Do's and Don'ts for Successful Family Meetings (an excerpt) 
by Jane Nelsen
DO:
1. Remember the long-range purpose of developing perceptions of belonging, significance, and capability.
2. Start with compliments.
3. Brainstorm for solutions to problems.
4. Keep the meeting short (10-30 minutes)
DON'T:
1. Use the family meeting as a platform for lectures and parental control.
2. Allow children to dominate and control (mutual respect is the key)
3. Skip weekly family meetings.
4. Forget that a family meeting is a process that teaches valuable life skills--not an exercise in perfection. |
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One Family's Experience
Problem-Solving
Our children look forward to having the [Family] meetings all week long. Right
now, we keep the meetings simple. We have a chalk board that lists out the date
and time, and agenda items. Every week the agenda includes compliments, schedule
and family activity, and we just started "topics/problems" as well, where
everyone, has the opportunity to contribute a subject
they would like discussed. The Family Meeting experience has provided a venue for quality time where
all perspectives are heard and respected. Even our 3 year old has had a
successful audience here to air out an issue. We've been able to come up with
solutions on how we all can make sure we are more "ready" in the morning (so we
can minimize how often we run late!), an agreement on chores and allowance, and
a more pleasant "bedtime" routine.
Family of Five, San Jose, California
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A Teacher's Perspective on Class Meetings
Why Do I Have Class Meetings? 
At the beginning of the year it builds community when the kids make their own
guidelines for the class. We work together to decide how our class will operate.
It lets them know that everyone in our classroom has a say and that they are
important. This also helps build trust with each other.
Then, once our
class trusts each other, we can learn how to solve our own problems. We set up
how to state a problem without mentioning names. We don't want anyone to feel
they are being attacked. Through role playing, we discuss different ways to
solve problems that might happen.
Class meetings are also a time to make
announcements, or make plans for parties or celebrations. Class meetings signal
that everyone is important in decision-making. Since everyone helps make
classroom agreements, everyone is more likely to follow them.
Sandy Giese, First Grade Teacher at Village School, Campbell, California
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Another Way. . .
Come Join the Circle
We always sit in a circle, hold hands, close our eyes, breathe, and ring a
meditation bell. This distinguishes our time together as unified and sacred.
We address agenda items and always try to end on something fun--like planning
for a special event, party or family outing. We try to do our meetings once a
week, with varying success. We also call special meetings when an issue comes
up that feels pressing and can't wait. We try and use the same format. Family
meetings have been a wonderful and grounding addition to our experience of
family. It has improved communication, understanding and compassion in all of
us.
Family of Four, San Jose, California
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