February 2011

Volume 2 Issue 2 

R A W News  
A Publication of Roots And Wings Consulting
In This Issue
Positive Discipline Tools & Tips
Baby Shower Keepsakes
Upcoming Events
Quick Links

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La Mesa, CA 91941

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La Mesa, CA 91942 
 

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Greetings!

      We hope this issue of RAW News finds you well!  We're gearing up for a busy spring season of classes, and we're excited about our open house coming up in just a couple of weeks.  We really hope our local friends will stop by (Check Upcoming Events below for details!).  One of the things we'll be doing during our open house is finding out from everyone what kinds of groups and classes you'd like to see us offer.  If you can't make it but have some ideas, please take a moment to drop us an email at [email protected] and let us know what you'd like.  You just might see your choice on our Spring/Summer lineup!

Sincerely,

The Team at Roots & Wings

Positive Discipline Tools and Tips

for the Beginning, Middle or End

of aTarget Meltdown

by Mary Nelsen Tamborski

 

Every week my two young boys (4-year-old Greyson and 2-year-old Reid) and I have a routine of going to Target to pick up our weekly essentials.  I learned early on not to buy a toy, even from the $1 aisle, because it created a new routine of expecting "something" every visit.  Of course, the few trips after breaking this habit were not fun.

To prepare them for this new plan (take time for training) I explained that we were not going to buy any toys. Then on our way to Target I shared the list of exactly what we needed to get and asked for my oldest son, Greyson, to help me remember the items. It was my hope that asking for his help would distract him from wanting to buy a toy (providing experiences that help children feel capable). Surprisingly it went well without a major meltdown.  Greyson did seem proud of himself for helping. It might have helped that I creatively learned how to avoid the toy aisle at all costs, which is not easy!

Our weekly trips to Target are now virtually stress free-as long as I'm in and out within 30 minutes and don't go close to nap time (getting into the child's world and planning ahead).

A few weeks ago, we had an exceptionally awesome day of communication, a long nap, exercise for Mommy, and some extra fun games and activities.  Greyson was being extra helpful and patient with his baby brother Reid. It warmed my heart to watch him sharing his toys with Reid. Overall, I think I can speak for all of us when I say the day was a 10 on a scale from 1-10.

We were at Target. When I least expected it, I turned the corner to a new aisle (Halloween costumes) and right there was his new favorite character of the week-Superman. It wasn't even September yet ,so Halloween costumes were the last thing on my mind. When I told Greyson, "No we can't buy that costume today," he started pouting and saying, " I want to go straight home." Thankfully we were on our way to the checkout line, so I just sped up (deep down knowing it was about to get ugly)!

All the way to the checkout line I was acknowledging and validating his feelings of disappointment, frustration, anger and confusion that he couldn't get the costume today. Unfortunately, this Positive Discipline tool wasn't working.

We were standing in line when I tried complimenting him by telling him how much I enjoyed our day together, and what a great help he's been, and how much I've loved spending our time together. Then I asked him (even though I knew the answer) to describe how he was feeling and why? When he explained to me that he wanted the costume today and that he didn't want to wait to buy it I told him (kindly and firmly) that I wasn't ready to buy it yet.

Greyson's reaction was to tell me that I was a "bad mommy" and then he started pushing me. 

 The pressure was on! Naturally all eyes at, least it felt that way ,were on me waiting to see what I was going to do next? What I think most people were expecting was for me to "flip my lid" and totally lose it by either threatening, yelling, spanking or firmly (not kindly) putting him into the cart for lock down.

Instead, I knelt down to his level and told him again how much I loved being around him and I was feeling upset for the total attitude change. I then asked him if he needed a hug. This is a Positive Discipline tool that usually always works for Greyson and me; but not this time. He said, "No I don't want a hug."

 I was feeling especially desperate. I was running out of Positive Disciple tools. However, I reached into my "Positive Discipline tool belt" one last time and used compliments and sense of humor.  Thank goodness, it worked!  Greyson had on the conductor hat that he wears everyday. (Will this train phase ever end?) I reminded him how much I loved his fun, loving and cooperative attitude he had expressed all day, and that it all switched in "one Target turn." I told him, "I am going to pull your hat down over your face down to your chin; and when I lift it up I'm going to see a big smile, and and a happy Greyson."  I put his hat over his face lifted it up and said "ta daa." Holy smokes it worked!!!!! 

