The Past: Regretters / Dwellers / Learners

Regretters: What might have been is often accompanied by feelings of regret. We wish our past could be different.  In the situation I just described, it is tempting to wonder: How could the outcome have been avoided? The eldest child decided at the last minute to join members of the family headed to a movie and then asked to drive. What if he hadn't gone to the movie? The dad remembers that the last time he sat with his son as he backed out of the driveway, he pointed out that the son had strayed toward the grass and tree. What if he hadn't made that point - perhaps his son overcorrected as a result of those comments. The mom thinks about how she almost yelled at her son to watch the wall but chose not to because he had already been corrected numerous times in his first four days of driving. What if she had yelled?  Regret is an all-too-natural response to what might have been.

Dwellers: If you've ever attended a high school reunion, you've met the dwellers - the people whose best years are in the past; they keep trying to recreate them and make them real so that they never have to leave.  Think "Glory Days" by Bruce Springsteen.  At bottom, dwelling is giving up on what is and still might be.

Learners: We cannot change our past, but we can be changed by our past. That is the insight of the learners, those who understand that life's journey continues and they need to grow from their successes and their mistakes. Regretting changes nothing about our past but it can keep us from acting now with courage. Dwelling is an illusion that can't be maintained - it's like trying to have a picnic in the middle of an interstate; even if you manage to draw others in, you cannot stop the flow around you.

The Future: Worriers / Dreamers / Planners

Worriers: Back to our student driver - now that he has had his first accident within his first four days of driving, it is easy to wonder about his future. If he cannot successfully escape the driveway, how can he navigate through traffic?  What might be is often aligned with a sense of worry. We hope that our future turns out the way we are trying to make it. We are seeking control where none is available.

Dreamers: Others dream - they can write or talk a good future, but essentially they are asleep. They are doing nothing to bring about the reality they hope to experience.  Dreams don't come true by chance, it is planning and action that make them real.

Planners: We cannot act in our future, but we can act for our future. Planners have learned that it is possible to make decisions today that guide our steps in the desired direction. We do not control our future, our circumstances, or the free choices of others, but we can have influence that makes our future better than if we were coasting or driving in reverse. Like regret, worry changes nothing, but it can keep us from acting with courage. Like dwelling, dreaming is an illusion that cannot be maintained.

NOW: Acting in the Present

Actors: This moment we call "now" - this is the only moment when we are able to act. That doesn't mean that the past and future aren't significant to our activity in the present, they are.

We need to live now by learning from the past and acting in the light of our desired future. Just remember that we sometimes rewrite our past to support our preferred perspective - whether positive or negative.  As for the future, the light shines brightest on the next few hours and days, dimming quickly as we move farther into the future.  We may talk about 10 years from now, but whether it is our organization's growth, the federal budget, peace in the Middle East, the college experience of our children, our next career, or blessed retirement, looking 10 years out is like trying to see your feet while standing in Lake Erie - you know your toes are there but you find yourself staring into murky darkness, your feet obscured within the inky cloud. (At least that was Lake Erie in my youth.  Perhaps it's gotten clearer.)

This moment is what you have - make the most of it. Act now. Cast off regret - the car is damaged. Abandon dwelling - there's another trip to take today. Resist worry - the outcome of his next trip is yet to be determined, in part, by circumstances and the free will of others - both beyond our control. Wake up, quit dreaming - eventually his driving must take place in reality, on pavement. See what he has learned from his experience, plan a better approach to avoiding both tree and wall, and then hand him the keys.

At Julian Consulting, we are here to help you learn from your past, plan for your future, and act now in light of what you are seeking to accomplish.  We are committed to your success - professionally and personally; success that results from choices made in the only moment available for action - the moment that is now.