March's Tool Card*:
Closet Listening
As I recently wrote in my blog about the gift of closet listening, I wanted to go into it a little deeper with you.
1. During the week, take time to sit quietly near your kids. They may view this behavior with suspicion, and wonder what you're up to. You may find they aren't all that welcoming of your presence! 2. If they ask what you want, say, "I just wanted to hang out with you for a few minutes." And then do just that. Don't interrupt their conversations or try to play their games. Sit quietly and be a "fly on the wall". 3. If they continue talking, just listen without judging, defending, or explaining. This is a golden moment for you to listen in, to be part of your child's life, have access to her thinking and processing, without the need to intervene and make things "right". In fact, it would be a big help if you were engaged in some other activity while you're listening, such as knitting, or doing a crossword. If you hear something that concerns you, you can find a way to bring it up later on, in a kind, non-threatening way. Speaking from your perspective, out of love for your child, and concern for his health and safety. Leave out the criticism and judgment. None of us are encouraged to open up to someone, share our deepest fears and concerns, when that person responds with criticizing what we did, how we did it, and tells us how we're going to fix it. We want to keep the lines of communication open and flowing; criticism and judgment have no place in that picture.
*Positive Discipline Parenting Tools 52 cards to improve your parenting skills by Jane Nelsen and Adrian Garsia. Now available in SPANISH!! |
