Dear Jack,

As the most rational Green you will ever meet, I need some advice about my very Blue boyfriend. Jim is overly attentive, mushier than most women I know, and completely unrealistic about day-to-day living.

Look, I don't want him cleaning my personal messes. If I get another love note written with crayon on the bathroom mirror I'll scream. And I don't want the bills paid "whenever" - I want them paid early.

Help me out, Jack.

Meg Greenfield

Jack responds: Meg, would it make you feel better to know that Greens and Blues are often very good matches. Actually I think Greens are best paired up with other Greens. But unquestionably a best "second choice" is a harmony-seeking Blue. Why is that? Truthfully, both Greens and Blues live happily in their heads and love to brainstorm together - everything from local politics to system changes on an international level.

Blues, however, are known to be diverted by emotional feelings, over-nurturing, less-than-perfect logic, hard-to-define intuition, and so much more.

Let's face it, Blues really, really want to be INTO their partners - their thoughts, their feelings, their history, their future plans and, especially, into the soul-mating aspects of their nature.

If you care about your personal space, but also care about the feelings of your boyfriend, here are some suggestions.

Set boundaries. Don't worry about hurting feelings. If he loves you, you will probably not hurt his feelings with something like, "I need to be alone on the following occasions, e.g., when I'm showering and dressing in the morning, when I'm reading the paper. I pride myself in taking care of myself most of the time and, of course, I appreciate your efforts to spoil me a little, but please offer this kind of help sparingly."

Treat love with the respect it deserves. "I know you love me but, you have to know, the concept of love is so very deep and important to me that I feel expressing sentiments of love should be reserved for special times and special occasions. Saying I love you too often makes me uncomfortable and distracts me from other things in my life. And, to tell you the truth, it makes me feel obligated to say I love you back when I cannot deliver the sincerity that such an important statement deserves.

Finally, agree on mutual expectations about the work side of your relationship. Decide who performs which errands and chores in the household and insist on sticking to them. Who pays the bills and on what schedule? Who cleans what? And when? Who shops? Who sets the social calendar? And when your Blue boyfriends regresses to performing his chores sloppily, have a Blue conversation about it. "Honey, I need your help. You know how much both you and I value harmony. You know how much stress and conflict can hurt the relationship if we both don't work extra hard at creating the harmony we need. When the bills aren't paid, or when I walk into a bedroom that reeks of disrespect, it's hard for me to relax into your arms with the full heart I really want to have for you. Do you understand, honey? Will you help me out with this? Please take care of your end to the best of your ability."