Parents want better lives for their children.  This is true particularly of societies where the opportunity for a better life exists (or has existed historically).  It should be noted, however, that "better" is defined rather differently among parents.

Possible meanings include having a better job, more money, nicer home, better family relationships, a stable marriage, or experiencing healthy living (this can be understood physically, emotionally, spiritually), having power, being educated, exerting influence in the lives of others, or some combination of these factors.

What I struggle with is the realization that sometimes I want my child to be a better person than I'm willing to be.  In other words, it's not just that I want my child to have greater opportunity to experience a better life (whatever "better" may mean), but that I want my child to make better choices than I have made or am willing to make.

To use a simple example, recently we had a situation where one of our children grossly underperformed in school.  My frustration was not merely that this child doesn't study well, but that he/she doesn't seem to have a clear sense of what studying involves.  But if I'm honest, I didn't become an effective student until graduate school when I finally tired of not understanding class discussions or claims made by the professor and decided that it was worth risking embarrassment to learn.

So it is not just that I want my children to have access to better educational opportunities - they do.  I want them to make decisions I was unwilling to make at their ages.  Worse, there are times when I want them to make decisions that I'm still not willing to make.

Having grown up in a minister's home and having been in pastoral ministry for three years a lifetime ago, I would note that this is similar to the dilemma faced by leaders of spiritual communities.  You are called upon to articulate what you believe to be capital "T" truth and not merely call people to emulate you in your mixture of moral success and failure .  That is, you speak Truth knowing that you are not living it out fully, that some degree of hypocrisy cannot be avoided, but believing that it is better to err on the side of calling people to that higher ideal even when you are not (will never be) a perfect embodiment of it.

So it is in parenting, we call our children to be what they are capable of being even as we (and they - as they get older) know that we are not perfected versions of what we are calling them to be.  This can work as long as our children see our commitment to growing, to not being self-deluded about our current status, and as long as we are consistent in our commitment to central truths we claim are vital to our lives.

The bottom line: Don't abdicate your moral authority merely to avoid being what you inevitably are - a hypocrite.  Just be a maturing hypocrite who calls others to continuing growth.  But beware - if you call people to what you are unwilling to be, you likely will lose the influence you seek.

NOTE: I'll save you the trouble of pointing out that I may be exaggerating to make my point.  Here's a rather standard definition of "hypocrite."  If you are unwilling to wear this tag, I'm willing to bet there are times and stages when your children would place it on you.

hypocrite (noun)

1: a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion
2: a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings