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Julian Consulting |
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| Effective Family Communication |
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You can understand each other - really! |
November 2010 |
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Greetings!
Remember the days before e-mail, the Internet, cell phones? No? I forget that some of you are that young. Well, Judy and I remember because before we were married we had to call using phones with cords and write letters by hand.
So while we know today's technology can be a blessing, we also wonder how to help our children use it wisely. This month's newsletters highlights three tools for Internet safety. I hope you find one (or more) that are of use to you and your family.
You may prefer other tools to the ones mentioned here, but regardless of the tools you choose to use, your family needs to address Internet safety. This is a conversation you need to have, not just once, but as an ongoing topic that is readdressed as your family members mature. Remember: The goal in parenting is to move from controlling behavior to influencing values that guide behavior. These tools can help you in that process. |
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Internet Safety
Let me begin by stating what you already know - there is no way to completely protect family members from what is "out there." That's why it is important that you build behaviors and values that will go with family members when they leave your home. I consistently remind myself that we are raising real humans with the eventual goal of releasing them into the world as independent adults. In the end it is their values, their behaviors, their lives - we're here to help them on that journey and the time at home is running out (although much of what I read suggests they may be at home longer than I anticipate).
You're going to need to make some choices. First, do you want to filter out what websites family members can access from your Internet connection or do you want to track where individuals go when they are online? Second, do you want the users to know that websites are being filtered / tracked or do you want to do this secretly?
My bias: I want my family members to know that there is a filter being used and that their web usage is being tracked. I have access to my son's Facebook account and we talk about appropriate Internet behavior. At the same time, I have found a solution I like that provides a great deal of freedom within clear boundaries. |
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Tool #1: Norton Safety Minder
I've tried a number of products for internet safety on our home network and Norton Safety Minder is my current choice. It is free (something I like) and effective (something I demand). It does require setting up user accounts for each family member (although my wife and I share one administrator account).
What I like: -
Norton Safety Minder is free -
It allows you to block users from doing image or video searches for adult material, a weakness in some products that block websites, but don't block inappropriate searches - It allows individualized settings (thus the need for individual user accounts)
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It monitors Internet usage (amount of time and sites visited) - including social sites -
It will block various categories of sites, but as users mature they can be allowed access to more sites but certain categories will still trigger a warning message and an opportunity for the user to write the administrator (in our home, that's me) a note about why he/she needed to visit the site -
It has a wealth of tools and settings that we don't use including time limits and time of day limits -
Unlike some past Norton products it does not seem to be a system resource hog - in plain English, it doesn't seem to slow down the computer in an unacceptable fashion
Click here to go to the Norton Online Family page. In the bottom right corner of the page is a link to download Norton Safety Minder. |
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OK, this requires a bit more computer knowledge. Basically you set up the router for your network to route everything through the OpenDNS servers. It allows for Internet content filtering which you can configure based upon a variety of categories. It is NOT a replacement for a product like Norton Safety Minder - it doesn't have nearly the amount of configurability and cannot be individualized since it protects at the router level rather than at the individual computer account level.
What I like:
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It is completely transparent in its operation - set it and forget it -
Since every wireless device in your home goes through your router and this provides protection at the router level, every wireless device that is used in your home is automatically protected (for example, your kids' iPods that have Internet access) -
It is free (you can pay for some additional services - I use the free version) -
It is used by many companies and libraries to keep out the worst material
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Tool #3: Covenant Eyes
I'll let Covenant Eyes describe its product: "Covenant Eyes Accountability differs from filtering in that it doesn't block any websites you visit. Instead, it monitors all the sites you visit and sends a report to your Accountability Partner. Your Accountability Partner should be someone you trust and feel comfortable with, and who feels comfortable calling you out if you're starting to go down sketchy paths, like a friend or mentor."
This is not going to stop you from using a computer that doesn't have the program installed, but it does serve as a reminder of your commitment to sharing your browsing history with someone you trust.
Covenant Eyes has added a filtering product. The accountability and filtering products are not free, but I know people who have used the accountability tool and found it useful.
What I like:
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It moves to a different level - more of a peer-to-peer approach where both parties hold one another accountable for their choices -
It serves as a reminder of one's commitment to use the Internet wisely - it reinforces stated values -
It provides meaningful Internet usage reports that categorize sites that have been accessed
Click here to go to Covenant Eyes. |
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For more insights and tips, check out my blog: "Effective Family Communication" (click on the link to visit my site).
Topics include:
- Parents' Guide to Understanding Your Kids: Tip #2 - People Tell Stories for Different Reasons
- Quit waiting for "The Perfect Holiday Gathering"
- "I love you" is reason enough
- "Killer Bunnies" - Despite the Name, A Great Family Game
- Parents - Don't muzzle yourselves!
- 3 Keys to Success - in every area of life!
- Facebook - Download all account information
- Thanksgiving comes early!
- Guarantee your child's educational success for less than $200!
- Becoming Multilingual - Speaking Your Partner's Love Language
- Fight well in front of the kids
- Celebrate the uniqueness of each child
- Banish Mindreading! Instead, practice saying, "This is what I need from you"
- Parents' Guide to Understanding Your Kids: Tip #1 - Watch how they respond to discipline
- Best Movie Review Sites for Parents - #1: Kids in Mind
If you like the blog, I'd love to have you link to it on your Facebook page or website.
Click on the buttons below my signature to: - Follow me on Twitter - I provide Twitter updates every time I post a new blog entry.
- Connect to me on LinkedIn.
- Forward this newsletter to others.
If your organization is looking for a speaker to address Effective Family Communication (or any communication topic), please contact me using the information below. Or visit Julian Consulting (click on the link to visit my site).
Don't Miss the 20% Off Coupon - See Below!
I love hearing your thoughts, so thanks in advance for all of your comments. Until next month. . . |
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Sincerely,
Dr. Stephen Julian
All content © 2010 by Stephen Julian, PhD
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Dayton, OH 45459
937-660-8563 |
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