Greetings!
Instant oatmeal. Instant potatoes. Instant coffee. Instant messaging.
Instant communication.
Even our language has been impacted by this bombardment of the instantaneous. Through the years, I've talked about ideas percolating, but who under the age of 30 has ever seen coffee percolate?
We're not going to stop this train and we can't jump off. Some claim to have disembarked, but I'm not persuaded. I saw an interview with Tim Burton where he claims not to carry a phone. But he pays an assistant to carry and answer one for him. I've read stories of executives who refuse to communicate by e-mail, but again, I'm confident people in their organizations read and send messages for them.
Check out my Newsletters Archive (click on the link) and my Effective Family Communication blog (click on the link).
Recently a friend of ours talked about a situation where a relative texted her son immediately following an accident and said someone they both knew had been severely injured. Her son wasn't in a position to do anything about this and it left him worrying without any details or real understanding of what had happened. It was only later that they received a more detailed update. Her thought - it would have been better for her son to know nothing about the accident until the details were clear and they could choose how best to respond.
Here are two communication principles I would suggest:
- Sometimes you really don't need to say anything - not every thought and emotion needs to be communicated immediately and often when you let things percolate you find the pot has been unplugged and the boiling has died down of its own. In this confessional age, encouraging one another to share instantly without self-censorship is often damaging.
- It is better to communicate once the message is clear and the details are known. Rushing to tweet (Twitter), post (Facebook), or text may spread confusion and include others in our initial impressions, conjectures, and skewed information. Wait until you have something clear to communicate. There's a reason you can delete a tweet or post - unfortunately that doesn't mean you can undo its impact. Think of information as large hailstones. They hit the surface of your car and leave dents. While dents on a car may be popped out, the dents left by information can never fully be undone - residual impact remains.
While in school, my parents memorized speeches and poems - many of which they can still recall. Growing up we did less memorizing. Today our children memorize very little historical data. Why? Because everything is available instantly online. Just as children (and adults) must be taught to sort through information and use it wisely, so it is with instant communication. Like instant coffee, just because it is available doesn't mean you should drink it. Sometimes percolating produces a better result.
NOTE TO COFFEE DRINKERS: Despite this months' percolation theme, you may be surprised to learn that I don't drink coffee. I did taste coffee beans fresh off the bush in Honduras and the coffee grower told me something I'd never thought about. Coffee is almost entirely water, yet most people focus on the coffee beans while using tap water to brew them. His suggestion - use quality water to get a better tasting cup of coffee, and make sure you get it hot enough. Coffee should brew at 200° F. Many people use inexpensive coffee makers that never get the water hot enough. So invest in good coffee beans, but make sure your water is pure and reaches the proper temperature. (Take a walk down memory lane by reading this Wikipedia article.) |
