Limited Choices 
Limited choices are about shared power. It's a given that the teeth are going to be brushed; and it's so easy to ask your child, "Do you want to brush your teeth now, or in 5 minutes?" If you add, "You decide" even better! Your child feels capable and "in charge" of a part of his/her life. And we all want that, right? And remember, if your child says, "I want to brush them in the morning", you simply respond with, "That's not an option, so what will it be: now, or in 5 minutes? You decide."
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Making Agreements
The magic and power of making an agreement is that the child is actively involved in creating it. There's a discussion where everyone gets to voice their opinions and feelings, followed by brainstorming solutions. One solution is chosen that everyone can agree to (consensus) and a specific time deadline is set. There's no "and if you don't do it. . .". It's an act of faith that the agreement will be kept. If it isn't, a simple reminder (verbal or nonverbal) is given. If that doesn't do the trick, it's back to step one again.
An agreement we made recently was about "screen time". We allow 40 minutes per day, and when the 40 minutes is up, it's really hard for Ben to stop; he often complained or became upset, and none of us felt good. His idea for solving the problem was that we give a warning at 35 minutes so he'd have time to wrap up whatever he's doing. This gives him some control over ending the game or program. It's worked well so far, and I think that's because it was his solution.
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Kind and Firm (at the same time)
I Love You and the Answer is "No"
"Kind" is respecting the needs of your child, and "firm" is respecting your needs, and the needs of the situation. This is so important, because often we are either kind OR firm. Kind till we can't stand our kids, and then firm till we can't stand ourselves! But it's not about balancing the two--it's about being both at the same time. "I'm sorry you weren't able to listen during story time. We'll try again tomorrow." Said in a calm and loving voice (kind), this tells the child that his job is to listen during story time (firm), and that you have faith he can do it next time (kind).
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Teaching Parenting the Positive Discipline Way
 March 26-28, 2010
Have you ever thought about teaching Positive Discipline to others? By attending a 2 1/2 day workshop March 26-28, you will be certified to do just that. For more information, click here.
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