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Take Time for Training Newsletter
A Positive Discipline Journey
June, 2011  
In This Issue
Birds+Bees
Teaching Parenting the Positive Discipline Way
Mistaken Goals: Part Three
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birds and bees Birds + Bees the Positive Discipline Way:  Preparing for conversations about sexuality, love, and relationships.

Saturday,
June 18, 2011
9:30 to noon
 

This workshop is designed to increase your comfort in talking to your children about the birds and bees (and have fun doing it!). Using experiential activities and role-play, parents and caregivers will:

  • define their own values
  • prepare to initiate on-going conversations
  • practice answering questions
    • To register, click

    here 
    junebug
    Greetings, and welcome to the first month of summer!

    This month I'm writing about the third mistaken goal, Revenge. 

    You'll recall that we all are seeking to feel belonging and significance.  When children are "misbehaving" it's often a mistaken way of regaining that sense of belonging and significance.  If we can "break the code" of the misbehavior, we can intervene with empathy and understanding, guiding the child to useful ways of gaining what they seek. 

    I'm so excited to be facilitating 3 workshops before I go on vacation, and one right after I return. Check out my website for the current schedule.  In late June and mid-August, I'll facilitate workshops at The Red Tent in Los Gatos, a new location and collaboration for me.  Check out the website, theredtent.net.  It's a great location, and the space itself is lovely and inviting.  I'm really looking forward to working there.  

     

    As summer begins and the (hopefully) warmer weather arrives, I wish you all sunny days filled with joy and laughter. 


    Love,
    Linda



    Background
     
    teaching adults
    Teaching Parenting the
    Positive Discipline Way

    Are you excited and passionate about Positive Discipline?  Have you ever thought about facilitating parent workshops?  If so, you'll be interested to know the 2-day certification workshop is being offered this month in San Jose. Go here for more information.

     

    Mistaken Goals:  Breaking the Codecode

    Part Three--Revenge  


    If you feel hurt or disappointed by your child's behavior (How could the child do this when you try so hard to be a good parent?), the mistaken goal is probably Revenge. The belief behind the behavior is: "I don't think I belong so I'll hurt others as I feel hurt.  I can't be liked or loved" Remember, this is a "mistaken goal" because the child mistakenly believes this behavior will help him feel belonging and significance.   

     

    Let's return to our modern-day guru on mistaken goals, Jane Nelsen.  She writes ". . . it seems to be human nature to strike back when we're hurt.  That is why revenge cycles are so common.  Controlling your own behavior is important to break the revenge cycle.  Notice when you are feeling hurt and avoid striking back.  Instead, validate the child's feelings, . . . a powerful way to defuse a revenge cycle."  Jane goes on to advise, "You may need to follow up with problem solving; 'When we both feel better, why don't we get together and talk about this.'"**


    A few recommendations:
    1. Acknowledge hurt feelings.
    2. Avoid feeling hurt yourself.
    3. Teach the concept of apologies to all family members.
    4. Teach about and model making amends. 

    There are many other ideas on the Mistaken Goal Chart, and in this document , available as a download from my website.     

     

    Here is a corrected link to the document for last month's mistaken goal, misguided power.

       

    **Positive Discipline, p, 73

      
    Take Time for Training offers a variety of parenting workshops and classes based on the work of Jane Nelsen, Ed.D.  Linda Krenicky is a credentialed parent educator, and a Certified Positive Discipline Trainer.
     
    Sincerely,
     

    Linda Krenicky
    Take Time for Training

    visit website