My Plan For Being A More Present Parent

Aisha Pope, LCSW

It's a New Year, and with each New Year comes....yup, you guessed it, New Year's resolutions! I recently read a joke where a person was explaining the concept of New Year's resolutions, and referred to them as "like a to do list for January." Ahh, so true. So I'm not going to call this a new year's resolution - it's a plan, and a much needed one in my life and in my son's life. This year, I'm working on being a more present parent. And that doesn't mean just being home more (although cutting my work load is on my to do list as well), but it means being really present, in the moment, when I'm home or out with my son. My son is the most important thing in my life, but I wonder if he'll look back on this time and remember himself as my priority, or will he think my work, my phone, laundry, email, my DVR, his grades, how clean his room is (or isn't), or some other trivial thing was my priority? That's not to say that those other things aren't important as well...I mean, really, how did we survive before DVR? And work and chores are definitely needed and beneficial. But when you're 6 years old as my son is, it's easy to misinterpret the fact that those things take so much time to mean that they are the most important. So this year, I'm setting out to show my son just how very special he is to me by being present with him as much as possible, andmaking the time we do have meaningful and memorable. Here's what I'm doing differently in 2012 to be a more present parent: 

• I will spend special time with him DAILY with no phones, tv's, or other outside interruptions
• I will maintain our bedtime, mealtime, and bathtime rituals as often as possible (and this year I'll video tape at least one of each so we'll always have these memories)
• I will not work from home until after his bedtime
• I will turn off the radio in the car on our short trips and spend that time talking with him
• I will recognize his strengths, and listen and watch with interest and enthusiasm when he's talking about them or demonstrating them
• I will ask for his ideas and help more often
• I will only say "just a minute honey" when I really need to, and when it truly will be just a minute
• I will make sure that when we walk our dog, there's enough time to blow every single dandelion he picks up on the route
• I will be a little late to places sometimes if he needs one more hug (unless of course I plan ahead and get ready earlier which probably ain't in the cards)
• I will look into his eyes every time I say I love you

These are my plan for myself and my son for 2012.  And I will get this right more often than not. It's gonna be a great year!

Beth obtained her Masters degree in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University Los Angeles. She specializes in the treatment of eating disorders and self-harm, and has experience working with these populations in intensive outpatient and partial hospitalization settings. She has provided individual and family therapy to foster and adoptive children and adolescents in school, home and office settings. Beth has worked with children and adults who have suffered numerous types of traumas in group and individual therapy utilizing art, play, and talk therapy. She has provided therapy to adults with persistent and severe mental illnesses, including those with dual diagnosis. Beth has also worked with adults and children with developmental disabilities in group homes and in the community.

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