Anger is contagious. We see this everyday in our world. All we have to do is turn on the television or pick up a newspaper to see the riots, wars, torture, humiliation, and abuse we inflict upon each other. It is shocking to think we are capable of such monstrous acts. If we unravel all of the pain and conflict that surrounds many of these battles, it becomes clear that anger is the fuel that feeds the fire.

 

 Anger isn't all bad. It is a great tool if we learn to use it to our advantage. Most of us weren't taught to see anger as a valuable emotion. Anger is helpful to us when it first starts to rear its head. Maybe we notice it as a sensation that moves through our body or a volatile thought that cascades through our mind. It is at this instant that we must become fully aware of its presence. Anger is our barometer that warns us when something is very wrong. It's a way for our body and mind to get our attention....as if to say...."okay, something is way out of balance in here". This is our moment to stop and assess the situation, before reacting. The biggest problem we have is that we react to an emotional situation without stopping to think it through in a rational way. We have all experienced the result of jumping into anger without processing the emotion first. It can be very destructive to ourselves, as well as to others. When we get stuck in anger, we say things we regret, we become abusive, we lose control, we embarrass ourselves and typically we hate who we are after the incident. 

 

So how do we begin to process our anger? Again, it starts with awareness. Begin to practice recognizing the moment you feel the angry emotions surface. Below, is a four step process I developed that has proven to be very helpful. 

 

Step 1 STOP....recognize the anger and remove yourself from the situation. If you can't remove yourself physically, take a "time out" in your mind.

 

Step 2 IDENTIFY....recognize what's underneath the anger. In other words, is the anger really about something else that has deeper roots? For example, jealousy, lack of confidence, old emotional wounds that haven't healed. This can be done once you have the quiet time to reflect on the anger.

 

Step 3 FEEL....allow yourself some time to feel the anger in a safe environment. Possibly, you need to begin to work through any unresolved feelings that may have contributed to the anger. This is  where you process the layers of the anger to increase your awareness. This may take time and is also done when you have space for reflection.

 

Step 4 Release.... after you have taken enough time to FEEL the anger and processed its depth, it's time to RELEASE it from your body/mind system. You can find your own way.....crying, exercising, communicating, meditating, etc. Take as much time as you need and repeat as necessary. Some of our anger issues resonate deeply within us...have patience with the process.

 

 With practice these steps will help you become better at conflict resolution, problem solving skills and ultimately create more peace in your life.

 

Help encourage PEACE...pass this on!