1. BREATHE.  So often advised, it's almost a cliche, yet I have found (when I have the presence of mind to do it) taking a deep breath immediately brings down my level of irritation.   
2. BE PRESENT.  Here I'm talking about being present in the child's point of view.  Put yourself in your child's place and consider what's going on for her. Is she hungry, tired, not feeling well?  Is this behavior developmentally typical for her age?  Or is this a problem to be solved?  Solved later, when all parties have "regathered"* their ability to talk calmly
   and actually hear what the other is saying.
3. BELIEVE.  Believe that your child doesn't push your buttons just because he CAN. He's pushing them because he wants something else:  belonging and significance.  If getting your attention is how he validates that he belongs and matters, and pushing your buttons is the best way to get that attention, you will continue to have your buttons pushed.  (I love Jane Nelsen's story of the child who said to his parent, "I may push your buttons, but I didn't install
   them!")  Part of the remedy to this situation is to find ways to give that attention proactively, in more positive ways, so the need to irritate you to get attention is decreased.  (Next month I'll talk more about the "mistaken" ways children try to meet their need for belonging and significance.)  

I'm definitely not saying this is easy--oh, far from it.  We only have a nano-second, right?  But it all starts with us**,  remembering to BREATHE.

*for a great video from Dan Siegel about what happens to our brains when we "flip our lids", go here.   

** see my blog for my recent personal experience with this challenge!