sctubbed Second Unitarian Church Newsletter, February 2010 vol 1

by Liz

I am a lifelong UU and a member of Second Unitarian for almost 4 years. I've been active in leadership at 2U, most notably with the Young Adult Ministry, which I helped lead for 3 years. In the past several months, an underlying, long-standing conflict was brought to light, ultimately resulting in the resignation of our minister, key leadership positions and a substantial amount of our members.

I personally was very hurt by these events and the way they unfolded. First and foremost, I felt blindsided. What had happened? I was confused and angry that my church world was turned upside-down. I felt our congregation shaken by loss of community and loss of trust in one another. I was so hurt, that I stayed away for the past two months. I wasn't sure if 2U was still a place for me. Many people I knew and loved were gone. But this past weekend, I returned, and decided to work on rebuilding. To be completely honest, I am still feeling sad and hurt, and I have some doubts about what the future holds.

So what brought me back? All it took was an invitation. I was asked to help plan the upcoming Town Hall Meetings, and this led to a candid conversation with five other members where we all shared our feelings and views on the conflict. Being able to listen and share was very healing. While I still feel hurt, it's time for me to let go of those feelings and move on. Rev. Adam Robersmith preached on Sunday that "even when we're sad, the way back is through connection, life and living," and I'm taking this advice to heart. I've decided that I'm going stay at 2U and try to move forward. Rather than sitting at home feeling sorry for the loss of my spiritual home, I will try to help rebuild and reconcile our community, and I invite you to do the same. I have hope that together, we can get through the tough times and come out as a stronger congregation.

If any of what I've said rings true to you, or you're still hurting, or you're not sure where you stand, I urge you to give 2U another shot. In the next few months, there will be several opportunities to reflect on past events and move forward in community. I invite you to the Listening and Sharing Worships, where you'll be able to share your thoughts, hear from others, and process your feelings. I invite you to the Town Hall Meetings, where you can find out about the current state of the church and help shape the future of 2U. I invite you to the 2U Dinners, where you'll meet in small groups at people's homes to share hospitality and be together in fellowship. Most of all, I invite you to come on Sunday and be together in worship. For me, just being there on Sunday was very healing. So come and see how you feel before you decide that 2U isn't for you anymore. And if you decide you need a break, I hope you'll keep 2U in your heart and come back when you are ready.

I also invite everyone, no matter how you feel, to think about your vision for 2U. This time of transition is difficult, but it also presents the unique opportunity for everyone to be involved in helping shape the future of our church. I also want to encourage everyone to try and let go of the hurt, rather than looking for whom to blame. If we are to get past this, we must move forward with good faith. I think that now, more than ever, we must heed the words of our covenant to "be generous with our gifts and honest in our communication, holding faithful to a love that embraces both diversity and conflict." Try embracing conflict literally by hugging someone you disagree with. It can be the most healing thing of all.