|
|
Happy May!
Finding True North
One of
my favorite Positive Discipline activities, one I do in almost every overview, workshop, or class, is called "Two Lists". In it, we first
identify the challenges we experience with our children. Next, we
describe the characteristics and traits we hope our children have by the
time they are 25. The point is made that it is how we handle the
challenges that will help our children develop the traits and
characteristics we want them to have. The challenges are our big
opportunity to help our children become productive, happy, contributing
members of society. Positive Discipline tools are the bridge from the
challenges to the desirable characteristics and traits. So the "At 25"
list becomes our compass, our "true north" for guiding how we respond to
the challenges our children present.
This month I'd like to explore a few of the traits that commonly show up on the "At 25" list, and some tools we can use to increase the likelihood our children will have these characteristics when they are young adults.
I continue to enjoy the Half-Full: Science for Raising Happy Kids newsletter. If you haven't had a chance to check it out, please do! The author, Christine Carter, is a social sciences researcher at UC Berkeley. Her writing is funny, thoughtful, and insightful. The current posting, "The Trouble with Motherhood" is particularly relevant, as it talks about how busy we all are, the negative impact of that, and what we can do to un-busy our lives. Take a look!
Teaching Parenting the Positive Discipline Way is coming up June 18-20, at Sunnymont Parent Co-op Nursery School in Campbell. If you would like to teach Positive Discipline to other parents, you can register here. This has become one of my favorite workshops to facilitate. How lucky am I, to be doing work I love??!
Best,
Linda
|
|
At 25 -- Self-Confident 
A great way to help children build self-confidence is to provide opportunities for them to contribute successfully in meaningful ways. Some examples: stir the batter in the mixing bowl, set the table, sort the laundry, feed the pet--you get the picture. Small tasks that contribute to a smooth home life. You could have a family meeting about jobs that need to be done, and who can do them. If the children are involved in job-assignment, they are much more likely to follow through and do the task. My son has mastered cooking eggs now, and there is not a prouder boy in San Jose, nor one more eager to make any style eggs for me. His face glows with the confidence and pleasure he feels knowing he can make breakfast for his mom. Each experience like this builds his sense of capability, and of course I hope the payoff is that at age 25, he is a confident and capable young adult (who still makes me breakfast!).
|
At 25 -- Kind
In her blog "Half-Full: Science for Raising Happy Kids" Christine  Carter tells us "research suggests altruistic children have at least one parent (usually of the same sex)
who deliberately communicates altruistic values [to his/her child.]" So when we take a meal to a sick friend, or donate to Goodwill, or help someone carry their groceries, we are showing our children how to be kind. And communicating our values "early and often" increases the possibility our children will adopt those same values, and that they will seek our input when those values are challenged by peers or other influences. Modeling: one of our most powerful Positive Discipline tools.
|
At 25 -- Resilient
Being able to bounce back from Life's disappointments is a skill we all need. Parents often express they want their children to be prepared for "the real world". Two Positive Discipline tools that are particularly effective for this are
1) seeing mistakes as opportunities to learn, and 2) showing faith.
Jane Nelsen advises, "Respond with compassion and kindness to mistakes, rather than with shame, blame, or lecturing. Use curiosity questions to help your child 'explore' the consequences of his/her mistakes". Jane goes on to encourage parents to share mistakes they've made, and what was learned from them. We often do this at the dinner table in our home--Ben is always interested in hearing about my foibles, and has actually become very skilled at responding with questions like, "What will you do next time?"
Hand-in-hand with responding to mistakes with compassion is the fine art of stepping back and allowing children to develop their "disappointment muscles". We don't need to rush in to fix or rescue when things go wrong. It's far more helpful in the long-term if we have faith in them to work it through. Experiencing disappointment and yes, even failure, helps children learn to problem-solve, to develop a sense of "I can figure this out", and increases the resiliency factor.
|
|
Teaching Parenting the Positive Discipline Way
 June 18-20, 2010
Have you ever thought about teaching Positive Discipline to others? By attending a 2-day (plus 1.5 hours) workshop June 18-20, you will be certified to do just that. For more information, click here. |
|
|
Take Time for Training offers a variety of parenting workshops and classes based
on the work of Jane Nelsen, Ed.D. Linda Krenicky is a credentialed parent
educator, and a Certified Positive Discipline Trainer.
Sincerely,
Linda Krenicky
Take Time for Training
visit website
|
|
|
