-dominated organizations and institutions. She attempted to use existing law and the political system to achieve her vision of equality and justice in a more egalitarian society.
She was a Queen of Finance, a Queen of the Quill, a Queen of Women's Rights, a Queen of Social Change, but most importantly, Victoria Woodhull was Queen of Her Self. She spoke her truth and walked her walk and put her money where her mouth is.
May we follow the path that she pioneered!
If Congress refuse to listen to and grant what women ask, there is but one course left then to pursue. What is there left for women to do but to become the mothers of the future government?
Victory for Victoria
The 1872 Campaign Song
If you nominate a woman In the month of May,
Dare you face what Mrs. Grundy
And her set will say?
How they'll jeer and frown and slander
Chattering night and day;
Oh, did you dream of Mrs. Grundy
In the month of May?
If you nominate a negro,
In the month of May
Dare you face what Mr. Grundy
And his chums will say?
How they'll swear and drink and bluster,
Raging night and day;
Oh, did you dream of Mr. Grundy
In the month of May?
Yes! Victoria we've selected
For our chosen head.
With Fred Douglass on the ticket
We will raise the dead.
Then around them let us rally
Without fear or dread
And next March, we'll put the Grundys
In their little bed.
The Queens' Court
The Queen's Court is a gathering of sovereign women of a certain age - our dear peers - who graciously offer guidance, inspiration and encouragement to each other.
We Queens know what we know. And we know a great deal. Our experience has made us wise. So, feel free to consult with our cyber counsel when you are need of sage advice or wish to explore a particular topic of interest.
Who knows what can come out of these sister alliances we are building?
In the September 2008 issue Queen Marley from Pennsylvania wrote for help dealing with her divorce. Here are a couple of responses from Sister Queens:
I also got divorced years ago and my ex-husband didn't want a divorce, just to live together and be separated. No way! I met a Native American man who told me when the horse is dead get off. That is what I did. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. I grew more than I ever have, even though it was painful and I went through a lot of feelings. I was so stressed that my face broke out in pimples and my hair started falling out. But at the end, and when I look back, it was a blessing in disguise. Good luck.
I've been so swamped with work I've been working 10-14 hour days, 7 days a week, for the past 6 weeks. This is good, as I am now the sole support of my household (daughter, 2 dogs, cat, and guinea pig; as well as my soon-to-be-ex who has to save every penny he earns so he can move out of our house - hopefully by the time the ink on our divorce papers dries). I'm exhausted, but have never been happier. I can do this! I can be an independent woman. YES, I AM QUEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please send your questions or responses to: email@example.com. Your letters will be printed in the next Queen's Chronicles.
Where the Queens Are
A Message From (the Other) Queen:
To: The citizens of the United States of America
From: Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.) Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy). Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (Look up 'vocabulary').
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler, although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. Australian beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body amour like a bunch of nannies).
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!
I received this as a forwarded anonymous email.
Please send your Queenly news!