Are You Helping Your Children

Learn to Solve Problems?

Talin Yesaie, MFT

How many times have you watched children dress up in their mother's heels?  Try on their father's tie or tool belt? Children are watching adults' every move and looking to imitate what they see.  Being an adult is a wonder and most children can't wait to "grow up" and do what adults get to do.  How often are we role modeling problem solving skills?  To children, it may look like we just always have the answer.  How about letting them in your process?

5 Simple Way To Help Children Problem Solve

1.      Share stories about yourself when you were your child's age:  This will help your children feel heard, understood and validated.  You don't have to fix their problems, but you can share how you fixed yours to give them some ideas.

2.      Think out loud:  Not sure how you are going to solve a problem?  Share what process you are using and role model reviewing the pros and cons of the situation so that children can learn to deduce for themselves when they're not with you.

3.      Don't give up after one failure:  Model persistence and let them see you try and try again.  Point out to them that if people give up after one try, many of the inventions and modern conveniences we take for granted today would never have been invented.

4.      Don't be so hard on yourself: When you make a mistake, especially around your children be sure to model that mistakes are opportunities to learn.  Use these opportunities to model for children how to handle things when they don't go the way we expect.  If you are too hard on yourself for making a mistake you are teaching your child that things are only valuable when you do it well the first time.

5.      Be accountable:  Often parents feel as though acknowledging and apologizing for mistake gives too much power to the child.  It is less about apologizing and more about acknowledging that you could have handled the situation differently and role modeling how they can admit their mistakes and at the same time continue to build their skills, and try different ways.