Loving your body did NOT almost kill you!

Greetings!

This blog was written in response to the article, Loving My Body Almost Killed Me, by Jess Weiner

Dear Jess,

We at The Body Positive congratulate you on your recent improvements to your health. There are points in your article, and in your messages over the years, that can help both women and girls in their pursuit of size acceptance and health. In a world that diminishes a woman's confidence and sense of self in so many ways, women need more support to get back in touch with their innate intuition. Women need to believe they have the tools within them to practice excellent self-care. Women need help to begin the journey of self-love, which means learning to trust themselves again, and to understand the messages their bodies send them.

What we can't get past is the dangerous title of your article, and the mixed messages it contains. Let's be honest. Loving your body did NOTalmost kill you. We will agree with your doctor's assessment that your self-neglect caused you to be out of touch with food quality and quantity, and that your lack of movement was not great for your health. However, there is an important distinction between loving your body and an 'anything goes' attitude. Loving our bodies does not mean indulging our every whim. Realself-love means listening deeply, and being fierce and protective of our physical and mental selves. That means taking care of your pancreas, too!

The Body Positive message is that loving yourself will motivate you to find health. This health won't be determined by a number on the scale. As your doctor explained, "Jess, you're focusing on the wrong numbers..." Ultimately - and I believe you actually know this - the dieter's mentality (your desire to lose 30 more pounds even when your metabolic fitness is good) is impossible to sustain. Exercising past exhaustion, or always depriving yourself of dessert is not sustainable.

Loving your body means listening on the deepest level possible to what your body needs in order to be healthy in the very best possible sense of the word. It means honoring when you get out of balance, which it sounds like you were, and why your metabolic fitness levels were not so good. Loving your body means forgiving yourself for your lack of self-care and choosing in the moment to change your eating and exercise behaviors to be more life-sustaining.

Jess, being a spokesperson for any cause is challenging, much less a revolutionary one. We hope your journey of loving your body is a life-long pursuit. After all, we do agree, listening to your body's physical and internal needs IS, as you said, "a crucial part of loving yourself completely." Please just remember that health is improved by adopting positive self-care behaviors, even if your weight remains unchanged.

. . .

Diets don't work. Why? Because they are not sustainable. The Body Positive offers Be Body Positive workshops to develop skills to help you on the road to discovering what is your best individual self-care.

Other excellent resources that offer valuable help in deciphering the confusing messages about health and weight include:

We wish everyone a compassionate journey towards confident, joyful self-care.

With love and gratitude,

Photo: LarryDyer.com

Elizabeth Scott and Connie Sobczak

The Body Positive

The Body Positive is a project of the Tides Center, a public charity exempt from federal income tax under Section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Service.

The Body Positive's Intuitive Health™

Reclaim Health and Beauty

One of the most central aspects of the Reclaim Health and Beauty competency is learning the fundamentals of Health at Every Size (HAES). HAES is a practical and research-based health model that honors the genetic diversity of human size and shape. Unlike traditional diet programs, HAES takes the focus off of weight and thinness for the sake of cosmetic appearance, and encourages people to listen to their individual needs for physical activity and nourishment. HAES encourages people of all sizes to adopt healthy lifestyles.

Practice Intuitive Self-Care

With the core competency of Practice Intuitive Self-Care, we move to the physical body. The purpose of this competency is to learn to trust that our bodies possess all of the wisdom necessary to eat and exercise for nourishment, fitness, and pleasure. Here we teach people the "how to" of Intuitive Eating and Intuitive Exercise.

Cultivate Self-Love

The purpose of the Cultivate Self-Love competency is to understand the connection between how we feel about ourselves and our self-care behaviors. It is a common misconception that if we are critical and unloving of our bodies, this attitude will somehow serve as motivation to take better care of them. It is the old notion that we can "whip ourselves into shape". In actuality, the complete opposite is true. The more we love and respect our bodies, the more we are able to listen to and trust them to guide us in making healthy and enjoyable self-care choices. The truth is that the more we love ourselves, the more we want to nourish our bodies well and move them regularly, because it feels good to do so.

Build Community based on shared positive body image.

In this final competency, Build Community, we reach the heart. The purpose here is to create communities where we support one another in choosing to love and honor our unique bodies, therefore expanding our potential to create positive change in our own lives and in the world. In order to sustain positive change on an individual level, it is essential that people feel connected to others who are doing the work to love their bodies, and who are committed to fully living their lives.