 I was shocked! However, I learned again how important it is to get inside the child's world, validating his thoughts and feelings, and being kind and firm- and even more important, respectful. I felt like I should've had a round of applause from all the nervous and anticipating parents who were watching.  Gosh knows that we've all been there-in the checkout line that is moving slower than it ever has, and every item in reach of eager little hands.  I sometimes wonder if anyone else has caught on to how Wal-Mart and Target checkout lines are just a different form of birth control-unless you have Positive Discipline tools.

 I was amazed that I was able to keep my cool for that long, but I remember hearing, "How can we expect our children to control their behavior when we don't control our own?" (Modeling.)

Baby Shower Keepsakes

To Encourage And Connect

Aisha Pope

 

Recently, I had the opportunity to participate in planning a baby shower for a very dear friend of mine.  When we were planning, it was important to us to create a day that would be special and memorable for the mommy to be, but we also wanted to give a gift to this growing family that they could treasure and use beyond when the diapers run out and the clothes are outgrown.  We did two things that my friend so appreciated that I wanted to share them with our readers.

 

1)       An Advice Scrapbook (for the baby!)

Everyone who attended the shower was given a slip of paper on arrival, a scrapbook page, and access to all the little decorative scrapbook stuff they wanted.  On the slip of paper was an advice starter for a piece of advice they would give the baby.  Advice starter sentences included things such as, "it's your first day of kindergarten, here are some tips to get you through," "you got your driver's license, here's what you should know," "time for your first sleepover," "when people or pets we love are no longer with us," "when you've tried and tried and it seems you still can get it right," and "how to talk to God".  The pages were all signed by the person who created theBabym (thinking of it now we should have had them write their phone numbers as a prompt for the kiddo to call and thank them) and compiled into a scrapbook that this baby and his parents can go to throughout his life to get encouraging words from distant family and friends.

 

2)       An Encouragement Necklace

For the mom to be, we made an encouragement necklace.  Each person attending the shower picked a trinket or charm out of a box.  At a designated time, each person presented the mother to be with their charm, along with words of encouragement, advice, or a prayer.  The charms were collected and made into a necklace that she can take with her to the hospital when she's in labor, or whenever she needs to feel encouraged or connected to the people who care about her and her family. 

 

We know it takes a village to raise a child, but as our world grows, and our lives get more and more hectic, many of us are finding ourselves spread out and disconnected from the people we love.  The ideas above could be just one small step towards helping our kids (and ourselves) feel encouraged by and connected to people they may not see and talk to as often as they'd like.   

 

Upcoming Events 

 

 

Roots & Wings Consulting Open House!!

February 9, 2011 6:00 - 8:00 pm (Drop In Any Time)

Meet our staff, get information on our Spring Class offerings, have snacks and drinks

Children Welcome - activities will be provided

Anyone who signs up for one of our scheduled classes at the open house will receive a free deck of Positive Discipline Tool Cards

Click Here For Details

  

Positive Discipline - From Defiance to Self Reliance

Four Monday Evenings:

February 21, 2011 to March 14, 2011  6:00pm - 8:00pm

Facilitators: Mary Nelsen Tamborski and Jenny Trainor
$95 per person, $160 per couple

Click Here To Register For This Session 

 

Positive Discipline - From Defiance to Self Reliance

Four Wednesday Evenings:

February 23, 2011 to March 16, 2011  6:00pm - 8:00pm

 Facilitators: Talin Yesaie and Angela Lancaster
$95 per person, $160 per couple

Click Here To Register For This Session

 

Positive Discipline - From Defiance to Self Reliance

Two Saturday Mornings:

February 26, 2011 and March 5, 2011  9:00 AM to 1:00PM

 Facilitators: Mary Nelsen Tamborski and Jenny Trainor
$95 per person, $160 per couple

Click Here To Register For This Session 

 

 

 

Do you have a life situation or a relationship challenge that you could use some help with?  At Roots & Wings, we have a group of therapists with expertise in areas such as parenting, couples communication, autism, grief and loss, play therapy, and much more.  If you've been thinking about talking to a counselor, taking a parenting class, or joining a support group, we just may have something for you.  Give us a call at 619.737.7721 or drop us an email at [email protected] for more information. 
 
Sincerely,

Your Friends at

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