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Promoting healthy teams: The right people with the right fit, enjoying right relationships.
 

March 2011
 
Meeting room

Greetings! 

 

Do you have team members you are trying to influence, but you can't seem to get through to them?  Consider this principle: Influence rests on the twin pillars of trust and loyalty.

 

Recently I was reading a political blog and found myself fascinated with the comment section.

 

My conclusion: Neither side was moving the ball down the field.  I found no evidence that anyone's views were being altered or influenced despite the energy exerted by so many for that purpose.

What I saw were three factors critical to effective communication that were being ignored or misunderstood. 

Trust & Loyalty
The twin pillars of influence.

Trust.  The building blocks in communication are a set of facts and one's interpretation of those facts.  Trust influences whether I accept your building blocks.  When people disagree fundamentally, they inhabit different worlds with competing facts.  Even if there are facts common to both worlds, they interpret them differently.  They talk past each other and all the communication they can muster won't produce genuine dialogue.

Loyalty.  Partisanship often clouds the search for truth and frames how one interprets the data.  Political blogs align with a "home team."  You can see this in how casually writers throw around unsubstantiated claims about truth and virtue, forcing visitors to fight uphill against this home field advantage.

Influence.  Apart from coercion there is no controlling other people.  People are influenced.  This is why good parents can turn out bad kids and good kids can come from bad homes.  As long as there is free will, influence is the most you can manage.  What I was witnessing on the political blog was a free-for-all where people wanted desperately to influence others, but were failing because 1) They trusted different people and organizations and 2) They were loyal to different teams.  They were left to conquer and verbally coerce rather than offering invitation and influence.

Here are the takeaways for your world.  Build trust.  Without trust your message cannot take root; it will be seed sown on rocky soil.  Encourage loyalty.  Without loyalty you may end up with silos competing against one another rather than alongside one another, or with individuals who are only in it for themselves.  Exercise influence.  Without trust and loyalty you're left to coercion - you have no influence.  Without influence you aren't a leader - there's no one choosing to follow.  Of course, influence is a two-way street.  The best leaders are learners who are open to being influenced by those they serve.

Do you need to repair trust or loyalty within your organization?  I work with leaders to accomplish those goals.

(To be clear, it is possible for there to be influence based on trust or loyalty alone - but such influence is diminished when compared to situations where both trust and loyalty are present.)

How to Win Friends & Influence People 
Fostering trust and loyalty enhances influence

There are two kinds of people in the world - those who love Neil Diamond and those who don't.  (Of course, there really are people who've never heard of Neil Diamond, as well as a few who have but don't care about him one way or the other.)

There are two kinds of people in the world - those who appreciate Dale Carnegie and those who don't.

The version of this book that I own has a banner reading: "Over 15 Million Sold - Fully Revised for the 80s."  In the past 30 years some of the luster has worn off of Dale Carnegie's classic.  Here's my take.

He divides the book into four sections:

  1. Fundamental techniques in handling people
  2. Six ways to make people like you
  3. How to win people to your way of thinking
  4. Be a leader: How to change people without giving offense or arousing resentment

At times, Carnegie blurs the line between being strategic and being manipulative.  I cringe at the wording "Six ways to make people like you," but understand that he was immersed in the mindset of the 30s, convinced that his behavioral strategies could all but guarantee specific outcomes.  As he writes:

The rules we have set down here are not mere theories or guesswork.  They work like magic (p. xvii).

Each section ends with a list of principles that summarize his main ideas.  There are 30 principles in all.  They are listed here.

"Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly" and "Ask questions instead of giving direct orders" (probably not the best military advice) are just two of his principles.  My preference is for assertive communication that is clear and direct; even so, many of his principles provide effective behavioral strategies for building trust and encouraging loyalty.

I realize this is not a glowing recommendation, but this classic is worth a first or second look.  There's a reason it has had staying power amidst a glut of self-help titles.

(Click here for a link to the book on Amazon.)

Thanks for reading.  If you want to strengthen your influence, I'm here to help you build trust and encourage loyalty.

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Committed to your professional and personal success in 2011 and beyond,

Stephen Julian signature

Dr. Stephen Julian

Julian Consulting
 
www.julianconsulting.org

 

Promoting healthy teams: The right people with the right fit, enjoying right relationships.

 

447 Greensboro Drive
Dayton, OH 45459
(937) 660-8563
(937) 660-8593 (fax)
 
stephen@julianconsulting.org

 

All content © 2011 by Stephen Julian, PhD

 

 

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How to Win Friends & Influence People
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