You cannot lie your way to peace. I'm sure there are some readers whose immediate reaction is: "Of course you can lie your way to peace. I do it all the time." In fact, I know one person in my life who says "no" by saying "yes." He smiles and nods along with you, agreeing with what you say, and then promptly forgets or chooses to forget the conversation once you've left the room. Rather than taking you on directly and having to deal with the difficulty of saying "no," he just agrees and then ignores. My impression is that he never intended to do what he just agreed to and so I rarely take his enthusiastic support to be sincere.

What is a lie? It is not just saying something false, because I may say something false believing it to be true (I'm sitting in a room without windows and tell you it is raining because it was when I arrived 5 minutes ago - it is actually quite sunny). It may be saying something true, because I may say something true while believing it to be false (I tell you that I bought tickets to a charity event I don't want to attend, but about which I want you to quit bugging me, forgetting that in a moment of weakness months ago I actually did buy the tickets). Lying is communicating with the intention to deceive. So whether what I say is true or false, if I intend to deceive you, I am lying.

Misunderstanding may look like lying. Using terminology from Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, those with an extroverting preference (they have a tendency to think out loud), who also have a perceiving preference (they like to be spontaneous, flexible, and adaptable) are sometimes seen as deceptive or lying when they are not intending to deceive. What happens is that these EPs are out gathering information and they run into those having a judging preference (they like to be decisive, planned, and orderly). Js look to draw conclusions and decisions from conversation. So the EP is gathering information and the J is looking to reach a decision. They both interpret the conversation from within their own framework. Eventually three Js meet up in the lunchroom and discuss what the EP has said - "Well he told me we are going to do X." "No, I spoke with him and he said we are going to do Y." "Well, that's odd. I distinctly heard him commit us to Z." What are these three people to conclude? As those with a judging preference they conclude that the EP is dishonest, deceptive, that he only tells people what they want to hear and commits to multiple paths to keep everyone happy while he ends up doing whatever he wants.

Here are five principles related to truth-telling:

1. Not all truth needs to be spoken - sometimes it is simply best not to speak. It may be better to deflect a question with a question or to redirect attention elsewhere rather than always speaking truth.
2. Not all truth needs to be spoken now - sometimes it is best to wait and see whether it will remain necessary for you to speak.
3. The truth needs to be spoken in love - how you say something is often just as important as what you say. You may need to speak truth on an uncomfortable issue, but if you can empathize with the recipient and see the world from her perspective, you may choose your words more carefully.
4. Your truth may not be the truth of others - each of us sees the world from a perspective that is not the final, privileged view from which truth can be seen without distortion. None of us is God.  (This is not to say that there isn't genuine truth - just that you aren't the one person best positioned to say in every instance what it must be.)
5. Lying provides only short-term avoidance of truth - it often appears that lying is the best choice even if it isn't the best policy. But long-term truth has a way of emerging and lies tend to have a short shelf-life before they mold and decay. Besides, it takes a lot of effort to keep your lies straight and once a lie is told it leads to other lies that must be remembered as well.

When you are tempted to lie your way to peace, resist. Ask yourself the following questions: 1) Do I need to speak the truth in this situation or can I remain silent? 2) If I need to speak, does it need to be now? 3) Can I speak the truth in love? 4) Can I speak the truth, recognizing that my perspective is one of many? 5) What long-term objective will truth-telling gain me that lying will not? People are looking to you for leadership - don't sell your long-term influence for short-term peace. Peace founded on deception won't last and your leadership will be diminished.