The Mind Reading Disaster
By John Gray
Faulty communication between the sexes is largely due to mistaken assumptions. One of the most common of those assumptions manifests itself as what we can call "mind reading".
Since men and women do not realize how different they are, they assume that they know what the other is thinking or feeling before it has been clearly stated.
True, women are quite accurate when mind reading other women because they are already so similar. Likewise, men can accurately read the minds of other men. When men and women start mind reading each other, trouble is inevitable.
Men and women mistakenly assume that they can correctly interpret or anticipate each other.
For example, sometimes in a conversation a man prematurely decides that he knows what a woman is saying. His error lies in assuming that she started out making the point she wanted to make as a man would. He may be listening and then, before the speaker is finished, says, "I got it, I got it." This works fine with another man, but to a woman his statement is preposterous. She knows that he can't know what she intends to say, because many times even she doesn't know. While sharing, she is in the process of finding out what she feels, thinks, or wants.
A man needs to understand that if a woman needs to talk, and if his desire is to support her, then his purpose in listening is not just to get the gist of what she is saying but to help her get it out. As she gets it out without being interrupted, her view might change midstream or she might completely change the subject. She may ask questions and then start answering them.
By expecting this to happen, he can avoid feeling frustrated. He needs to remember that just as he has to mull over his problems before talking about them, a woman needs to talk about her problems before she will have a definite opinion. If she feels overwhelmed by difficulties, just by talking about them she may feel better.